Mike Flaherty quotes from Spin City

Stuart

Why wouldn't you ask me to look after The Mayor's daughter?

Mike

Same reason they don't give guns to monkeys

I'm going to stand here and read this story to the city, because I want all the children out there to believe in the magic of (reading speech) Satan.

Mike

That's Santa. It's a typo.

James

You wait until there's something important to you and i eat it.

Mike

The Mayor is a man of great vision

(Walks out of sauna with steamed up glasses) I can't see

Mike

[Tossing a bunch of towels into the sauna] Here are your towels!

Stuart

[From inside the sauna] We don't need them!

STUART!

Mike

Well, it's not all bad news.

Paul

How could you say that?

Mike

Well, for starters, it's not all my fault anymore.

Paul

(on Mike taking over) Are you sure this is legal?

Mike

What, are you wearing a wire?

Carter

Go on without me!

Mike

I'm not leaving you behind!

Carter

You don't have a choice!

Mike

Whatever may occur, I will find you!

Mike

How many cigars equal a dead cow anyway?

Janelle

Twelve.

Carter

Mike, shouldn't we wear the oranges?

Mike

Oh, forget the oranges.

Mike

Let's orange up.

what are you doing, that is a deer

Mike

Oh darn, that means I’ve got Ed strapped to the roof of my car

Carter

Blood type?

Mike

Deer? [off Carter’s look] Deer negative.

Carter

‘Relationship to patient’ oh that’s easy: Assassin!

Mike

Listen Carter, I may have shot him, but you ate his mother!

Mike

Paul, ever since you got married, you have been nothing but excuses

Paul

Well that's not true!

Mike

Paul, you've been married five months, you've celebrated your anniversary seven times!

Paul

Mike, Claudia needs me.

Mike

I need you!

Paul

Claudia depends on me.

Mike

I depend on you!

Paul

Claudia gives me sweet lovin'.

Mike

......I depend on you!

Carter

(in a bunny suit) Mike, hurry up!

Mike

I can't run in this suit!

(in a Santa suit) Well, young man, what do you want for Christmas?

Mike

Uh, my dignity back.

Old Stuart

Long time no see. How old are you now?

Mike

(Looks exactly the same) Eighty-eight.

Stuart

You know who I can't believe is still alive?

Carter

Who? Ha.