Miss FowlGood morning, children. Starting today, I'm taking an indefinite holiday. So say hello to your substitute teacher: Ooblar!
OOoblar
Thank you, old one.
Miss Fowl
Thank you for the motorcycle. Ciao! [dashes away]
OOoblar
Well, won't this be fun? I just know we're going to have a wonderful time getting to know each other.
Um, Mr. Ooblar, may I go to the bathroom?
OOoblar
WHY?! So you can plot a rebellion by passing notes through the sewers and rally the town to battle?! [all the students look at him] Uh… forget I said that. [laughs] I meant, of course you may.
Actually, I kind of don't have to go anymore.
Okay, that concludes the boring and annoying portion of the program. Our next act…
[runs up on the stage and takes the microphone out of Libby's hand] Wait! I think Jimmy's telling the truth!
JLJimmy and Libby
You do?
Yes! While I have no idea how the Yolkians could possibly have gotten into Jimmy's lab… Well, the point is, we owe Jimmy! Who saved us when hostile pants were on the loose in the whole city? Who repelled the giant flaming meteor headed straight for town? Who risked his life to shrink Miss Fowl down to size when she was 50 feet tall? Okay, I know. All of those things were Neutron's fault in the first place, but he still risked his life to save us! The least we owe him is our trust!
You know, the annoying blonde girl has a point.
MMan
Eh, she usually hates Jimmy.
Miss Fowl
Well, Jimmy did save me from being a giant freak woman.
Give it up for Jimmy! [the crowd cheers for him] We believe in you, Jimmy!
Now, wait just a minute. I'm not believing a word Jimmy says until I have some decent credible evidence. [Poultra roars in distance] Works for me.
[The townspeople start to run but a Yolkian pushes a button, closing the gates, trapping them]
Miss Fowl
Sweet muffins, we're trapped!
[Poultra's water dish is released from under the stage]
[as the Yolkians release Poultra's water dish] Hey, look! Jimmy's wrong again. The nice Yolkians built us a swimming pool.
Hugh, that's Poultra's water dish!
[At Lindbergh Elementary School… Miss Fowl is holding a VHS tape box of Ken Burns' History of Mummies documentary which Carl screams in terror at the picture of a mummy]
Miss Fowl
Today, we will watch part one of Ken Burns' 97-hour documentary on the history of mummies.
Yawn. I'd rather chew off my own foot.
[whispering] No, I wanna check this out. My family tree goes back to Egypt. Mummies are cool.
Miss Fowl
[inserts the tape in the VCR] Butch, would you get the lights?
Sure thing, teach. [pulls out a slingshot and shatters the lights off]
Miss Fowl
[annoyed with hand in face] Thank you.
I don't wanna see videos of mummies. I wanna see real mummies!
Oh, I don't. They might rise from the dead and attack us!
[Miss Fowl presses a button on the remote, turning on the TV; As the documentary starts, she and all the other students (minus Jimmy and Cindy) immediately fall asleep]
NNarrator
"Dear Ahmadiyya, today I moved a one-ton boulder across the broiling desert sands. Then I had lunch. Then they cut my tongue out."
[gazes at a drawing of Egypt] What am I doing sitting here? I'm a science genius. [turns around to his friends] Who's up for a quick trip to Egypt?
What could be more boring than going with you to Egypt?
NNarrator
"Tonight, it is my turn to tell stories around the fire. This will be difficult without my tongue."
[makes up her mind] Let's roll.
[The kids all tip-toe quietly out of the classroom and into the hallway]
[quietly] I'll go home and get my hover car and meet you guys in back of the school. [runs off]
But, what if we get caught?
We're not gonna get caught.
[to the mummies; portraying as the queen]' I order you mummies to start sleeping for 5--
15 trillion more years! [the mummies fall asleep] Sleep tight, and don't let the scarab bugs bite.
Carl, give me the Electro-Life.
Some things should not see the light of day, for who am I, a mere mortal to alter the very laws of mortality.
Good thing we're in a tomb, 'cause you're boring us to death.
[Jimmy flings the Electro-Life aside]
[off-screen] Hey, guys! I did it! I finally found the bathroom! [gets his head thumped; painfully] OW! Why must the good get hit on their heads again? [Later outside… the gang are all in Jimmy's hover car, ready to return to Retroville] Sayonara, cruel desert!
You know, I think I'm down with this new look. I'm gonna keep it.
[sarcastically] So, do we have to address you as "Superqueen Libby" as of right now?
[giggles] No, [jokingly] but "Your Mighty Fine Royal Marvelousness" WILL do.
Light speed back to Retroville!
[The gang returns to school and tiptoe quietly while entering Miss Fowl's classroom]
[loudly] Miss Fowl, we're back!
OOthers
[all annoyed] Carl!
Miss Fowl
[waking up along with Principal Willoughby] Where have you children been?! I want the truth, pronto!
