Michael Cole quotes from SummerSlam

What is Jon Stewart doing?

Jon Stewart?

He told Cena in the pre-show, "if you need any help, I'm there."

Well, remember Stewart's had major issues with Rollins on his old Daily Show.

Jon, don't do this. You cannot do this.

Jon Stewart has no business being in there, none. It's a World Championship match, get him out of there!

I can't believe this.

Cena has no idea what's going on, he can't even see. [Jon rams Cena in the stomach with the chair] Oh, come on! What the hell did he do that for?!

Jon Stewart, what have you done?!

Pedigree on the chair! A Pedigree on the chair! [Rollins tosses the chair out and covers Cena] Rollins is gonna win the US Title! You gotta be kidding me!

What did Jon Stewart do that for?!

Not like this!

Why would he do that?!

Rollins has made history thanks to Jon Stewart!

Ladies and gentlemen, your United States and WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins!

The hell did we just see?!

The host of SummerSlam just helped Seth Rollins win!

Seth Rollins, the first man to hold the United States Title and the WWE World Title, but what did we just see?

Jon Stewart has gone from Daily Show host to SummerSlam criminal here tonight.

Maybe SummerSlam hero; depends on your perspective, Michael.

Oh, come on, that wasn't right and you know it, John.

I liked you better when you weren't allowed to have an opinion.

That's changed. A lot's changed.

Where the hell is he going?

Oh, Jesus!

Corey, get the hell out of there! Brock Lesnar just moved the entire ring with a goddamn tractor!

I'm in Kid Rock's lap right now! God Almighty, what the hell is Lesnar doin'?!

Anything he wants! [Lesnar flips the ring] Lesnar's liftin' up the [Corey: OH, MY GOD!!!] ring with Roman Reigns in it! With a damn tractor!! REIGNS FALLS OUT OF THE ENTIRE RING!!

THIS IS ONE OF THE DAMNEDEST THINGS I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS! EVER! BROCK LESNAR JUST LIFTED THE RING FIFTEEN FEET OFF THE GROUND WITH A DAMN TRACTOR!!!!

Corey, this is-- this- this is sickening. This is uncomfortable out here.

I-I-I-I'm speechless.

We're at a count of five. Roman Reigns is four ticks away from retaining his championship. A count of seven now. A count of eight, Brock Lesnar-- Look at the look in Lesnar's eyes! Lesnar back to a knee! Lesnar beats the count again! You gotta be kidding me! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! WHAT IS THIS MAN MADE OF?!?!?!?!

HE'S NOT HUMAN!!!

Reigns with the title off the face of Lesnar! That's gotta be it!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COUNT FASTER!!!

DOMINIK, YOU SORRY TWO-TIMING SON OF A BITCH!!!

This piece of trash screwed over his dad, and now screws over his Mami as well!!!

Ain't love grand?

Rhea Ripley heartbroken. Guys, has this been a ruse for months? What the hell is going on here?

You would assume that Dom can't think months in advance 'cause he's too dumb, but anything's possible with this piece of...

Well, just say it. I mean that's what he is.

THIS PIECE OF SHIT!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy this while you can. We have four months left to enjoy the greatness that is John Cena. [As Cena starts to leave, Brock Lesnar's music suddenly hits, and the crowd erupts thunderously] WHAT?! [Lesnar himself emerges] HOLY SHIT!!!

OH… MY… GOD!!!

IT'S THE BEAST!!! IT'S THE BEAST!!!

THE BEAST IS BACK!!!

BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR!!! BROCK LESNAR IS AT SUMMERSLAM!!! OH, MY GOD! HELL HAS COME TO THE MEADOWLANDS! [Pyrotechnics go off and Lesnar slowly starts towards the ring] Wade, i-it's been years!

Hold on, I'm looking at the look in John Cena's eyes. It doesn't look like he's ready to greet an old friend here. There's a smile on the face of Brock Lesnar.

Wait a minute, let's not use the word "friend" when it comes to Lesnar and Cena! This is a man that has beaten the hell out of John Cena over the years!

This is a man who is a walking hazard, a walking threat!

John Cena once called this man his greatest rival, his toughest rival, his most physical rival, and Brock Lesnar is here, and he's as massive as ever! [Lesnar and Cena lock eyes for a few moments before Lesnar takes off his vest] The Beast has not taken his eyes off John Cena since he entered this stadium. [Lesnar takes off his hat] He had to shed his jacket, he's taken off his hat.

This is a man built for one thing. [Lesnar quickly slides into the ring and hoists Cena up on his shoulders]

And now Lesnar into the ring, and Brock Lesnar with John Cena on his shoulders! [Lesnar delivers a thunderous F-5 to Cena] Brock Lesnar with an F-5 to John Cena!! On a night when John Cena went through an absolute war with Cody Rhodes!

Let's be honest, Brock Lesnar was never coming down here to commiserate with anyone.

Once a modern-day gladiator, Nick Aldis enters the ring for the first time in nearly three years. He is a man who's held world championships around the planet. But tonight, Nick Aldis has a first opportunity to get into the ring in WWE. It has been an emotional time, Wade Barrett, for Nick Aldis.

I'll get to that in a second, Michael Cole. But please, please! This is Nick Aldis making his WWE in-ring debut at SummerSlam to the biblical tunes of Oasis! It is every Englishman's dream! Congratulations, Nick! Biblical and immaculate, Michael Cole!

I have never heard your voice go that high.