You'll never get away with this, Eggman!
TailsSonic will see you coming from a mile away!
[Inside, it is revealed that Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks have all turned evil and have Eggman's mustaches on their faces.]
Yeah! If we wanna trap Sonic, we got to think like Sonic!
[Dramatic music plays and the camera shifts to all of Sonic's evil friends before stopping on Eggman.]
This is even better than I hoped! Five evil genius masterminds!
Actually, I'm an evil mastermind of average intelligence.
Five evil genius masterminds, give or take. Working together under my leadership, we'll be unstoppable!
So here's the plan! We wait at the beach shack for Sonic, and then bombard it with an all-out robot assault from five different sides! [Moves the figurines around]
No, no, no! [Has a badnik figurine] What we should do is tunnel underneath to bypass his defenses!
Tails
[With a flying badnik figurine] We should attack from above by plane!
We have to get rid of his stupid friends first!
Tails
Airplane!
Tails
Airplane!
Calm down! Even though you're evil geniuses now, for the most part, you lack experience. Time for a crash course in villainy! [Laughs manically]
[Later, Eggman is in the classroom with the others.]
Evil lesson number one: Berating your underlings! Orbot. Would you kindly hand out the worksheets?
Gladly, Sir. [Proceeds to do so]
[Stops Orbot with a ruler] Not that worksheet, you dunderhead! [Knocks some of the worksheets off] See? It's that easy.
[The others write down what they saw. Now in Eggman's monitor room.]
Lesson number four: Surveillance! There's nothing more evil than recording your subjects without their knowledge. [Looks over to Orbot and Cubot messing around]
[Wearing a Viking helmet] Ota oh ha! Ota oh ha!
Get me a monkey wrench. I'll fix that.
[In a different room.]
Lesson number seven: Mustache care and maintenance. Fifty strokes every morning. But don't overdo it!
Tails
Or what?
[Her mustache is messed up] Don't ask..!
[Back in the classroom.]
Lesson number twelve: Lesson numbering! Evil lessons should be numbered as followed: "1", "4", "7", "12", "16".
[Outside of the lair.]
Lesson number sixteen: Target practice!
[Eggman, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks all fire at Orbot and Cubot with Disintegrator Rays.]
We must procure assistance.
We don't have time for that! Let's just get help!
Yeah! [Places a golf ball on a tee] Who's gonna take it downtown? Knuckles! That's who! Gonna pour Sonic a hurt-tonic. And the pain is gonna be chronic!
Okay, we get it. [flips a coin]
Tails! [Turning his attention to Tails] Tails, you flip it! Not sure I trust this guy.
[Sonic gives the coin to Tails who flips it in the air.]
[The coin lands on Tails' wrist and he flips it over to reveal it as tails.]
[Sonic tosses his golf ball into the air and hits it with his club. The golf ball then flies right into the hole and rolls back down the mountain where it pops up from a hole and Sonic catches it.]
[Knuckles heads over to swing his gofaball and the golf ball rolls toward the hole but a leaf lands on it causing it to move the other way.]
Tails
One nothing, Sonic!
Aw, come on! You saw the wind blew that, right? [Swings another gofaball but it hits some birds.] What?!
You gotta factor in bird migration. That's Gopher Ball 101.
[Knuckles growls and goes to swing another ball. However, it ends up going past the hole and Knuckles tries again. He tries again over and over until he tires out.]
Tails
Maybe you need to work on your swing.
You kidding me?! It has nothing to with my swing! It has everything to do with luck!
[Sonic and Tails just stare at him and Knuckles takes another swing where the ball actually stops in midair before landing. A frustrated Knuckles throws his club which actually lands in the hole and Knuckles screams loudly. Like a "Gaaaaah!".]
[Meteors are raining down with Knuckles at the bottom trying to get hit by one of them.]
Come on, meteors! Take your best shot!
You've got to do something! He's going to hurt himself!
What do you suggest we do?
Tails
You could lose to him on purpose.
What else ya got? [Tails and Amy have no other ideas. Sonic sighs.] I'll talk some sense into him. Leave it to me. [Jumps down and runs to Knuckles.] Knux, you're wasting your time with this luck stuff. I've been beating you lately entirely due to skill.
Skill! By the way, I beat you in this argument just now.
You didn't win yet, because I'm still saying the word 'luck'. Luuuuuck!
[Knuckes gets crushed by a meteor while Amy facepalms at this.]
