Freddie McClair quotes from Skins

Freddie

  [to Effy, Cook and JJ] So... what do we do now? [Closing line]

  We've gotta stand up, say our names and a unique fact about ourselves. Right, I'll start. Christ. Uh, I'm Kieran and I hate being a fucking teacher. You.

  I'm JJ. With regard to mathematic aptitude I'm in the top 0.3% of the population which is an interesting demographic statistic because paradoxically my communication interpersonal and intuitive skills are towards the lower quartiles.

  Yeah, you've stopped me in my fucking tracks there. Yeah, you.

  I'm Katie. I've never not had a boyfriend since I was seven.

  Congratulations. You.

Emily

  I'm Emily. Never had a boyfriend.

  Shit happens. You.

Naomi

  I'm Naomi. I hate injustice. People tell lies about me.

Effy

  I'm Effy and I think my mum's having an affair.

  Good one. Shows enterprise. What about you, big man?

Freddie

  I'm Freddie. I met a girl I liked today. She's like beautiful. That's it.

Effy

  I wanted to see what was in your shed.

Freddie

  My...?

Effy

  Shed. Everyone says you have a marvellous shed.

Freddie

  Everyone?

Effy

  Yeah, it's marvelled at.

Freddie

  So this is it.

Effy

  So what do you and the boys do in here? Braid each others hair and play soggy biscuit?

Freddie

  No. [beat] Not for ages.

Bad luck, Karen. In the competition, like. But you know, what goes around, comes around. How much did you lose by again? 15 votes? Well, that's funny. 'Cos... That's about how many people were in Keith's pub tonight.

Freddie

[catching his drift] You voted against her?

[smugly] Not just me. Everyone in there. JJ even.

Cook, don't...

Karen

[indignant] You fucking did what!?

You took my shed, I took your competition. Fair's fair.

Karen

You little shit, you ugly little bastard!!! [attacks him]

Freddie

  We'd be good together. Don't you think?

Effy

  No.

Freddie

  Why?

Effy

  Because I'll break your heart.

Freddie

  Maybe I'll break yours.

Effy

  Nobody breaks my heart. And anyway, why would I want that?

Karen

Now, does everybody know each other?

Freddie

Ah, that's just great. Thanks a lot, Karen.

Emily

For Christ's sake, Katie, what're you doing?

[Sarcastically] I'm doing the Great fucking Northern Run! What does it look like I'm doing!?

Freddie

Guys, could we please just—

Emily

Katie, why didn't you tell me?

Oh, I'm sorry, maybe my postal application hasn't reached you yet. Now, do you mind? We're sort of in the middle of something.

[stammering] Oh, but that's not right! You want Eff, and she's not—

[interrupting] It's a free country, JJ. Hey, maybe my weirdo sister's up for it.

No, that's ridiculous, Emily's gay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Freds, but we can do this another time...

Uh oh...

[Aghast] That's not true! Is it, Ems? Because you promised me that wasn't true. [Emily leaves on the verge of tears]

Top pills, man. I knew you'd come for me, Three Musketeers.

Freddie

[to Cook] Yeah. Fuck off, Cook.

Freddie, she loves you, you know.

Freddie

[Aghast] What?

She loves you. But she can't stand it. Can't stand the love, so she fucks me instead.

Freddie

What's he saying?

[Anxious and stammering] Oh my god... What?

Freddie

[sternly] What?

[Anxious and stammering] Shit! I think you're gonna get the truth, Freds.

Freddie

[sternly] Cook?

I'm pissed off, yeah? She's taking the piss and it's hurting me. Cos Cook needs the love too. Cookie's got nothing.

Thomas

[Concerned] Everything all right, guys?

Cookie's always got nothing. That's why I do her pal. That's why I pop Panda. Panda's popped. It's always the same, great tits Panda, great tits Effy. That's all I get cos I'm shit. I'm pure shit.

Freddie

[to Thomas] Whoa! Thomas! [Freddie restrains Thomas] Back off! No, okay, mate? No!

Thomas

[Calmly] He does not deserve friends.

[in a state of stupor] Yeah.

Thomas

[Angrily] He's a cunt!

Thomas

[Angrily] Move! Move!

Freddie

[to JJ] You've had a busy day, haven't you, J?

[Apologetic] I'm sorry. I got locked on. [emotionally] You all pissed me off! [Enquiringly] Does this mean I can't come to the shed anymore?

Freddie

[to JJ] Course not, you can still come to the shed. [Freddie hugs JJ] Just give me some space, okay? I need time to think.

Freddie

  What is your fucking problem?

  [to Freddie] What do you want, my fucking blood? Cos' you've fucking taken everything else! You've taken fucking JJ, and now you're nicking her as well! [Freddie looks confused] She hasn't told you has she? Fuck me! I'm so glad I didn't miss this!

  What's going on?

  Effy doesn't want me anymore, do you princess?

Effy

  No.

  [Irritated] You fucking dick! You've lost my dad's boat, Effy... I've got fսck all now, you...

  This is the Wuxi finger hold. I learnt it in a book of a film.

Freddie

  J, let's just leave it now...

  I'm pretty sure if I apply the correct pressure, your eyes pop out.

Freddie

  [in disbelief] J, my eyes aren't going to pop out.

  Do you really want to take that chance?

Freddie

  It's all your fault, you made this happen. You made it all a game first, remember that stupid fucking list?

Effy

  I know.

Freddie

  "You know?" What sort of fucking answer's that?

Effy

  The only one I've got.

Thomas

What are you doing, Cook?

[irritated] What is this? The dump police?

Thomas

[approaching Cook] I'm thinking somebody gave that girl drugs.

[to Thomas] Yep. So?

Thomas

[to Cook] It was you. I'll tell them.

Thomas

[annoyed and irritated] Yeah? Fuck you, Thomas. Tell them what you want, mate. Never met the girl.

Thomas

[enquiringly] How's your girlfriend, Cook?

[to Thomas] I don't have a girlfriend, Thomas. How's yours? Still got that dirty little walt on her ass?

[to Thomas, while fighting] Come on then Thomas, come on at me! Fucking never finished have we?

Freddie

Cook!

Freddie

[to Cook] Cops called your name, mate.

Effy

How was your summer?

Freddie

Not bad. Got chlamydia.

Effy

Wow! Exotic!

Freddie

That's what I said. But then I realised Cook had it as well, and it didn't feel quite so special.

Effy

I bet it liked you more.

Freddie

You coming down?

Effy

I'm up. Way up. This is me happy.

What would Michael say?

Freddie

Pardon?

[motions to his Michael Jackson poster] Michael. What would he say?

Freddie

I'm... bad?

Yes. And what else?

Freddie

Beat it?

No. He'd say "gotta be startin' somethin'". Okay? [silence] Don't you think you should be leaving?

Freddie

Right now? [Mr. Love responds in the affirmative; Freddie leaves.]