[Steven finds the fridge full of Cookie Cat ice cream sandwiches]
Steven[with starry eyes] No way. I-It can't be! Wha-- Where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!
Well, we heard that too, and since they're your favorite...
We went out and stole a bunch!
[grunts at Amethyst angrily] I went back and paid for them.
The whole thing was my idea.
All that matters is that Steven is happy.
Steven
[begins to rap] Oooohhh…!
He's a frozen treat with a whole new taste,
Cos he came to this planet from outer space!
A refugee from an interstellar war,
But now he's at your local grocery store!
(Cookie Cat!) He's a pet for your tummy!
(Cookie Cat!) He's super duper yummy!
(Cookie Cat!) He left his family behind!
Cookie Caaaat! [murmurs] Now available at Gertman's off-route 109. [Gems burst out in laughter and applause]
Steven
I can't believe you did this. I’m gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend. [bites into one] Oh, so good! [Steven's gem begins to glow] I like to eat the ears first.
Steven
Wha? My gem!
Quick! Try and summon your weapon!
Steven
I don’t know how! [panicking] Ah, it's fading! How do I make it come back?!
Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don't force it.
Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either.
Please, don't. [Steven's gem glow fades away, collective sigh]
Steven
Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?
Steven
I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So, [points] Garnet and Amethyst were here. Pearl was next to the fridge. Hmm... Amethyst, I think your arms were crossed?
Okay, your Majesty. [crosses arms]
Steven
And Pearl, your foot was like this. [moves it at the angle it was]
I don't think it works this way, Steven.
Steven
And Garnet— uhh... [mushes her face upward] Yeah.
[Steven takes half-eaten Cookie Cat out of freezer]
Steven
Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first. Uh, he’s a frozen treat..all new taste..interstellar war, now available at Gertman's... Aw! It was funnier last time! [beat, sighs] Maybe I'm not a real Crystal Gem.
Don't be silly, Steven. Of course you are.
And you’re fun to have around, even if your gem is useless. [Pearl growls]...I mean, you’re one of us, Steven. We're not the Crystal Gems without you! [Garnet nods]
Steven
Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I still got... Cookie Cat! [takes a bite] Oh, so good. [Steven’s gem glows then summons his shield, collective gasp]
Steven
Oh-ho, what?! I get a shield?! Oh... YEAH!!
[he launches the shield which ricochets everywhere across the room, breaking a TV. Amethyst cracks up]
Steven
Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!!
[looks through telescope] Look at the size of it! I had no idea these things were so big!
Garnet! Pearl! [runs to them carrying Steven]
We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity! Where were you? [Amethyst puts Steven down]
Steven
Can I see? [peers] Whoa...
[the shining sphere uncovers itself, revealing a hexagonal-looking iris and pupil]
Steven
It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!
Not awesome! It's a Red Eye!
Steven
A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!
That's pinkeye, Steven. [Amethyst laughs]
It’s going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it!
Steven
What are we going to do?
The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a light cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.
Steven
My mom?
If Rose were here, this would be so easy.
I know, but she's not. And the cannon is missing. We'll have to find another solution.
Steven
If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! Ah? Eh?
..Greg is... nice, Steven. But I doubt someone like Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.
Your dad is kinda a mess, Steven.
I'm just sayin'! Even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean somehow.
You know, before I ran the car wash, when I was a one-man band, I traveled the whole country.
Steven
I know, Dad!
When I came to play a concert here in Beach City, no one showed up except—
Steven
An alligator!
Steven
[laughs] I know!
And we were always together after that. Until she gave up her physical form to bring you into the world. [Steven's knee breaks a frame of Greg and a beautiful pink-haired woman] I don't know what a magic lady like her ever saw in a plain old dope like me.
Steven
[gasps] Uh, Dad? I broke a photo!
S'okay, buddy. If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs! [inside, a bright glow shines on Steven]
Steven
Huh? [sees a glowing pink cannon-shaped object] The light cannon!
Steven
[speaks to the cannon] Please work! Unlock! Activate! Go, please! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless! I know you can help!
It's okay, Steven! We'll figure out something else! Something even better.
Steven
R-r-right... If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hotdogs...
[the cannon glows again; Steven gasps. Its forming hinges start to drop one by one, causing Steven to fall down]
[the cannon unlocks and falls; all Gems gasp. Steven then attempts to lift it, the Gems soon help]
We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a second, we've got to go back out.
Steven
What? Why?
Because we have to place this Moon Goddess Statue at the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart. Oh Steven, you should have seen the spire in its heyday. It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It's abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue.
Steven
What? That's perfect!
Steven
Because I can help carry it for you, in this! [takes backpack out of package]
Steven
It's a novelty backpack, shaped like a cheeseburger. Aww, I blew it. [puts the backpack over his shoulder] I was just going to wear it one day, and you guys would be like "Dang, Steven, that's so cool", but this is obviously important Gem business.
Yes, so you should let us take care of it.
Steven
What? I'm a Gem! [lifts up shirt and points to gem]
But you've still got a lot to learn.
So let him come! [waves hands] It'll be educational.
Hmm, alright. [hands statue to Steven] You can carry it in your hamburger.