Can we discuss this somewhere else?
[Sonic skids to a stop right in front of Eggman. Amy, Sticks, and Tails arrive just after.]
So Eggman, what makes you think this stunt will go any better than the last dozen or so you've pulled?
The Luck Balance of the Universe. That's what!
Tails
What? You believe that stuff, too?
[Knuckles runs up behind them.]
Sorry I'm late. What can I do to-
[The roof falls down from the sky and lands on the ground.]
I'm unscathed! I'm a little schmitzy! But no matter. It's also laundry day!
[Eggman turns around, Orbot and Cubot follow.]
[Singing] Today is my lucky day!
[Knuckles walks up, holding his head.]
You guys okay? Wow, that was nuts. I can't believe that.
We had him cornered. What are you doing here?
You're not helping! You're just bad luck! I have an idea. Since you and your bad luck just hurt our side, why don't you just join Eggman and make it official?
Fine! If that's how you're gonna be about it, I'm gonna work with someone who appreciates me! [Knuckles runs off angrily.]
Knuckles, come back! [Sonic walks up next to her.]
Hold up. Let's let this play out.
[Dr. Eggman is floating in the Eggmobile above the destroyed building. The villagers, frightened, look up at him.]
Attention, village. Your panicked screaming and fear-addled hysteria have so charmed and delighted me these past few moments, that I wish to extend my appreciation by debuting for you my most extravagant ode to destruction yet. Behold: the Mega!
[Eggman's giant robot, called the Mega, appears in front of the villagers, and the villagers gasp in horror.]
I call him that because he's seven percent bigger than my other robots.
[Eggman, Orbot, and Cubot turn to see Knuckles walking up to them.]
Eggman, I'm through with Sonic. I'm joining your side.
[Eggman, amused, flies in a circle around Knuckles.]
Ah! A defector has come to join the winning team. More good luck!
Pretty cool robot. [He approaches the enormous robot.] New?
Yeah, nice, right? Safe to say my best ever. [Eggman pushes a button on his wrist control. The robot starts moving, but suddenly, due to Knuckles' bad luck, its head explodes. The crowd gasps while Knuckles looks at the robot, puzzled.] Though, it's basically a prototype. [The robot places its hand in the hole where its head exploded and pulls out a bomb.] Never really tested it in the field before, but the designs look really sound. [The bomb starts beeping, and the robot places it back into its body.] So, I figured with this string of good luck I've been having. [The bomb in the robot detonates, causing the body to rocket into the sky and completely explode. Parts rain down across the village, yet interestingly, Eggman chuckles happily.] Hey, now it's tested, and I don't have to clean up the mess. [Eggman turns to Knuckles.] Good luck with that, suckers! [Eggman leaves with Orbot and Cubot.]
[Knuckles feels really depressed.]
Wow, my bad luck follows me wherever I go.
[Sonic, Amy, Sticks, and Tails walk up to Knuckles.]
Or, is it good luck? After all, our side won.
But I was on the other side.
No, you weren't. I sent you on a secret mission for us.
It was so secret... even I didn't know about it.
Yeah. You see, you switched sides, and your bad luck overpowered Eggman's good luck, but you were really on our side, so by losing, you won!
[Everyone is leaving the village together.]
You know what I've been wondering, though?
Tails
Where crazy luck theories come from?
When the bad luck leaves me... where does it go?
[A large piece of the smashed robot lands right on top of Tails, revealing that Knuckles' bad luck has passed to him. Everyone turns around and sees him lying underneath the heavy metal.]
Tails
There's a perfectly good... explanation for this. [The equipment falls onto his head again.]
[Team Sonic is watching a meteor shower over it near a campfire.]
Tails, what are you doing?
Tails
[laying down on a rock looking at the sky] Just enjoying this beautiful meteor shower.
[Colorful meteors rain down from the night sky.]
That one's flying beautifully toward us!
[A meteor flies over Team Sonic and it crashes nearby.]
Tails
This could be a major find! We need to approach it cautiously and with great care so that–
Race ya! [speeds off while Knuckles, Amy, and Sticks follow behind]
Tails
[sighs] Wait for me!
[Tails is working on a device. Sonic runs in.]
Tails, I need jumper cables. [Tails reaches into his toolbox without looking and grabs a pair of jumper cables, which he holds up. Sonic grabs them and runs off. Tails goes back to work. Sonic runs back.] You got any duct tape? [Tails once again reaches into his toolbox, and holds up a roll of duct tape. Sonic grabs it and runs off, but comes right back again.] How about a battery?
