Maxxie Oliver quotes from Skins

Maxxie

I got off with Tony on the Russia trip. I only did it 'cause I fell out with Anwar when he said he hated gays. So I got upset and Tony said he'd give me head to cheer me up, you know? And it didn't mean anything but I lost my head, then he gave me head, then we got deported from Russia and I'm really, really sorry for being a slut, okay?

Maxxie

Where are you going?

Chris

To find that party.

Maxxie

Nah!

Chris

Look, it's posh kids! All the boys are gay!

Maxxie

Yea?

Anwar

Are the girls gay, too?

Chris

Look... everyone's gay!

For Christ's sake! Stop Looking at them!

Maxxie

Oh, sorry Jal. Well, they're out aren't they?

[to Maxxie] You're gay!

Maxxie

[enchanted] Yeah... [snaps back to normal] I mean, yeah. Of course.

[to Anwar] You're supposed to respect womens' bodies, Muslim boy!

Anwar

I'm respecting. Believe me, I'm respecting.

Chris

Everything you could ever want from an evening. Songs, choir girls, colourful costumes, fellatio... rabbits.

Maxxie

Rabbits?

Chris

Don't ask.

Maxxie

Anwar's decided to become a Muslim.

Sid

What, like more Muslim than he was already?

Maxxie

A bit more Muslim, yeah.

Tony

What happened?

Maxxie

Well, he’s just like, switched about me being, you know-

Tony

Blond?

Maxxie

No.

Tony

Short?

Maxxie

Gay!

Tony

[pause] Shall I give you head?

Maxxie

What?

Tony

[grins] Cheer you up.

Maxxie

For fuck's sake! You're supposed to be my friend Tony and I come in here with a problem, okay?

Maxxie

You fuck...

Tony

We're in Russia! I wanna try something new.

Maxxie

I'm... not a hobby Tony. You're not taking up canoeing here.

Tony

I've been canoeing.

Maxxie

What about Michelle?

Tony

Loves canoeing.

Maxxie

Anwar's a fucking liar! Lies to his mum all the fucking time! No, no, no, fuck that. He makes me lie for him.

Who is Anwar?

Maxxie

... a friend.

Who is homo?

Maxxie

Me! Anwar hates me 'cause I'm a fucking homo!

Anwar hate homo?

Maxxie

Yeah.

Anwar is friend?

Maxxie

Yeah.

So, Anwar is problem! No, Maxxie... Valentina help Maxxie?

Maxxie

Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Maxxie help Valentina?

What is problem?

Maxxie

You won't understand. I mean you can't even speak English.

No problem. Vodka.

Tony

'Chelle, you all right?

Michelle

[punches Tony in the face] You dirty little fucker, I never want to see your tiny twatty cock ever again.

Tony

What's up, Nips?

Michelle

[kicks Tony in the groin] I was waiting for you to tell me. [crying] Time's up, you wanker! [walks away]

[to Tony] Jesus, what have you done this time? [to Sid] Sid?

Sid

I don't know!

For Christ's sake!

I must say, she's a fiery one.

Maxxie

Tone, shouldn't you, you know, go after her?

Tony

...She'll come back.

Maxxie

I'm gay, Mr. Kharrel. I always have been.

It's a fucking stupid messed up world. I've got my God. He speaks to me everyday. Somethings I just can't work out so I leave them be, okay? Even if I think they're wrong, because I know someday he'll make me understand. I've got that trust. It's called belief. I'm a lucky man.

Sent them the other way.

Maxxie

Fucking cake. I should've knew it when I saw the hundreds and thousands.

Lemon Drizzle. It's a piece of piss.

Maxxie

Dale, you can't just treat me like shit and then just... just... nah, fuck it.

Maxxie

I'm never going to be a builder, Dad.

You'll understand this one day kid, you're everything I've got to show for my life and I'm not ready for you to go cause I fucking love you too much. I'm an idiot, I know.

Maxxie

I love you too, Dad.

Maxxie

[walking over to Sketch] Michelle! Is Chelle OK?

Sketch

I just gave her some mild stuff to make her vomit. From the look of her waist, I'm sure she's thrown up worse.

Maxxie

[angered] Who the fuck are you?

Sketch

Do you believe in magic Maxxie? When we kiss--

Maxxie

[angered and raising his voice] I'm gay! Do you understand that?

Sketch

Look at me! I'm as close to a boy as you can get! You could love me. We could love each other.

Maxxie

[in disbelief] You're fucking crazy!

Maxxie

[whispering] Nothing. I felt nothing. You disgust me. [Sketch has a breakdown]

Sketch

No! That's not how it goes! It's not! It's not!

Maxxie

You think you can fuck my life up and I'll start fancying you? Look at yourself. Stay out of my life.

Sid

[getting up] Anyways, we should get the tents up. [helps Michelle up] Gimme a hand getting them off the...

Sid

...Roof?

Chris

Look, it's not my fault!

I told you to tie the tents to the roof!

Chris

No, no, no, you said to put the stuff on the roof! Nobody said anything about tying!

Maxxie

You meader, Chris!

Sid

[As Anwar pushes Chris] What did you think was holding them up there, you muppet?!

Michelle

Where the fuck are we gonna sleep!?

Chris

I'm sorry! [pause] Fuck it, I'm inadequate. What can you do?

This! [reaches out and crushes his testicles]

Sid

Oh, that's gotta hurt.