AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

[At the beginning of the game, Pitfall Harry climbs down the first ladder and dies] Nice. Fucking beautiful. The first ladder you see drops you into a pit where you get killed by a bird or a bat, whatever it is. And even if it wasn't there, I'd fall on the spikes. So it's basically death insurance. "Let's put every kind of obstacle we can possibly think of in the very beginning of the game." You know, I'm disappointed. Couldn't there have been lava on top of the spikes, with fire sharks swimming in it? Couldn't there be more spikes coming from the sides ready to close in and squash me while stabbing at the same time? How 'bout some laser cannons and upside down volcanoes? You want to be even more efficient? Why even have the ladder? Why not just start the game falling down the pit? Fuckin' assholes! [sighs] Talk about a beginner's trap. They sure nailed it.

So we're jumping around in thin air, trying to find different suits, like spades, hearts and diamonds. What purpose does this have? I found the princess... does he need to play Poker with her or something?

Wanna play some games? Wanna play some shitty games? ...Well hang on just a second, I gotta go get my mail. (The Nerd steps out of his house to find it and the rest of the scenery in the scene is swarming with graphics from Street Fighter 2010.) What the hell is all this shit!? There's metallic sea sponges everywhere! There's titanium rocket jockstraps! Headless parrots with bottle caps! Floating eyeballs entrapped in glass lids! How is this all happening? OH, ah-of course! It's the year 2010! Holy shit! This was all foreseen in the game Street Fighter 2010!

Remember how futuristic the year 2000 seemed? My whole childhood, it seemed like every movie, every video game - it was always "2000". It sounded so high-tech and so far away. But now, fuck that! It's the ten-year anniversary of the year 2000. (referring to Back to the Future Part II's depiction of the year 2015) In five years, we're gonna have flying cars and hoverboards and self-lacing shoes... It better happen. Otherwise they should have made it the year 3000. Even if they made it 2100, we'd all be dead; it wouldn't make a difference anyway! Better to be a mystery than to be wrong!

Who would've thought that Street Fighter's past lied in the future, which is now the present? Let's take a look at this. I can only imagine, we're gonna be Tiger Uppercutting through space and time, we're gonna be throwing Sonic Booms on the moon, Hadoukens up Uranus! Fuck Street Fighter IV, this is Street Fighter 2010!

What the hell is this poop-plastered, shit-smothered piece of fuck? And what does it have to do with Street Fighter?

(commenting on the cover illustration of Fighting Street, showing Ryu in front of Mt. Rushmore) To be even more elusive, they changed the fucking title to Fighting Street! That doesn't make any sense! But at least you get to play as classic characters such as Ryu, George Washington, and Abe Lincoln.

The final boss looks like a big, blistering ball sack that swallowed Grimace. His only weak spot is the face. The ideal strategy is to climb on the wall and keep shooting, but your beam doesn't reach. Not without full powerups. You can try jumping off and shooting, but that takes too long. You don't have time. When you're plowing through the stage, you gotta stop and get all the powerups. But that wastes time too! But you gotta do it! You gotta somehow make it all happen! You can't beat one boss flawlessly but then fuck up a little on the next one. You gotta: 1) Beat all the bosses without getting hurt too much, 2) Get all the power-ups, and 3) Do it fast as shit. All in one perfect run. But once you do it, man, you're on the fucking top of the world. Yeah, boom, BOOM! [Imitates explosions as he beats the game] And that, my friends, is Street Fighter 2010. That's all I have to say. So happy new year, happy new decade... am I forgetting anything? ... Yeah. Forgot my fucking mail. [He walks then the screen zooms that says "THE END."]

Ugh, Hydlide! Just saying the name gives you a gag reflex like you're about to puke! HYDLIDE! Sounds so wretched and foul!

Picking up a game like this, in itself, is like embarking on an adventure. You can stick to the familiar NES classics, or you can be a brave explorer and search the unknown. You might uncover a gem, or a turd covered in vomit. And this is a turd covered in vomit.

There's no skill involved. You'll never know whether or not you're hitting the monster or the monster's hitting you. It's just as random as rolling the dice or playing the lottery; sometimes you win, and sometimes you lose. But I guess it's better than using drugs or alcohol because with drugs and alcohol, especially drugs, you always lose.

Anyway, I got the Lantern. Now I'm going back to that dark cave to figure out what the fuck was killing me...I don't see anything! So that only concludes there was nothing. That's a cheat if I ever saw one. The game kills you with NOTHING!!

That's what you get for reaching into the dark depths of the NES library. You might as well be reaching into a dog's asshole, 'cause all you're going to find is shit.

Pong. A simple word. A simple idea. It's just Pong. It was one of the first video arcades, from 1972. A simple screen mounted inside what looked like a carved tree stump. You could call this the "Wooden Age" of video games, when everything was made of wood, and two people playing tennis looked like two glow sticks batting a square ball back and forth. Yeah, this is before circles were invented.

I thought it was fun. Apparently, people thought so too back then. So that's why they made a home pong console so you can play it at home, and then, there was another one... and another one... and another one! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! AND ANOTHER ONE! There was like nine million fucking pong consoles!