JJ Jones quotes from Skins

  Now let's get down to it. No more evasion. No more "Oooh, I'm so fit and mysterious". Now Freddie: he's in love with you, aren't you Freddie? Aren't you Freddie? [Freddie nods] Cook: he loves you, yes? [Cook looks down] And just for the record, I love you too. And I won the race. So: three boys, one girl. It's an insoluble equation, unless you choose and we can finally get back to our lives.

You know, love's thoroughly overrated, Panda. I've never even had a girlfriend, look how happy I am... in between minor psychological breakdowns. Sure, all the serotonin, and endorphins, and sex, et cetera, feel good, but really, love? An illusion. It can't last Nope.

  We've gotta stand up, say our names and a unique fact about ourselves. Right, I'll start. Christ. Uh, I'm Kieran and I hate being a fucking teacher. You.

  I'm JJ. With regard to mathematic aptitude I'm in the top 0.3% of the population which is an interesting demographic statistic because paradoxically my communication interpersonal and intuitive skills are towards the lower quartiles.

  Yeah, you've stopped me in my fucking tracks there. Yeah, you.

  I'm Katie. I've never not had a boyfriend since I was seven.

  Congratulations. You.

Emily

  I'm Emily. Never had a boyfriend.

  Shit happens. You.

Naomi

  I'm Naomi. I hate injustice. People tell lies about me.

Effy

  I'm Effy and I think my mum's having an affair.

  Good one. Shows enterprise. What about you, big man?

Freddie

  I'm Freddie. I met a girl I liked today. She's like beautiful. That's it.

Cook! This is a fantasy and I have to tell you, a poorly constructed one. Just because I have a natural facility on a climbing wall--

Get in there! Come on, we need to see them doing it.

[protestingly] For the last time, they are not going to be doing it. They will not be naked and they will not be engaged in mutual masturbation.

Naomi

Come on Eff, pyjamas.

Effy

[reluctantly] Whatever.

[anxiously] I can't hang on. I'm going to slip. [scared] COOK! COOK! COOK! COOK!

Naomi

So what do you want Ems? Pinot Grigio or... cider oblivion?

Emily

Anything, just give me a fucking... just give me a...

Naomi

Oh. It's only the drugs, right?

Emily

You liked that. [Naomi nods]

Naomi

You're gay.

Emily

Yes.

Oh my giddy, giddy, giddy... aunt.

You coming, Eff? You soon will be.

Effy

I'd sooner fuck JJ.

I know that isn't intended as a compliment, but...I'm going to take it as one anyway.

You didn't get it. I said, "Are you coming, Eff? You soon will be."

Effy

I got it. Freddie and JJ got it. That termite over there got it. But you're not going to get it. Got it?

Now I'm confused.

Effy

I'm not going anywhere near your Crayola dick. I know where it's been.

Bad luck, Karen. In the competition, like. But you know, what goes around, comes around. How much did you lose by again? 15 votes? Well, that's funny. 'Cos... That's about how many people were in Keith's pub tonight.

Freddie

[catching his drift] You voted against her?

[smugly] Not just me. Everyone in there. JJ even.

Cook, don't...

Karen

[indignant] You fucking did what!?

You took my shed, I took your competition. Fair's fair.

Karen

You little shit, you ugly little bastard!!! [attacks him]

Effy

  Come on, JJ. Don't be pathetic, it's easy. Just tell me something true. Tell me. Tell me now.

  I love you.

Effy

  [smiling] Well everybody loves me.

  That's a relief.

Just care, okay?

About what?

[losing his temper] About me! About me, you twat! You're all fucking twats!

Effy

JJ!? What-the-fuck!? What the fuck!?

[gabbling] Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Effy

Give me my t-shirt, fucking hopeless perv.

[fumbling for her t-shirt] I'm sorry, I...I... The door was open. I...

Effy

JJ!

I...I... I got worried.

Effy

[taking her shirt and slipping it on] About what?

I... I dunno, I mean, I thought I might've... I dunno, okay. [angrily] I was pissed at the two of you.