And I'll have none of this whole "school tanning salon" mumbo-jumbo!
Uh, did I say we were going to the tanning salon? I meant, uh… the bathroom!
Oh. Well, all right, then.
In Egypt. And Libby got to be a queen, and mummies chased us, and we discovered a lost tomb!
If you love me, you'll finish it right now!
People, we can't quit now! It's only the 1st inning!
And Butch's team is beating us 29 to 0!
Miss Fowl
Cut with the chitty-chatty and play ball! [Sheen catches a ball Jimmy threw] Ball 8!
Ball?! That was right down the middle. I've seen better calls at a square dance!
Miss Fowl
Jimmy's throwing lollipops. The day he throws down Broadway is the day I dance on the moon!
[Jimmy throws it and Butch hits it, sending it flying]
Oh, I wish I was a llama in a great big llama world...
AAH! THE BALL! IT'S COMING RIGHT AT ME! [hits Carl's back] Ow, my scapula.
[Ball bounces to Libby who is listening to music, and then to Cindy]
Way to pitch a really easy home run, Nerd-tron!
I was listening to a great song. I have priorities!
And I have back pain! Primarily around my scapula.
Miss Fowl
Safe!
Can we stop, Miss Fowl? My team's tired from running around the bases so much.
Miss Fowl
Oh, I thought you'd never ask. Butch's team is the winner!
All in favor of never playing baseball for the rest of their lives, say "Aye".
You guys are such losers!
All those who agree with Butch?
Hey, no one calls my team losers! We want a rematch!
Nerd-tron, are you out of your oversized mind?!
I'll show you guys that we're not losers!
I can't believe Carl and Sheen turned into a real vampire and werewolf! I've got to capture them and turn them back. Goddard, access vampire data so I know what I'm dealing with. [Goddard does so] "Vampires feed on the blood of the living. They can turn their victims into vampires and are repelled by garlic. They can only be destroyed by a wooden stake driven into their heart." What have you got on werewolves?
Miss Fowl
[dressed as a fortune teller; mysteriously] Even a man who is pure of heart, and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms, and the autumn moon is bright.
Uh… hi, Miss Fowl. How do you know about werewolves?
Miss Fowl
I was married to one, but that's a story for another day.
Uh, anything else I should know?
Miss Fowl
Well, they can turn other people into werewolves by biting them, and they can only be destroyed by a silver…
Miss Fowl
Cane, spoon, hairbrush- anything else silver. Okay, Happy Halloween. Don't forget to floss.
AAAAAAHHHHH! [gets down on his knees to Miss Fowl] Cindy gave me a dollar to vote for Libby! Sheen was blackmailing me with a photo! Jimmy was playing the best friend card and using scantily clad women!
Miss Fowl
[angrily glares at Jimmy, Sheen, Cindy, and Libby; The three whistle while Cindy checks her nails] It looks like some of our candidates have been found guilty of bribery, blackmail, and MURDER! [class screams] Sorry, not murder. I meant operating a zeppelin on school premises. Anyway, they're all illegal campaign activities, which means Jimmy, Sheen and Libby are disqualified!
[Episode starts at Lindbergh Elementary School; the bell rings and all the students leave Miss Fowl's classroom after taking a history test]
Okay, that history test was hard.
Yeah, now I know how you guys feel when I beat on you.
Four score and seven years ago... oxygen!
Hey, guys! Man, that test was cake! I didn't know whether to answer the questions to put frosting on 'em, am I right? Am I right?
Actually, Sheen, I thought it was fairly challenging.
Challenging? Please! My grandma's chihuahua could've aced it. I've done connect-the-dot drawings that were harder. [Sheen suddenly cringes as Miss Fowl calls for him]
Miss Fowl
[sticking out from behind the classroom door, wanting to have a talk with him; sharply] SHEEN!!!
Ex-squeeze me, Miss Fowl probably wants to congratulate me on the best job well done ever.
[Later, outside school… Jimmy and Carl look at Sheen's history test up-close, which unfortunately, he now failed with every question answered in Ultra Lord themed topics]
JCJimmy & Carl
Quadruple F-minus?!
Well, how was I supposed to know Ultra Lord wasn't the father of our country? That's what it says on the Ultra Lord website.
Wait, didn't you write the Ultra Lord website?
Your point? [Jimmy rolls his eyes before walking up to his hover car] Oh. Anyway, Miss Fowl said if I don't pass tomorrow's math final, I'm gonna be left back!
Left back?! That's terrible!
Tell me about it! I can't be in a class with a bunch of babies who wet their pants and cry for their mommies!
Well, technically, they'd be the same age we are now, and we don't wet our pants and cry for... [stops and sees Carl sucking his thumb and holding a llama plushie]
Sheen, I won't allow Miss Fowl to leave you back!
No way! We're the Three Amigops!
[confused] "The Three Amigops"?
