Scenes with George Costanza 148
Oh, come on, just tell me your code already. What is it?
George I am not giving you my code.
George Yeah, right.
Oh, alright. Let's see... Well, we can throw out birthdays immediately. That's too obvious. And no numbers for you, you're a word man. Alright, let's go deeper. What kind of man are you? Well, you're weak, spineless, a man of temptations, but what tempts you?
George Huh?
You're a portly fellow, a bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No, no, no, no, yours is a sweet tooth.
George [getting nervous] Get out of here.
Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master: the cocoa bean.
George [gets up] I'm leaving.
No, and only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you!
George I gotta go.
[chasing after George] If you could, you'd guzzle it by the gallon! Ovaltine! Hershey's!
George Shut up!
George Shut up!
George Too good?
I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.
George I see what you mean.
I admire the hell out of her. You can't have sex with someone you admire.
What is this thing, anyway?
R Mrs. Ross
It's Cornish game hen.
What is that? Like a little chicken?
George It's, uh, it's not a little chicken. [laughs] "Little chicken." It's a game bird.
George Yeah.
What do you mean? Like, you hunt it?
How hard could it be to kill this thing?
Let me understand. You got the hen, the chicken and the rooster. The rooster goes with the chicken. So, who's having sex with the hen?
George Why don't we talk about it another time?
But you see my point here? You only hear of a hen, a rooster and a chicken. Something's missing!
R Mrs. Ross
Something's missing all right.
R Mr. Ross
They're all chickens. The rooster has sex with all of them.
George All right, I tell you what. You look like nice people. I'm gonna help you out. You want a beautiful name? Soda.
George Soda. S-O-D-A. Soda.
C Carrie
I don't know, it sounds a little strange.
George All names sound strange the first time you hear 'em. What, you telling me people loved the name Blanche the first time they heard it?
George Susan has this doll collection, and one of the dolls looks exactly like my mother. She likes to sleep with it.
Wow. You were in bed with your mother last night?
George Felt like it. I tell you, this doll is pretty spooky. It's freakin' me out, man.
[After George pretends to be an addicted smoker to make Susan cancel the wedding]
George [coughs] I've always smoked.
I've never seen you smoke.
George Oh, yeah? Well, I quit smokin.' I [coughs] gave it up for a w- [cough] while, but it was too tough. Y' know, [cough] I haven't got the will power.
I don't like this one bit.
George Well[coughs] I can't stop now [coughs] I'm addicted... [coughing, wretching] they got a hold of me.
Well, you are gonna have to quit.
George Oh, God! [runs to the bathroom]
George I put a lot of thought into this, and I think I would like you to sign a prenuptial agreement.
George Yeah. [Susan laughs] What's so funny?
Hahahaha... You don't have any money. I make more money than you do. Haha. Yeah, give me the papers. I'll sign 'em.
George What were you saying to the Rosses over there anyway?
Oh man, I don't know. I told them her death takes place in the shadow of new life. She's not really dead if we find a way to remember her.
George What is that?
George Wrath of Khan!
Yeah, Kramer and I saw it last night. Spock dies, they wrap it up in a towel and they shoot him out the bowels of the ship in that big sun glasses case.
George [somber] It was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
[George and Jerry are sitting in a booth at Monk’s the day after the party Elaine held that George attended]
George So, this, uh, Anna, calls me from out of the blue.
Really? I thought you were re-buffed.
George With extreme prejudice.
Maybe Elaine put in a good word for you.
George No, see, that’s just the thing- Anna told me that Elaine said I was one of the worst seeds she’d ever seen.
Interesting. She doesn’t care for you, then a stern warning, suddenly a phone call. Seems Elaine’s made you the “bad boy”. And Anna digs the bad boy.
George I‘m “the bad boy”. I’ve never been the bad boy.
You’ve been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend…
George Yeah. Yes. Yes…
The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk…
George Ok, the point is made!
The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen… [George leaves some change on the table as he leaves] The bad tipper!
I'm sitting at home, reading a periodical, and this is the call I get? My son is a bootlegger? [He hits George in the head]
George Ow! Dad...
Who put you up to this, was it her?
All right. Wait a minute. I think you've got it backwards.
My George isn't clever enough to hatch a scheme like this.
What the hell does that mean?
It means whatever the hell you want it to mean.
You sayin' you want a piece of me?
I'd drop you like a bag of dirt.
You want a piece of me?! YOU GOT IT!!!
George [about Elaine's boyfriend] He's giving you furniture? Who is this guy?
Who are any of her losers?
George You're on that list.
George Hitting is not about muscle. It's simple physics. Calculate the velocity, V, in relation to the trajectory, T, in which G, gravity, of course, remains a constant. [hits a home run] It's not complicated.
DJ Derek Jeter
Now, who are you again?
George George Costanza. Assistant to the Traveling Secretary.
[hits another home run]
BW Bernie Williams
Are you the guy who put us in that Ramada in Milwaukee?
George Do you want to talk about hotels or do you want to win some ball games?
DJ Derek Jeter
Hey, we won the World Series.
George [derisively] In six games. [hits another home run]
Hey Jerry, is it all right if I put some stuff in your fridge? 'Cause mine's full.
Yeah, sure. You don't even have a fridge, do you?
Well, not here. [Goes into the hallway, comes back in with a huge bag]
Kramer, wait a minute, what the hell is that?
Well, it's chicken feed. [stuffs the bag into the fridge]
I sense something is afoot.
Yeah, I bought a chicken.
George Allow me. Why?
Cage-free, farm-fresh eggs.
Allow me. What are you, an idiot?
So he just shaves his head for no reason?
George That's like using a wheelchair for the fun of it!
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Seinfeld · 352 quotes
George
