Stephen in “Sponsored Content”

[reads school paper in bed] Wow. Wow, this is so great. Have you ever read the elementary school newspaper, Linda? There's no ads, no sponsored content, no links to click on. Just news stories about what's happening. Did you know that the police in ShiTpaTown beat up homeless to clear them out? Do you know long it's been since I was able to just sit back and read the news? I got so used to getting news off the Internet. But I feel like I'm always trying to chase the news somehow. [sets paper down] It's like... I'm in a black void, trying to reach the news story. [sees himself running in a void of content] But then the next thing I know I'm reading an ad for Gieco. So I click out of that and try to read the news story but it's not a news story, it's a slideshow! And I'm looking at the "Worst Celebrity Plastic Surgery Jobs Ever". So of course I want to see the next line of plastic surgery gone wrong, so I hit the arrow, but then the arrow wasn't the arrow for the next slide, it was to take me to an ad for face cream. Haugh! I wanted to get a news story, but I'm reading about face cream and I try to click out of it, but the ad is following me, it's-it's following me all over the screen!! Nooo! So I click on the close button, but it wasn't a close button, it was another slideshow, and I just want to know what's happening in the Middle East, but instead, I'm looking at the "Top 10 Scariest Movies of All Time", and that's not the arrow for the next slide, it's another ad! Aaagh!! [comes back to reality] But this... this is just news. And I don't get lost in all the bull shoot. [sees Linda focusing on her smartphone] Linda? LINDA!!