Sid Jenkins quotes from Skins

Mark

Sid, have you got a razor I can borrow? [Looks astonished at what meets him]

Sid

It's OK, Dad. Michelle's just a bit upset.

Mark

Finally! [calls his wife] Liz... Yeah. [Excitedly] Hey listen. It's conclusive! He's not gay!

Sid

Hang on, you want to nick my dad's car? Why can't we nick your dad's instead?

Tony

Because, Sid, my dad has central locking, sophisticated alarm system, and probably thinks a spell in prison would do me good. Whereas your dad has a 20 year-old car, neighbourhood watch, and won't prosecute.

Tony

Effy's different, I sort of own her, 'cause she's my sister. But with you... I just really wanted you there. Then you were, in the car.

Sid

Thing is, Tony, you sort of own me too. Mostly in a good way.

Anthea

I suppose we should congratulate you for getting her clean drugs.

Tony

You think this was me?

Anthea

She was with you.

Tony

I wasn't. I was...

Don't deny it.

Anthea

Tony, she's your little sister.

Tony

I know. I know. But listen, for a second...

Anthea

No. I've had enough of listening to you. We all have. You and your horrid little ways, always at other people's expense.

Sid

Hang on. That's enough.

Anthea

What!?

Sid

He loves Effy. Don't you think this is hard enough?

And who the fuck are you?

Sid

I'm his best friend!

And I'm his fucking father!

Sid

[coldly] I know what you are. [pause] Come on, Tony, we're going. [gets up]

Sid

[writing a letter] Cassie, I don't care if you think you're odd, because I feel like singing when I see you. And you're beautiful. And I've been such a fucking chapstick this past few weeks. And all I want to do this morning is sit on top of Brandon Hill and hold you, and tell you how wonderful you are... and stick my hand down your knickers. [thinks, crosses this out]

Cassie

[writing a letter] Dear Sid, it isn't easy to tell you this, so that's why I'm writing. Don't try to ring me, because you're not allowed to here, and anyway I don't want to speak to you. And there's nothing you can say to change this. My mom and dad decided that things aren't working out, so I'm moving to a place called Elgin. It's in Scotland, and everyone's happy there. They're coming for me tonight, and then I'll be gone and we won't have to play this silly game anymore. I want you to know that I really liked you, Sid. But... it's too late now. Goodbye.

Sid

Tony you're my best friend, but I really don't know what the fuck you're on about most of the time... do you think that matters?

Tony

Sidney, I think on balance... it helps.

You still in the school, boy?

Sid

Oh, A-levels, you know?

[sneering] A-levels? I hear they make them nice and easy for you down here.

Sid

Why don't you stand up to him?

Mark

Dad's always been ill.

Sid

[enquiringly] What with?

Mark

It's uh... [scoffs] I don't actually know. I think everytime I see him, it's gonna be the last time and you can't take chances with that.

Sid

He calls you stupid and useless and crap.

Mark

[glumly] My father's disappointed. They often are.

Sid

[enquiringly] Is that how you see me?

Mark

[turning around and calmly] Never.

Sid

I'm useless and crap. I fuck everything up and it drives you mad.

Mark

[walking to Sid] Do you hear me Sid? Never.

[sneering] Cannae hold onto your woman, eh?

Mark

Fuck off out of my house, you miserable Scottish cunt!

[in disbelief] You... You, you... what!?

Mark

[approaches Alex] I know what your game is, Alex. It's a fucking good yin. But I'm not buying it, you got me?

Sid

[Enquiringly] Dad?

Mark

It's okay, Sid. [Raises his voice] They're all leaving! RIGHT NOW! [Alex looks shocked]

Sid

I think I dumped Cassie. She's with some guy.

Mark

They're always with some guy. If they're special, you just have to make sure that guy is you. Alright?

Sid

[getting up] Anyways, we should get the tents up. [helps Michelle up] Gimme a hand getting them off the...

Sid

...Roof?

Chris

Look, it's not my fault!

I told you to tie the tents to the roof!

Chris

No, no, no, you said to put the stuff on the roof! Nobody said anything about tying!

Maxxie

You meader, Chris!

Sid

[As Anwar pushes Chris] What did you think was holding them up there, you muppet?!

Michelle

Where the fuck are we gonna sleep!?

Chris

I'm sorry! [pause] Fuck it, I'm inadequate. What can you do?

This! [reaches out and crushes his testicles]

Sid

Oh, that's gotta hurt.

Effy

[About Sid's drawing] "Loser" isn't an emotion.

Sid

It is to me. You think it's shit, don't you?

Effy

Yes.

Sid

I used four biros. And I bought them. [takes them out] Four. You owe me 79 pence.

Sid

Whoa, whoa, whoa, Effy, what're you doing?

Effy

[undressing] I'm going out. You've got 24 hours, Sid, to produce something that doesn't look like coursework for GCSE spaz. [crosses over to her cupboard and takes out a pallet, paint and brush] Dip your brush in that, and don't even think of leaving this room until you've done it. [sits down on the bed in her underwear]

Sid

Listen, I don't think this is working out, yeah? Right, shall we just leave it, okay? I quit.

Sid

[realising what she's doing] All right. All right! I'm doing it.

Cassie

[acidly] What do you want, Sid?

Sid

I want you to stop what you're doing, okay? You know: fucking around, fucking anything that moves. Just stop it!

Cassie

You started it!

Sid

I don't care, I don't care! You're cruel! I hate you!

Cassie

I hate you right back. Why don't you pop over to Michelle's and give her one? [mock surprise] Oh, another one!

Sid

[annoyed] Just give it a fucking rest, okay? You know, it's you and me. You know that, and you're being stupid!

Cassie

My turn!

Sid

You went away! Why did you go away? You know, I needed you, and you pissed off! My dad said... he said you're special, but you're not! You're just slutting around like a spoilt kid!

Cassie

[singsong] Michelle, Sid, Michelle!

Sid

I don't love Michelle! I never loved Michelle, I love you, but you—[sits down, and starts to cry] God, where were you? My dad fucking died. [Cassie's guilt begins to show] I needed you. I mean, Michelle?... We had great sex for three days and guilty sex for the rest. So what? I don't care! I did it. I hate you. [gets up to leave] Fine, fuck fifteen year olds. Whatever. I'm sick of saying sorry. I love you. You say sorry.

Cassie

[Realising he's talking about Effy's friend, Jake] I didn't fuck him, Sid. His mum had sewn his name into his trousers, and, well, he got a bit excited. And he squashed my slug. My slug called Sidley. So I threw him out.

Chris

[Chris walks in] Look, if he's still bothering you, Cass,- [seeing them kiss] Oh... okay. Smokin'!

Sid

Is effy in?

Tony

(Tony lets Sid in. closes door) upstairs.

Sid

Ta

Tony

You gonna nail my sister? is that it? first my girlfriend, then my sister?

No, I...(thinks) No!

Tony

All right. Just asking.

Sid

Nah, I'll wait till she's 16. Keep it legal, yeah? (walks away)

Cassie

Okay. What do you have to say to me?

Sid

Erm... I'm sorry I'm such a tit?

Cassie

[smiles] No.

Sid

My life never made any sense to me until I met you?

Cassie

No.

Sid

Um... I never really loved Michelle, and it was a terrible mistake. And I must have misheard her when she said that I was the best lay ever, and she really really wasn't that great in bed?

Cassie

[slightly disturbed] No.

Sid

[what she wants dawns on him] Good luck in your exam.