Effy

Two of who?

I heard what you were saying! I want you to stop doing that -

Effy

[enquiringly] JJ? What the fuck?

You and Cook.

Effy

[confused] I haven't seen him for days.

Yeah? Well don't... Don't diss me while you're having sexual intercourse, because... Because you might think it's funny, but I... [realising what she said] Sorry!? [In horror, as he realises Cook was having sex with someone else] Uh oh. [Effy approaches] Uh oh!

Effy

JJ, are you gonna give me some fucked up hint what you're talking about?

I... I... I usually drink mango juice when I get overstressed!

Karen

Now, does everybody know each other?

Freddie

Ah, that's just great. Thanks a lot, Karen.

Emily

For Christ's sake, Katie, what're you doing?

[Sarcastically] I'm doing the Great fucking Northern Run! What does it look like I'm doing!?

Freddie

Guys, could we please just—

Emily

Katie, why didn't you tell me?

Oh, I'm sorry, maybe my postal application hasn't reached you yet. Now, do you mind? We're sort of in the middle of something.

[stammering] Oh, but that's not right! You want Eff, and she's not—

[interrupting] It's a free country, JJ. Hey, maybe my weirdo sister's up for it.

No, that's ridiculous, Emily's gay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Freds, but we can do this another time...

Uh oh...

[Aghast] That's not true! Is it, Ems? Because you promised me that wasn't true. [Emily leaves on the verge of tears]

Top pills, man. I knew you'd come for me, Three Musketeers.

Freddie

[to Cook] Yeah. Fuck off, Cook.

Freddie, she loves you, you know.

Freddie

[Aghast] What?

She loves you. But she can't stand it. Can't stand the love, so she fucks me instead.

Freddie

What's he saying?

[Anxious and stammering] Oh my god... What?

Freddie

[sternly] What?

[Anxious and stammering] Shit! I think you're gonna get the truth, Freds.

Freddie

[sternly] Cook?

I'm pissed off, yeah? She's taking the piss and it's hurting me. Cos Cook needs the love too. Cookie's got nothing.

Thomas

[Concerned] Everything all right, guys?

Cookie's always got nothing. That's why I do her pal. That's why I pop Panda. Panda's popped. It's always the same, great tits Panda, great tits Effy. That's all I get cos I'm shit. I'm pure shit.

Freddie

[to Thomas] Whoa! Thomas! [Freddie restrains Thomas] Back off! No, okay, mate? No!

Thomas

[Calmly] He does not deserve friends.

[in a state of stupor] Yeah.

Thomas

[Angrily] He's a cunt!

Thomas

[Angrily] Move! Move!

Freddie

[to JJ] You've had a busy day, haven't you, J?

[Apologetic] I'm sorry. I got locked on. [emotionally] You all pissed me off! [Enquiringly] Does this mean I can't come to the shed anymore?

Freddie

[to JJ] Course not, you can still come to the shed. [Freddie hugs JJ] Just give me some space, okay? I need time to think.

Are you Effy's friend?

  I think so. Are you her mum?

Anthea

[nods] Can I sit? [sits down] JJ, right? The magician?

  Oh, I used to do magic. Not anymore though.

Anthea

I used to be married, not anymore though.

  Pick a card, any card.

Anthea

I thought you gave up.

  Some things are quite hard to let go of.

Anthea

Effy likes magic.

  Are you sure?

Anthea

Well yeah, not the, you know, stupid abracadabra sort... I... I'm so sorry.

  It's okay. I've come to terms with the facts.

Anthea

You know, she was four years old the first time she beat me at hide and seek. Four. I was looking for her for hours. When I finally found her she just smiled. You know, that Effy smile that means "you don't know me at all, you never will". See that's a kind of magic. She's so good at concealing things, hiding, avoiding.

  Yeah.

Anthea

I do know her. And I know that she has got so much love in her heart. But the thought of letting it out, showing her cards, scares her to death. I never knew it would be possible to miss someone this much.