Yeah, well, you see, I was making us name tags, [shows Jimmy his "Amigops" name tag] and I accidentally added a P to "amigos", so--
Pardon me, but my LIFE IS ENDING!! [dramatically shakes Carl]
Don't worry, Sheen. [as he and Sheen get into the hovercar] We're gonna help you pass that math test if it takes all night!
Yeah! No one splits up the Three Amigops! [tries to get in, but the hovercar flies off without him, then immediately comes back]
Okay. [then finally gets into the hovercar and it flies off with all of them in it]
[entering the classroom] Good morrow, scholars. Sorry I'm tardy, I was doing this morning's crossword puzzle in pen.
Big deal. My dad and I do the crossword puzzle all the time.
In the Beijing Times? [holds up and unravels his long crossword puzzle, all answered in Beijing writing]
Miss Fowl
[giving Sheen his math test] Here's your test, Sheen. Take a seat and get started. Remember, class, if you get stuck on a question, just skip it and come back to it late--
[raises up his finished test] Done!
Miss Fowl
What? But that's impossible!
Well, I would have even finished sooner if someone hadn't been blathering away.
Miss Fowl
Sweet muffins! These answers are right!
Of course, they're mostly right, duh. They're somewhat obvious to anyone with half a brain--let alone this slack-jaw collection of nitwits.
[stands up] HEY! My doctor says my jaw's only slightly slack!
Yeah, Ultra Dork, since when did you become Lord of the Smarts?
Since yesterday. Observe! [He gets out of his seat and heads off to the chalkboard with a pull-down sheet of the Periodic Table of Elements] Rb: Rubidium. Alkali metal discovered in 1861, melting point 39° Centigrade. [shows another picture of the planet Neptune] Neptune, eighth planet from the sun. Principal moons: Triton and Nereid. Named for the Roman god of water. [walks over to Carl] Carl Wheezer. Mammalian order: primate. 70% water, 20% carbon, 2% mucus. [Carl sneezes] 1% mucus. Any questions?
Miss Fowl
Yes. [now determined] How'd you like to SIT DOWN?!? [the class launches into a round of pleads for Sheen to sit down, while Jimmy shakes his head slowly in disappointment]
Go ahead, mock all you want! The barbs of a tiny brain are as nothing to me! [cackles evilly] Miss Fowl, can I be excused?
Miss Fowl
No!
Miss Fowl
[hesistantly] Y...yes?
[points at Miss Fowl] PSYCH! [then runs out of the classroom, as he continues laughing, while Miss Fowl groans in annoyance]
[in shock] Jimmy, what's wrong with Sheen?
I-I don't know! His IQ should have stopped increasing hours ago. I'd better get to the lab. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, will you not let me not leave the classroom?
Miss Fowl
No! Uh...yes.
Thank you. [gets up and leaves the classroom to follow Sheen, as Miss Fowl exclaims in disappointment]
[to himself] Jimmy and Sheen need me. I can't let 'em down. [raises hand] Miss Fowl, can I never ever not be dis-excused sometimes?
Miss Fowl
[points at Carl emphatically] PLANT IT!
[sits back down nervously] Okay.
[Sheen volunteers for the school chorus]
[singing badly] HOME, HOME ON THE RANGE-
Thank you. That's all I needed to hear.
Well, I can't say I'm surprised. Now, let's talk rehearsal schedule, man. Tuesdays, I have my action figure support so that's no good for me. Mondays…
Oh, dear. I better explain. Um, Sheen, amigo, I'm afraid you won't be joining the chorus.
What? You're rejecting me?
Now, now, now, don't take it personally. We needed an alto, and well, you're a… You're a…
Miss Fowl
You're a terrible singer!
Miss Fowl! You see, Sheen, your voice… Um, how shall I put this?
Miss Fowl
Your voice scares small children!
Miss Fowl, please! Look, Sheen, as chorus master, I know talent…
Miss Fowl
And that's what you have: no talent! [Principal Willougby is about to burst] I'm done.
Wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You people don't think I'm a very good singer, do you? [Miss Fowl's about to say "Yes" but Principal Willougby covers her lips] Then you have silenced a precious talent! From this point on, I, Sheen, shall never grace the world with song again! [He storms offstage but then rans back to them] But if you guys change your mind, call me anytime.
[Sheen volunteers again disguised as Mario with a mustache]
[singing badly] HOME, HOME ON THE RANGE...
Please let me in the chorus! [Miss Fowl rips Sheen's fake mustache off his face] My voice grows on you!
Miss Fowl
So do liver spots, but I don't make you look at them! [cracks up laughing]
Now, Miss Fowl, that's not funny. [begins laughing] Okay, that's a little funny, but you know…
I've got half a mind to report you!
Half a mind? No wonder you can't sing! [he and Miss Fowl burst out in laughter as Sheen storms out the auditorium] Oh, we are so fired. [Miss Fowl looks shocked]
The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius · 473 quotes
