[At the Fitches' house. Katie is taking a shower. Her identical twin sister, Katie, bangs on the bathroom door]
Get the fuck out of there, bitch! Mum! Mum!
It's me! Emily. Tell her to get out of the shower, she's making me late for college.
[Katie gets out of the shower]
JJenna
Gotta dash! Remember to pack lunch for James!
No! Why don't you get Katie to...?
JJenna
Good luck at college! Remember to smile. [Leaves]
[Emily gets in the shower, but there is no hot water]
You've used all the fucking water! Jesus. Shit.
[Emily gets out and catches her younger brother James spying through the keyhole]
Oh, fuck's sake! [kicks James] Pervy little bastard!
She's gone to work, loser. [to Katie] How many times are you going to do that? I need to wash my hair and you...
KKatie
I knew this top would look fucking bad-arse.
KKatie
Yeah. Aren't you glad I made you buy it? Get dressed though. We're going to be late. [continues getting dressed] I don't know where you got this thong, but it's properly cutting me in half.
You could always give it back.
KKatie
Sorry. You know it doesn't look as good on you.
[In the corridor at Roundview college]
KKatie
Oh no, here it comes. Total lezzer bitch.
KKatie
[to Effy] Yeah, like, don't talk to her. She tried to snog my sister at middle school. Pervy, don't you think, Eff?
[from behind] Watch out, Katie. I might get confused and fuck you with my great big strap-on by mistake. [enters classroom]
KKatie
Muff-munching bitch. [to Emily] Just jumped on you, didn't she?
[The new characters introduce themselves]
KKieran
We've gotta stand up, say our names and a unique fact about ourselves. Right, I'll start. Christ. Uh, I'm Kieran and I hate being a fucking teacher. You.
I'm JJ. With regard to mathematic aptitude I'm in the top 0.3% of the population which is an interesting demographic statistic because paradoxically my communication interpersonal and intuitive skills are towards the lower quartiles.
KKieran
Yeah, you've stopped me in my fucking tracks there. Yeah, you.
KKatie
I'm Katie. I've never not had a boyfriend since I was seven.
KKieran
Congratulations. You.
I'm Emily. Never had a boyfriend.
KKieran
Shit happens. You.
I'm Naomi. I hate injustice. People tell lies about me.
I'm Effy and I think my mum's having an affair.
KKieran
Good one. Shows enterprise. What about you, big man?
I'm Freddie. I met a girl I liked today. She's like beautiful. That's it.
[JJ, Karen and Emily have walked on Freddy having sex with Katie]
Now, does everybody know each other?
Ah, that's just great. Thanks a lot, Karen.
For Christ's sake, Katie, what're you doing?
KKatie
[Sarcastically] I'm doing the Great fucking Northern Run! What does it look like I'm doing!?
Guys, could we please just—
Katie, why didn't you tell me?
KKatie
Oh, I'm sorry, maybe my postal application hasn't reached you yet. Now, do you mind? We're sort of in the middle of something.
[stammering] Oh, but that's not right! You want Eff, and she's not—
KKatie
[interrupting] It's a free country, JJ. Hey, maybe my weirdo sister's up for it.
No, that's ridiculous, Emily's gay. Anyway, I wanted to talk to you, Freds, but we can do this another time...
[Stops when he notices Katie's stunned reaction and Emily's dismay, and realises he has accidentally outed Emily]
KKatie
[Aghast] That's not true! Is it, Ems? Because you promised me that wasn't true. [Emily leaves on the verge of tears]
What is your fucking problem?
CCook
[to Freddie] What do you want, my fucking blood? Cos' you've fucking taken everything else! You've taken fucking JJ, and now you're nicking her as well! [Freddie looks confused] She hasn't told you has she? Fuck me! I'm so glad I didn't miss this!
CCook
Effy doesn't want me anymore, do you princess?
KKatie
Ruined my fucking top.
I sat your exam for you! You could've at least backed me up!
KKatie
I did back you up! I just spent an hour trying to convince mum you made it all up.
Well, that's fucking great.
KKatie
You just conjured up this thing with Naomi because, I don't know, maybe you're jealous of me.
KKatie
Yeah, jealous, because I get more boys than you, I look better in clothes than you and I'm more popular than you.
KKatie
Yeah, I think so, you can't stand it, sad. So can you please stop now before you hurt anybody?
KKatie
You're not gay, you're just stupid...
Yeah, I'm stupid. I'm stupid because I don't let anyone fuck me when they're in love with somebody else.
You let Freddie use you and look where it's got you. That's a normal relationship, isn't it? She fucked you up good, didn't she? Nobody hits me over the head with a rock! Loser!
[Katie goes to bed in silence]
Katie? Katie, look at me. It's still Emily.
KKatie
How, how did something like that just happen?
He wanted a rumble and so did I.
KKatie
That's not a rumble! That's insanity spelled G-E-E-K! You're such a secretive little cow!
What the fuck?! Can't I sleep with someone now?
KKatie
That's not someone, he's a mong.
Right, well, I felt like having sex with him. I don't have to ask you!
KKatie
You have to ask me! Katie say-go! Katie say-go! [You have to ask Katie!] Not gay; stupid!
Katie, I can't stand this. I'm a person. I'm not you.
You have to understand Katie, I love you and I'll never really leave you but I can't fix this. I like girls. No, I like a girl. No, I love her. Okay? I love... her. [points at Naomi] Okay? [Naomi holds her hand out to Emily]
[Emily takes Naomi's hand and they leave the dance]
[Outside]
Yeah. [pause] I love you too.
Elliot Evans' parents got divorced, and his dad spent every night in KFC. Then he met this woman, she had a huge problem. So he tried to help her, and her friend got really angry, and he ended up with only one kneecap. And now, his mum's doing pornos, and his dad's a junkie, and he never sees them! Except on the internet, and then he has to pay for it. I mean, how unfair is that!?
[Emily's kissing another girl in front of Naomi]
What the fuck are you doing, Emily? Emily, fucking stop this shit now!
[Emily pushes Naomi in the pool]
Naomi darling, am I making you nice and wet?
Fuck you! [Gets up from the pool] This is a fucking pantomime!
[Emily gets up and pushes Naomi]
What? Want to fuck her? Is that it?
JJenna
That's enough! What's this all about?
It's none of your business.
I fucked the dead girl. I fucked Sophia and gave her the drugs, and now she's punishing me for it.
JJenna
I knew you'd screw her up!
RRob
Hey! Good news everyone! I found us a caravan. What have I missed?
Why don't you all just fuck off? Look at you. Pretending to be happy families, pretending to love each other.
JJenna
Don't you dare speak to me like that!
JJenna
I can't... I can't be here any more.
Bit melodramatic. Remind you of anyone?
[Katie slaps Emily]
[Emily is crying]
[Katie is bathing, when Thomas comes in to relieve himself, locking the door]
Merde! Sorry! [goes to unlock the door, but breaks the lock handle] Ah! Super merde! JJ! Emily! [knocks] JJ! I think they've all gone out.
KKatie
Bollocks. You gonna stand there until they get back?
Yes, yes, I'll get you a towel and... [sees the towel rack is empty] Putain!
[Katie trips Candy from behind; Candy gets up, pushes Katie]
CCandy
Who the fuck do you think you are?
[Katie punches Candy in the nose; Candy falls to the ground again]
KKatie
I'm Katie fucking Fitch! Who the fuck are you?
Skins · 249 quotes
