James Hobert quotes from Spin City

James

Look at me Mike. I'm twenty-six, I'm single..., and I'm holding the ashes of a dead cow

James

I have nothing.

Nikki

Can't you guys control those things?

Stuart

Not always.

Mike

You can scold it, or smack it around a little bit. That only seems to encourage it.

Nikki

I am fascinated.

James

Sometimes all it takes is a thought, memory...sometimes all it takes is a slight breeze.

James

We've got to rescue her from that monster!

Mike

He's her boyfriend, he's not Jason.

Nikki

I can't get from ESPN to the Comedy Channel without some big penis waving in my face.

James

Where are you watching television?

Stacey

I can tell when people are lying. It's a gift.

James

You know, I have a friend who can do the same thing.

Stacey

No you don't.

James

Every year, my mom makes a whole Nativity scene out of candy. (picks up a piece) Chocolate Jesus.

Carter

James, please. At work, just call me Carter.

I'm going to stand here and read this story to the city, because I want all the children out there to believe in the magic of (reading speech) Satan.

Mike

That's Santa. It's a typo.

James

You wait until there's something important to you and i eat it.

I don't know what it is about you, James, there's something about you. You just seem so, so old....so mature.

James

Maybe that's because you teach 4th grade.

Mike

James! Good news buddy, you are back on speech duty. Now I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but you got to write me something amazing.

James

You got it, Mike. [tries to leave]

Mike

No no no James you don't understand. This has to be brilliant, I mean, it has to be inspiring.

James

No sweat, I'll crank something out by lunchtime

Mike

Not with that attitude you won't! Look, where are the nerves. Where's the fear? Do you know what great athletes do before the big game?

James

Steroids?