D'Vana Tendi quotes from Star Trek: Lower Decks

D’Vana Tendi

I thought you said it was tradition, I thought you said nobody cared.

Beckett Mariner

They didn't. There was no way the captain noticed we were padding stuff out. Somebody ratted! I bet it was delta shift.

D’Vana Tendi

Ugh! Delta shift is the worst. They think they're so much better than us, just because they're so much better than us!

D’Vana Tendi

It just- I feel terrible about this… you know.

Don't worry about it. Don't talk to me.

D’Vana Tendi

Anyway, I went and found a Hiverian metronome, and apparently if you just relax, and let it sync to your biorhythm, we can get you back on track and ascending by this afternoon!

You think I can realign a decade of spiritual enlightenment by this afternoon?!

D’Vana Tendi

Tomorrow morning at the latest.

Sam Rutherford

You know, Kula told me the Vancouver has fluidic processors that self-replicate their own silicas."

D’Vana Tendi

Nuh-uh!

Sam Rutherford

And he said they had tritanium hull brackets, and get this: T88s!

D’Vana Tendi

That can't be right. T88s aren't even out yet.

Sam Rutherford

I know.

D’Vana Tendi

It's a starship, not heaven!

D’Vana Tendi

Wait a second, you can't just transfer us against our will!

Pfft. Watch me. Do I need to remind you who my grandma's neighbor was? I guess I do. It was the admiral! And he's a psycho!

Sam Rutherford

Listen, I've been working on this new holodeck training program. I think it can help you. You want to try it out?

D’Vana Tendi

Oh my gosh, yes! Thank you, thank you so much, Rutherford! The holodeck, gah! Why didn't I think of that sooner?

Sam Rutherford

Yeah, you know it's not just for hanging with Sherlock Holmes, and Robin Hood, and Sigmund Freud, and Cyrano de Bergerac, and Einstein, and da Vinci, and Stephen Hawking, and Socrates…

Badgey

Fun fact, I'm gonna rip your eyes out!

D’Vana Tendi

That fact wasn't fun!

D’Vana Tendi

She's 5% faster and 6% smarter. You know, I hand-edited all six billion sequences. It was really fun!

Brad Boimler

When did you even find time for that?

D’Vana Tendi

Sometimes when I say that I'm going to the bathroom, I'm really recoding her DNA.

Clar

You did not do martial arts on multiple armed guards!

D’Vana Tendi

You're right. I didn't.

D'Vana Tendi

Nice shot, da Vinci!

Grazie.

D'Vana Tendi

Um, so do you wanna go maybe sit and look at the warp core with me?

Beckett Mariner

Wow, so lame! Yes, let's do it.

Sam Rutherford

We talking warp core? Ooh baby, I'm in!

D'Vana Tendi

So, hey, do you want me to call you 'Exocomp,' or do you have an alphanumeric name, like TT30311?

Peanut Hamper

No, I didn't want to sound robotic, I wanted to be called something normal. So I analyzed all Federation languages and calculated a mathematically perfect name.

D'Vana Tendi

What is it?"

Peanut Hamper

Peanut Hamper.

D'Vana Tendi

Peanut Hamper? I LOVE IT!

Sam Rutherford

Nice to meet you, I'm Rutherford.

D'Vana Tendi

Oh, your implant. I-It must have damaged your long term memory. Do you remember me at all?

Sam Rutherford

Well, no. But don't take it personally. I don't remember what I don't remember.

D'Vana Tendi

You know what this means, right? (Her eternal optimism kicks in) We get to become best friends all over again!

Sam Rutherford

Okie dokie!

D'Vana Tendi

What about the needs of the many?

Peanut Hamper

I joined Starfleet to piss off my dad, not to be a virus bomb.

Stop! You can't just keep attacking me and trying to surprise me into getting better. If I do have this LSD thing.

D'Vana Tendi

SMD

Whatever. You can't cure it like getting rid of hiccups.

D'Vana Tendi

You're right.

Thank you.

D'Vana Tendi

I'll have to get your brain out of your skull and freeze it so I can nanosuture your dendrites by hand!

So you were utilizing highly-invasive neuromedical procedures in order to make sure I liked you?

D'Vana Tendi

Yes, you can hate me

How can I hate you? Tackling an emotional problem with scientific experimentation is exactly what I would've done.