Peridot quotes from Steven Universe

Peridot

This is Peridot, transmitting on all frequencies from abandoned Crystal System colony planet Earth, to Yellow Diamond. My mission has been compromised. My escort and informant are gone, and I am now stranded! [desperately] Please send help!

Peridot

[thru recorder] "Log date 7-1-1-2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have conclusion that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with the best Gem here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. [pause] Peridot, Facet 5, end log."

Peridot

I guess we're already here, I guess we already know

Peridot

"Jokes." [opens up the joke book; clears throat] "Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken wanted to get to the other side of the road." [laughs; then confused] What's a chicken?

Peridot

[through recorder] Pearl really tries for some reason and I can appreciate that. Amethyst's company is entertaining as well, but the fused one… [sees Garnet for a long beat, she gives her a thumbs up] …eludes me.

Peridot

[walks out of Jasper's exit hole; defeatedly] She's even got frictional rock melt. It's glass all the way to the back. Actually, I uh… I've never seen an exit hole this perfect.

Peridot

This used to make sense to me. I thought life was generated in a kindergarten. Formless, aimless energy channeled into new, useful gems. But life doesn't start in a kindergarten. It ends here. I've gotten used to plants everywhere. Bugs and breeze and sunshine...all of that has been sucked out of this place.

Peridot

Now accounting for all operational injectors. Checking for aberrations in perimeter. Ugh, this Gem tech is simply archaic.

Steven

I don't know... I think it looks pretty cool. [Peridot abruptly cancels out all the operations and turns her screen at him] Hi! I'm Steven. [Peridot's screen swoops up close at him]

Peridot

There appears to be an infestation of Stevens in the Kindergarten.

Steven

Aw, I'm not so bad once you get to know me.

Peridot

And how many more Stevens are present in this area?

Steven

Oh... just me.

Peridot

Ah, that's a relief. So tell me—have Stevens replaced humans as the dominant species on Earth?

Steven

Oh, no! There's lots of humans! There's my dad, Connie, Lars and Sadie, the mailman, Onion... I think—lots of people!

Peridot

"Hmm..."

Steven

Now I get to ask a question. What are you doing?

Peridot

"Hm, just picking up where we left off."

Peridot

"A Gem?!" [Amethyst and Pearl jump up] "Ah! More?! But the Red Eye didn't report the presence of any Gems on this planet!"

Pearl

That's because we destroyed it!

Peridot

"You what?! But the records say that Gems were wiped out on Earth! Wait a minute... [turns resilient] You were the ones that have been destroying my plug robonoids! Are you the reason the Homeworld warp is down again? [shows crying waffle sticker] This is your bizarre icon?! Uhrooh!! Why do you keep destroying my things!?!"

Pearl

Because we are the Crystal Gems! We're still alive and we're still the guardians of this planet and all its living creatures!!

Peridot

"..The Crystal Gems?" [the Gems charge and attack the giant hands] "Stop! How dare you! I'm doing this one way or another! You're just... making it... really... difficult!!"

Garnet

Amethyst! Now! [Amethyst latches the hand in mid-air]

Amethyst

DESTROY!!! [swings hand and crashes into the power source]

Peridot

"I'm reporting this!"

Garnet

Steven, get out of here!

Steven

No!

Garnet

I won't let you risk your life!

Steven

[tearing up] But this is my home, and you're all my family! [his gem glows]

Peridot

Firing.

Steven

I'm… I'm a Crystal Gem TOO! [jumps in front of the firing beam from the ship and summons out Rose's shield, protecting the Gems and himself]

Jasper

[turns around in shock] That shield! That symbol! [Steven collapses to the ground after his shield dispels] You! You have the power of Rose Quartz!

Peridot

Now do you believe I needed an escort?

Jasper

Fire a barrage, widespread! [to Steven after the ship fires a cut line across the beach] Rose, why do you look like that? Why are you so weak?

Lapis

Don't hurt him!

Jasper

You knew about this!

Lapis

It wasn't relevant to the mission!

Jasper

Forget about the mission!