Steven
[gasps, then laughs] Mr. Queasy! [shakes the plush doll and laughs]
QMr. Queasy
Ooh, I got a medical condition!
Steven
You're definitely gonna come in handy! [removes first aid kit and stuffs it in]
Steven
Coming! [walks down stairs and onto warp pad]
What’s the matter Steven?
Steven
I wanted all of us to have breakfast together. So I made together breakfast, [points to breakfast] but everyone keeps leaving.
[whilst leaving through door] Ah, that’s nice.
Steven
Oh no, not you too! I can’t let this become together brunch! [runs towards door and jams with arm, slips through]
AGAll Gems (Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl)
Steven!
Steven
Ugh, [breakfast shakes] Together breakfast? [Breakfast transforms into a massive monster of its ingredients and wraps Steven in its syrup, Pearl spears it, which distracts it]
It’s taken refuge in organic matter! [Monster hits Pearl and sticks her to the wall with a mix of whipped cream and syrup]
Now it has all the power of a breakfast, we have to destroy it.
[surrounded by whipped cream] Aah! It’s horrible!
Steven
I didn’t want this! I just wanted to eat together like, like best buds!
[arm stuck in its mass] Steven, you’ve got to get away.
Steven
But my breakfast--! [Monster launches a giant waffle at both Garnet and Amethyst which smashes them against a wall]
Steven
That’s... enough! I... don’t care if you... are the most important meal of the day! [pushing the monster from the bottom, into the lava well] I made you to bring us together... not to tear us apart!
Hey, Steven, have you seen a gem shard anywhere? It's very important.
Steven
No. Have you seen my pants? [in his underwear] They're also very important.
I'm serious, Steven. [holds bubble] These shards have a powerful partial consciousness that has been harnessed by Gems throughout history in order to create...
Steven
[thinking] "They weren't in the kitchen either... under the bed! No, wait, I looked there too. And then Pearl walked in... [gasps] Pearl!"
—obedience waned as the shards overdeveloped...
Steven
"Oh, jeez... she's really explaining something... [sighs] I can't just start listening now! I'd be lost... Just like my pants..."
—could become a monster! That's why it's very, very important that it's kept away from any kind of garment.
[a pair of blue denim pants sprints across the room unnoticed]
If you see it, bring it to me right away. I'm going to check in town! [leaves]
Steven
For my pants?! [long beat] ..I guess I'll keep looking here. [sees his self-sentient pants] That's unusual!!
Ah... Where's your face, Frybo? Being part of the Fryman family means you gotta sell fries! And be my son, which you are. [Peedee sighs] So... you're already halfway there. Keep at it, Frybo!
I'm Pee— [Fryman closes door] dee...
Steven
[beat] Hi, Peedee!
When I told my Dad I wanted to be part of the Fryman family business, I didn't think it meant being stuck in a sweaty old costume. Things used to be different, Steven. Nothing to worry about back then except making myself dizzy on the old seahorse ride at Funland...
Steven
Oh, Frybo, you're hilarious. [Peedee clenches his hands, sighs]
I wish there was a way for this costume to do its job without me in it! [Steven thinks for a beat]
Steven
Maybe it can, Peedee... Maybe it can...
This seahorse used to make me so happy. Now it's just giving me whiplash. [ride stops] I feel like there's just no point to it, y-y'know what I mean?
Steven
[shaking on jellyfish ride] I just feel tingly-y-y-y-y!
[sighs] You'll understand when you have a job.
Steven
I do have a job! I protect humanity from magic and monsters and stuff!
I mean a real job that you get paid for.
Steven
I'm paid in the smiles across the town's faces.
I don't see anyone smiling. You pick up a job to buy a house, or raise kids, or to... impress your dad. You work away your life, and what does it get you?
Steven
Smiles in faces?
No! You get cash. Cash that can't buy back what the job takes. [leans, observes the gloomy beach] Not if you rode every seahorse in the world... [sighs]
Steven
Whoa... [beat] Wanna try the jellyfish?
You were great, Frybo. The kids today just didn't understand. And now... [cries] they never will...
Weren't people scared of it before he attacked them?
Steven
Shh!
It's time... [takes out lighter] to send him off.
[he lights the suit on fire, as Pearl, using the end of her spear, along with Steven's clothing push it out to the moonlit sea]
[sighs] As greasy in death... as he was in life.
Dad? Um... I'll... Are you going to get another costume? [long beat]
..Nah, I don't need another Frybo. I've got... [puts arm around Peedee] the Fryman.
[beat. Steven turns to Pearl smiling and posing heroically while standing naked]
Steven
Pearl, I think our work here is done.
[frowning] Put your clothes on, Steven.
[Amethyst shows off her shapeshifting abilities]
Amethyst, you're overdoing it.
[as a bluejay] Ah, chill it, dude!
Just because you can shapeshift, doesn't mean you should.
Steven
Can you shapeshift?
[sarcastically, transformed into Pearl] Well, of course I can! I'm perfect! [slaps her behind] WHOMP, WHOMP! [laughs as Pearl pushes her aside]
All Gems have shapeshift powers, Steven. We can turn into objects, we can change parts of our bodies, or... we could do that.
[slapping her behind again] WHOMP, WHOMP!
Steven Universe · 493 quotes