Tails
Antimatter or self-generating?
I don't know. Something with a lot of juice.
Tails': Antimatter's on the top shelf, behind the video games.
Thanks. [runs over, grabs 2 batteries, then runs off again]
[catches a chili dog with a body dive before it hits the sand] Oh, got it! That was almost the worst disaster imaginable. [eats the chili dog] Mmm…
[Team Sonic is having a baroque outside Sonic's Shack. Tails and Amy sit at the table while Sticks works the grill. Suddenly, Mirror Knuckles appears out of thin air]
Yargh! Kill it with fire!
Tails
Calm down, it's just Knuckles.
Oh. [shouting] Kill Knuckles with fire!
You were supposed to get hamburger buns.
In mid-battle? Sweet Amy, there will be time for your delicious burgers after we've defeated that dastardly deviant Eggman.
Tails
And impressive alliteration. You've been taking night classes?
Hey guys! [walks in, carrying a tray full of burger buns and looks at his Mirror doppelganger; they stare at each other] Who's the beefcake?
They really look alike. We need to figure out how to tell them apart.
I know. Our Knuckles can wear something to distinguish himself, but which one's our Knuckles?
Well, that depends. What does distinguish mean? [Amy runs off and returns with a blue party hat.] No way! I'm not wearing that!
I'd be honored to wear your ridiculous hat my dear. [puts the hat on]
He may look like Knuckles, but he sure doesn't talk like him.
Hey! I talked gooder than you.
Tails
[thinking] There's a perfectly rational explanation for this. [Everyone looks and listens to Tails, but after a long wait, he shrugs.] I just haven't figured it out yet. [Everyone groans at Tails.]
Worry not, young Tails. Be diligent. In time, the answer will seek you.
Whoa. I sound like a fortune cookie! [tries to eat his right arm] Yeah, but I don't taste like one.
There's only one person smart enough to unravel this enigma.
Welcome to Meh Burger. Can I take your order?
Dave! I'm glad I found you, friend. We need your brilliant mind.
I'm sorry. We're all out of that. May I recommend the Meh Rib Sandwich? They're only available for a limited time.
[clenches his fist] What's going on here?! Everyone seems to be the opposite of their normal selves.
Tails
Hmm... I think I understand what's happening. They say it's available for a limited time to create a false demand.
Tails
Also, I just figured out that this guy is from another dimension!
Another dimension? You mean with duplicates of each of us?
[nervous] What if another of me shows up? I can't trust me. I'm a loose cannon! [screams and runs away]
[Sticks, Knuckles, Tails and Amy sitting whilst Sonic is running around a table.]
Tails
We're approaching hour 23 of Sonic and Knuckles' stay awake challenge and it's still anybody's game. Sticks, what do you make of their strategy so far?
It appears Sonic is jogging in circles to stay awake while Knuckles keeps his focus by watching late night TV. Both strong approaches, but personally, I find the grim knowledge that our freedom is slowly eroding enough to keep me awake at night.
Give it up, Knuckles. I can keep moving all night. The second you find something boring on TV, you're going to be out like a light.
Don't be silly, Sonic, TV is never boring. [changes channels]
CCComedy Chimp
So, Soar. Tell us more about your dried, dense and complicated new book about introspection and selfbetterment.
My new book, counter productive, is about fixing your old mistakes, times when you made a mess of things. [Knuckles watches him interested] When you were a bad apple, active like a basket case.
[starts to have a flashback at a market where Charlie works] Hey, Charlie. Can I borrow your basket? It's really important! [grabs and puts the baskets on his feet] Haha, neat! I'm all tall and stuff!
[Back at Tails' House]
[waving her hand in front of Knuckles] His eyes are open, but his brain is definitly asleep. Sonic wins!
[wakes up] Gah! Am I... counter productive?
Nope, just someone who can't stay awake for 23-hour straight.
If you don't go back to the people you've wronged and make up for your misdeeds, then you're basically a monster and that's science.
[ Screaming ] Don't look at me! I'm a monster, a monster!
[sighs] Hope this turns out better than when he thought he was a ballerina.
[Flashback at Sonic's Shack]
Don't look at me! I'm a ballerina, a ballerina! [Starts dancing]
Sonic Boom · 106 quotes