Peridot

What?!

Jasper

Yellow Diamond needs to see this... thing.

Peridot

Log Date 6-5-2. This is Peridot updating status. Still stuck on miserable planet. The fusion experiments are developing properly. A few have even emerged early- [spots Steven and shrieks; Steven stares silently at her as she looks around; whispers to him] Are the other ones with you? [Steven slowly shakes his head no and nods yes quickly, shrugging] Of course. Why not?

Garnet

[off-screen] PERIDOT!

Pearl

THERE SHE IS!

Peridot

Stupid broken warp. First, the Communication Hub. Now this is busted again. These Crystal Gems are a menace.

Pearl

Oh, aha! Look! I was right! My plan worked perfectly!

Steven

[waves at her] Good morning!

Peridot

What?! How did you know I was here?

Steven

We found a secret way to track you, and we'll never tell you how, even if you ask nicely.

Peridot

[laughs] You Gems really are as dull as dirt!

Pearl

You're the dull one if you thing you can fly this wreck!

Peridot

[pauses] What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.

Steven

[cleans off a microphone, speaks into it] Pearl says you're the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!

Peridot

[waits for Steven's response to come through] [laughs] Fly? I'm not using this vessel to fly. I'm using it to TRAP YOU! [a door closes, trapping Steven and the Gems in the room] Isn't this nice? No more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things. Looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you CLODS?!

Pearl

No...

Amethyst

[speaks into the microphone] Hey, uh, this is Amethyst. I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo-

Peridot

Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! [dramatically hits a button] Hiyah! [nothing happens, hits it again] Hiyah!

Peridot

It works! Yes! DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIIIIE!

Peridot

Stupid button here, I don't know what anything is AGGGH! [raises her fists in frustration] Blast this old Gem tech! Where'd they go? Why isn't anything working?!

Garnet

Surrender, Peridot! You have nowhere to run!

Steven

The Crystal Gems are gonna get you!

Peridot

You really think this is the end?! [aims her blaster at the Gems; laughs] This, this is only the beginning... of my escape! [points her blaster away at the ceiling and fires an energy shot, blast a large hole in the roof of the ship, and begins to fly off again with her helicopter fingers; laughing tauntingly] Well, I'd love to stick around and watch another one of your pathetic attempts to capture me, but I guess I'm just too smart for the likes of you lumpy, clumpy, clods! [continues laughing until Steven grabs her onto one of her feet]

Steven

I caught a Peridot!

Peridot

Hey! Get your touch-stumps off me, you Steven!

Steven

What do you want from me?!

Peridot

I want to get off this lousy gem-forsaken planet!

Steven

Huh?

Peridot

[shapes her fingers into arrows and points down to the Homeworld Warp] You have to fix this!

Steven

Wait, what?!

Peridot

You're my last chance. I've got no Flask Robonoids. I've got no foot! I've got no response from Yellow Diamond! [breathes in and out] I know (that) you fixed Lazuli's gem. Whatever you did, you've got to do it to the Homeworld Warp! Or else! [charges up her energy blaster, threatening to blast him]

Steven

Oh, o-okay, just give me a second! My mouth gets really dry when I'm scared. [licks his palm] Here goes. [slaps his palm onto the Homeworld Warp pad, but nothing happened]

Peridot

[confused] What was that? It didn't do anything!

Steven

It… doesn't always work.

Peridot

No. No, no, no, no, no! It has to work!

Steven

I'm really sorry.

Peridot

[laughs and sits down; plaintively] This was it. This was my last shot. [gasps] I'm gonna die here!

Steven

Hey, hey, come on. Earth isn't that bad.

Peridot

It doesn't matter what Earth is like! It's not going to be like anything soon!

Peridot

Wait. Y-You need me! I'm the only one who knows about the…

Pearl

[shocked] What on earth?!

Amethyst

Ugh, sick. There's bits of her all over.

Garnet

Nope. She's right here. [bubbles Peridot's gemstone and sends it off to the temple] And now she's in the temple.

Pearl

So… these weren't actually part of her body?