The Nerd quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Nerd

Now we got Sol-Feace. More like Sol-Feces! Well, holy shit, I gotta be honest. It reminds me of R-Type or LifeForce, and that's pretty cool, so all I gotta say is, this one's not bad.

The Nerd

The Sega CD had its place in history. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a piece of shit. But it had a certain appeal. The 32X is the real deal. It sucks. Oh God, it sucks. You plop it on the top of the Genesis, like they're mating. God, I mean, do you think that's enough add-ons? It doesn't even look aesthetically presentable. I mean, it's just like an ugly tumor. I mean, did they really need all this bullshit leeching on the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking: "Oh, please, God, take this shit off me." It's like getting gang-raped. Both of its slots are getting fucked at the same time.

The Nerd

(plugging in the power adapters for the game consoles) Here goes the Genesis, the Sega CD, and... bullshit. What a load of fucking bullshit. How did they fuck this up so bad? I can't even turn it the other way because it doesn't fit. Why can I only plug in two power adapters? Why can't these go sideways? Or, better yet, why the Hell do they have these box things? Why can't it just be like this? (ends in a thin plug)

The Nerd

(playing Primal Rage with only the background visible) Great title screen, huh? There isn't even any title at all. (cuts to the character select menu, where once again no characters are visible) What is this? Wh-wait a minute. Oh, please, God, tell me what's going on. Why can't I see the characters? I'm playing Invisible Primal Rage! Alright, let's try Virtua Fighter. (the characters aren't visible here either) What the FUCK?! Guess what, we left something out. There's another cable which connects the Genesis to the 32X. Isn't it enough that the damn thing is inserted on to the top of the Genesis? Why does it need another connector? 'Look at this. It's a fuckin' mess. And what a perfect visual analogy. Sega invented the 32X to increase the lifespan of the Genesis, and that's exactly what the friggin' thing looks like. It's on life support.

The Nerd

And just to celebrate their failure, or just for shits and giggles, they released a few CD-32X games, which required both the 32X and the Sega CD. So, if you happened to own this pile of vomit and this piece of shit, you can mix the two together.

The Nerd

Alright, this is Silver Surfer. Silver Shit! (inserts game into NES and turns it on) He looks so stupid! I mean, what the hell's wrong with him? He's just like... like... (The Nerd tries to imitate Silver Surfer's pose.)

The Nerd

What'd I say before? This game's not bad? Well, no. It isn't bad. It's FUCKIN' HORRIBLE! And I dare you to play it.

The Nerd

I can't take it anymore. (Drinks some Yuengling) You know... there's really no point of going on. It's not like there's a reward, like there's a pot of gold sittin' on top of the TV. You know if you beat the game, it probably just says "The End", and that's it. So to keep playing it, you gotta be a fuckin' nerd.

The Nerd

I mean this game just pukes snot up my ass. It's like you touch the top of the building, you die, you touch the ceiling, you die, you touch the floor, you die, too far to the right, you die, too far to the left, you die, you die, you die, you die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, DIE! (lies on the floor, holds his eyes in anger, and mimics the game over screen) (upset voice) Oh, God, I can't fuckin' stand it.

The Nerd

This game is so hard, it would actually be easier to go outside in a thunderstorm and try to dodge rain. It would be easier to walk barefoot, without your toes or heels touching the floor. It'd be easier to pick fly shit out of pepper... while wearing boxing gloves! The fact you can get hit only once, pretty much means that you're weaker than every other enemy in the game. HOW DO YOU DIE FROM JUST TOUCHING A WALL?! I can understand if he's flying at like 200 miles per hour and he crashes into the wall, but the fact that he just touches the wall and dies is just ridiculous. I never read any of the comics, so I don't know what Silver Surfer's powers are, but isn't he supposed to be pretty strong? So why'd they make him into a wimp?! Why is he fuckin' up rubber ducks and weepin' like a crybaby? It's like some sort of fuckin' joke! Like what if they had Bruce Lee tripping over his own shoelaces? It's a fuckin' insult! This game should've been classic! But instead, it's worthless! It's as worthless as this fuckin' LJN poster I have back here! Man, I would just piss and shit all over this fuckin' game! In fact, JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE HAVIN' AN ANAL EVACUATION! (Swigs some Yuengling) Fuck...! (Gets up, takes game out, and then throws it against the wall)

The Nerd

Somewhere up here, there's a rope which, I don't know if it's important or not. You blow up this gym locker or whatever it is and he says, "I'd have to be desperate to tie that on and jump off! No, thanks!" Are you kidding me? Have you ever had a video game character talk back to you and say, "No, I'm not gonna do that!"? Going back to Mario again, what if Mario just said "You know, I'm really not feeling up to jumping over that platform. No, thanks!"? This is ridiculous. I mean, he won't climb down with a rope, but he'll jump out a window and fucking kill himself?!

The Nerd

So, I'm taking the stairs down, now I found some blueprint of the 5th floor. Whoa! Now we're talking about the 5th floor? "Take out the main computer"? I'm getting confused. So, I'm going around, trying to kill people, and Officer Carl Winslow keeps talking to me. So, I'm just walking around, waiting for whatever random stuff to happen, then the police car blows up! I'm like, "What does this have to do with anything?" But then Steve Urkel comes on! I'm like, "What the fuck!?"

The Nerd

There's guys around every corner, there's guys coming out of the elevator, there's guys coming out of your ass, it's crazy!

The Nerd

(sarcastically) Wow, how awesome could this be? Bugs Bunny's Birthday Blowout. Well, it was a blowout, alright. Blowout your ASS!

The Nerd

[While punching Bugs Bunny] BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BLOWOUT? WELL HOW BOUT' BUGS BUNNY'S BIRTHDAY BEATING!

The Nerd

[after pummeling Bugs to the ground] Ya wanna Shoruyken?!!