South Park · Season 26, Episode 1
“Cupid Ye” · Season 26, Episode 1
In this episode: Eric Cartman (5), Kyle Broflovski (3), Stan Marsh (2), Tolkien (2), Clyde (1), PC Principal (1), Scott (1)
[Stan, Cartman, and Kenny are watching Kyle and Tolkien's TikTok video on Stan's phone, all perplexed]
What the fuck is this? Seriously, what the fuck is this? You guys notice that Kyle and Tolkien are doing everything together, lately?
Yeah, they're quite the little team, aren't they?
Hey, Stan. Guess what? I have some good news for you.
What?
A little magic fairy told me that you and Kyle are gonna get back together soon.
I don't care that Kyle is making TikToks with Tolkien.
Yes, you do. But don't worry, Stan. It's almost Valentine's Day. And the little angel on my shoulder says that Kyle is gonna come running back to you any minute!
[approaching Kyle and Tolkien with Scott] Hey, Kyle, you got a minute?
Yeah, what's up?
Well, there's this rumor starting to go around the school. Kids are saying it like… I don't know, like, you run Hollywood.
What?
I told Scott that's just people being dumb and he shouldn't listen to stuff like that. But…Scott and I do have this sweet movie idea about a dude who has guns for hands and we have the first 20 pages written, so… You don't really run Hollywood, right?
[angrily] I'm not even going to justify that with a response. Because repeating a derogatory slur, even for the purpose of refuting it, can make stupid people think it's valid! [storms off]
Holy shoot. Kyle runs Hollywood.
Kyle runs Hollywood, and you fucked up the pitch!
How'd I frack up the pitch?!
You gotta tell him what the stakes are! People who make movies, they just care about the stakes!
The guy has guns for hands!
[Later, in the principal's office…]
[confronting Cartman] Mr. Cartman, did you or did you not tell students at this school that Kyle runs Hollywood?
I think I did say that, yes.
And why would you say such an intolerant, offensive thing like that?!
[shrugs] Somebody runs Hollywood.
[irritated] Lots of people run Hollywood!
Yes, lots of… people like Kyle.
Mr. Cartman, you are a dangerous frickin' ground here, buddy!
Okay, wait, wait, cut. Hang on. Let's try it again. I think you forgot the words.
Yeah, sorry. I'm just tired. I didn't get the best sleep last night. Maybe I should do the mom part.
Nah, you do the kid part, it's funnier.
Okay, yeah. I guess you call the shots.
What's that supposed to mean?
Just means you're in charge.
Oh, I'm in charge. Like I control things? Huh, are you gonna start saying I run Hollywood now too?
I didn't say I run Hollywood. And honestly, I'm getting kind of sick of hearing it.
You're sick of hearing it?
Yeah, I'm sick of hearing it.
[as Cartman watches them argue from behind the bushes, smiling] Oh, my God, are you listening to yourself? You of all people should have some compassion.
Oh, really? Why me of all people, Kyle?
You seriously don't know why? You know that Jews have stood alongside Blacks since the Civil Rights movement began, right?
What does that have to do with anything?
I'm just saying I thought you'd be a better friend. 'Cause you're like…
'Cause I'm like what? Black?
Oh my God, this is so awesome.
Whatever, Tolkien. Now you're gonna act like I somehow did something wrong to you.
No, you didn't do it to me. It just seems to work out that way all the time for you people.
You people?! No, it works that way for you people!
You know what?! I don't wanna make TikToks with you anymore!
I don't wanna make TikToks with you anymore!
Good!
Good!
[They both angrily go their separate ways]
What are you waiting for? Let's jack up these mofos!
Holy shit!
What the heck is that?!
[off-screen] CUPID YE!!! [the kids all turn around and stare at him; shaking a bottle of pills] Time to take your meds.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's South Park pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
