[Ian walks into the kitchen]
He's totally Monica
Without the great ass
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Fiona, in my younger days, I slept with every member of the Guns 'N' Roses cover band Buns 'N' Hoses.
And that would matter to me why?
Because they all had wives they left back at home. I am telling you, the 1,000-mile rule-- that's real.
Hey, Kermit. You ever bartend before?
At my niece's wake. It was a sad, sad day.
Oh, I'm so sorry. Hey, bartend for me for a little bit and wait for V, and then you get to drink for free all week. I always wanted to go to college.
What's it feel like to be crazy?
Um, like I'm under a wet blanket and cotton mouth.
They give you shock therapy?
No.
Could be me next, you know. You ever think about painting yourself and running around naked? I think about that. Or flying? I dream about that. That doesn't make you crazy, you know. What about pushing someone on the tracks when the train's coming? - You ever thought about that?
No.
I heard about some guy that thought he had x-ray vision and could see girls' titties through their clothes. Maybe it's not that bad. You ever been to Michigan?
Put the drugs on Chuckie. Just strap him up.
Why?
Because you're 14, you look like a criminal, the cops can spot you a mile off, while Chuckie-- they take one look at that mongoloid, and all they want to do is look away. Here. Buy him a bus ticket. Yeah? And give your old man a taste for the effort.
I don't give a shit about Chuckie, but I'm pretty sure G-Dogg's gonna kill me.
No, he won't. There's nothing to be gained by killing a perfectly good corner boy. And it's not your fault that they came with drug dogs. That's the luck of the draw. G-Dogg will understand that.
You really think so?
I'm almost certain.
I'm fucked. What should I do about Sammi? Should I run away?
No, it makes you look guilty. Stay here, stay cool, let the storm pass.
[Mickey is playing an electric guitar in his bedroom wearing nothing, facing the doorway and has a severe bruise on his right side face]
What happened to your face?
Nothing.What the fuck do you want?
Can you help me get these drugs?
Iggy! Iggy! Can you get that shit? [Throws bag of empty prescription bottles to Iggy]
IIggy
Who the fuck gets high on lithium?
No one.
IIggy
So? So I can't get 'em. I can get you crack, crystal, horse, E. But this shit, no. There's no market for it.
I'll take some fucking crack.
IIggy
You got money?
[Mickey is silent and motionless. Iggy walks away.]
When are you gonna come by to see Ian? He's been home all day. Maybe if you were there-- [Mickey Belches] Did you guys break up or something? Because I'm pretty sure he didn't mean to kidnap your baby.
I'm fucking busy, Peppermint Patty. Go whine at someone who gives a shit. [Debbie walks over to sound system and turns it off]
Frank used to drink like this. When Monica was around and they would fight, he would angry drink. It never worked. He always came back to her. You can't drink him away, Mickey. It won't work.
[Veronica is hiding behind a poster at an upscale restaurant watching a man before mustering up the courage]
Veronica Fisher.
Hey.
You look fine, girl.
Thank you, Eddie.
[Both chuckle]
You look, yeah. Mmm, damn, princess, how long has it been? Long time. Those lips feel like yesterday. Should we sit, or should we find someplace more private?
I'm sorry, Eddie. But you look, yeah. But I'm married. And I have twins-- Amy and Gemma.
Oh, I remember them well.
[Eddie kisses both Veronica's breasts]
Hello, Amy... and Gemma.
That's not what I-- What? Ew! Shit.
[Veronica walks away]
PPolice
Put your hands in the air now!
All right, don't shoot. I'm white.
Looks like a tough night for the new liver. [Slides shot glass to a rat on the floor]
[Burly police detective walks into interrogation room with Carl and two dozen bags of heroin on table]
I want a fucking lawyer motherfucker!
[Carl is walked into a cell next to Chuckie's]
Hey, Uncle Carl.I didn't know we were going to be neighbors. Will you tell me a story?
I'm heavily sedated, and even I know what happened last week on Shameless. The hell have you been?
Know how groupies make sure their rock stars don't get lonely? All holes, Fiona. All holes.
Spare me, Sammi.Your kid did not get arrested because of me.
'Cause of your thug brother. In one fell swoop, you Gallaghers managed to ruin his whole future.
Let's be honest. Chuckie was not exactly destined for great things. Pack your shit and get out.
I hope they throw the book at Carl. I hope the other kids in juvie toss his salad. Or make him toss theirs, whichever's worse.
[Ian is charging back and forth through the house with a baseball bat believing MPs are coming for him]
Somebody muzzle that kid.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Shameless pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.