Mike Flaherty quotes from Spin City

Mike

Was there a reason why you would do this to me?

Stuart

Did you not strut down a runway in a 300-pound fat-suit?

Mike

Yeah.

Stuart

Then I don't understand the question...

Mike

On that note, I found this while I was accidentally...rifling through your desk. (Reading personal ad) "Divorced male seeks special lady for romance." Sir, you can't submit a personal ad.

You think that's me?

Mike

[Reading personal ad] "6'4, salt and pepper hair.....Mayor of New York."

Mike

Item 10: Inappropriate use of the word "mount". Item 11: Pushing the elevator button without using his hands. (pause) What floor?

Stuart

3rd

Mike

That's not bad.

Mike

So - has anybody felt harassed by Stuart?

Paul

Stuart has been publishing naked pictures of me to the internet!

Mike

That's not harassing you, Paul, that's harassing the internet.

Mike

This is like stepping back in time.

The past is prologue, Michael. Men like us have to keep looking to the future.

Mike

What the hell are you talking about?

I don't know.

Mike

(reading Owen's list)Things to do: Banish Satan and the forces of Evil; build the New Jerusalem; buy milk...

Damn! I always forget the milk!

Mike

James! Good news buddy, you are back on speech duty. Now I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but you got to write me something amazing.

James

You got it, Mike. [tries to leave]

Mike

No no no James you don't understand. This has to be brilliant, I mean, it has to be inspiring.

James

No sweat, I'll crank something out by lunchtime

Mike

Not with that attitude you won't! Look, where are the nerves. Where's the fear? Do you know what great athletes do before the big game?

James

Steroids?

Paul

Guess what I am doing tonight. A: Going to the gym. B: Being a contestant on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?".

Mike

Well, we know it's not the gym.

Mike

And remember, don't anybody tell Paul about this 'cause he's got a big mouth!

Paul

Who has a big mouth? Tell me! I wanna know! I wanna tell other people!

Mike, are you angry at me, or are you angry at your penis?

Mike

Is that the only class you took in training school?

Mike

If you take the fall, then the whole staff goes down with you. This way, only one person gets hurt.

But why can't that person be Paul?

Mike

Make sure this Tony guy doesn't think you're still dating him.

Nikki

Fine, I will die alone with 17 cats.

Mike

You've got some nerve barging into your office telling me how to do your job!

Charlie

That didn't make any sense.

Mike

I figured if I yelled, you wouldn't notice.