“An Eric Forman Christmas” quotes from That '70s Show

Kelso

I don't want to play Joseph as a carpenter. Oh! How about I play him as a spaceman?

Eric

Kelso, I don't think Jesus was the son of a spaceman.

Kelso

Really? Well, where do you think God lives?

Leo

It's true, man. [Points upward]

Red

What the hell?

Kitty

Its the Russians! [Red looks out the window]

Red

Oh, jeez. [opens window] Bob!

Bob

Hey there! Hi there! Ho ho ho there!

Red

Bob, it's midnight! Turn that crap of!

Bob

What would I do that for?! Hey, check out the keister on Mrs. Claus! I know what I want for Christmas!

Red

Bob, are you drunk?!

Bob

I'm not sober!

Eric

So, dipping into the frankincense I see? Well, no more of that, okay? We're gonna do this play the way it was meant to be done. And no... spacemen! And anyone who doesn't like that is no Christmas friend of mine.

Kelso

And we should be a little bit nicer to those of us who want to watch Christmas specials. I mean when Rudolph's nose shone so bright, and Santa realized he could guide the sleigh at night, that was a great moment in American history!

Hyde

Kelso... Rudolph was small, had a girly voice. And I'm pretty sure he's a little light on the hooves, if you know what I mean.

Fez

Of course he was light on the hooves. He could fly! [realizes the meaning to Hyde's joke] Ohhh! I would have guessed Prancer!

Eric

Well, you've all ignored me, so... I'll take that as a resounding vote of confidence. Guys, let's do this thing.

What on God's green earth?!

Eric

Pastor Dave, I was just—

Oh, I know what you're doing. I recognize that smell from the AC/DC concert. I was handing out leaflets!

Eric

No, but I wasn't—

Eric Forman, you're fired!

Eric

Well, you know what? Fine! [gets up and leaves the circle]

Kelso

...Rudolph had a girlfriend! Her name was Clarice! She thought he was cute, okay?! If anyone was gay, it was that–that Hermey! I mean, no straight elf has hair like that!