Jerry Lawler quotes from Royal Rumble

Now you tell the Rock, after the most electrifying move in sports entertainment today, you quit!

Go to Hell, Rock!

Well, The Rock may go to Hell, but your candy ass first!

Say you quit!

You'll have to kill me.

Now The Rock guaran-damn-teed to the millions...[smells at the crowd] and millions of The Rock's fans, that he was gonna make that son-of-a-bitch scream, "I Quit!" [walks over Mankind] Mankind, your monkey ass says "I quit!" [shoves the microphone to an unconscious Mankind; audio from Sunday Night Heat of Mankind yelling "I quit! I quit! I QUIT!" is heard]

[over the recording] What?

What?

[referee Earl Hebner calls for the bell] He-he... He... He said it!

[to Hebner] Now, you get your monkey ass in the ring, and award the WWF Champ!

The Rock is the champion! We have a new champion! The Rock makes me sick!

[over Cole speaking] The winner of this bout, and NEW World Wrestling Federation champion: The Rock!

All right, I don't know if I agree with the way he did it, but he is once again the Corporate Champion!

Only one other man in the history of the Royal Rumble has gone from #1 to win it all—Stone Cold is gonna try to become #2. There is only one Stone Cold Steve Austin.

Well that's true, but let me just tell you this. You like to talk about history, I venture to say there is only one WWF Superstar that is gonna be in this very ring tonight that has never ever lost a match in his life.

And who is that?

That is Mr. McMahon.

Oh, please, he's never had one.

He's never lost a match in his life! Shut up!

[on entry #6: Gillberg] It's the man called Gillberg.

He could win this whole thing.

King, you're not serious.

Well, maybe not.

Gillberg is 0-2. Who will be #1? Who will be his first victim? He's spending more time posing in the walkway than he is getting in the ring.

He's got chants.

[as Gillberg screams out at the crowd] Well, Gillberg now in the Royal Rumble match. And Edge...

Ah, Gillberg!

Oh, please. Gillberg is in and out. So I guess we can say that Gillberg is 0-3 now.

Droz and Edge have been in the ring a long time. The longer you're in the ring, the easier it is to toss you out; and the object is to go over the top rope and both feet hit the floor, and Tiger's in danger of having a quick exit.

Wait a minute, the longer you're in the ring, the easier it is to toss you out.

Yeah, the more tired you get.

What about the man called Gillberg?

First off, you picked Steve Blackman to win the Rumble match, he's been eliminated; you also picked Gangrel to win the Rumble match, you still have a chance to make a little money.

Well, I know I picked Blackman. That damn Psychic Network lied to me.

Did they give you the tip on Gangrel as well? And here's Gangrel...

I'll never listen to Dionne Warwick again. She's an idiot.

...who almost won the European Championship match in a great match against X-Pac earlier tonight.

I'm calling LaToya Jackson.

Gangrel on the ropes now. Road Dogg... [Road Dogg launches Gangrel out of the ring, eliminating him] ...sends Gangrel for the ride. Road Dogg is cleaning house! Hey, King. Hey, King. You're 0-2.

Get him, Rock! Get him! [The Rock climbs up to the apron and the two fight] Here he goes. I knew it!

Here we go now! They're getting it on! [Seeing this, Mr. McMahon, with the help of the Rock...] Wait a minute!

Look at this!

[...throws Austin out, winning the Rumble] Wait a minute! NO! NO! Mr. McMahon has won the Royal Rumble!

[Over Cole speaking] The winner of the 1999 Royal Rumble: Mr. McMahon!

I KNEW IT! HAHAHAHAHA!

Mr. McMahon has eliminated the Rattlesnake thanks to the Rock! Mr. McMahon will face the Rock at WrestleMania, and Austin is livid!

[Austin and the Rock fight all the way to the backstage area] Look at this!

And Austin taking out his frustrations on the champion! Austin is beating the hell out of the champion!

But right now, Michael Cole, it doesn't matter! This is, without a doubt, the greatest night in the history of the World Wrestling Federation!

Mr. McMahon has won the Royal Rumble match! I never thought I'd ever hear myself say that! Somebody slap me in the face!

Here!

Is this a dream?

King, he didn't do it by himself; he had plenty of help. He sat here at ringside for most of the damn match!

I don't care how he did it. He won the Royal Rumble!

[as Triple H and Cactus Jack brawl in the audience during their Street Fight] Cactus Jack and Triple H are in a sea of humanity here!

Humanity? But this is New York City, J.R.!

Have you seen Albert's tongue? It's pierced, have you seen that?

I have not looked at his tongue or any other parts of his anatomy that closely, quite frankly.

He told me that piercing didn't hurt, but then he showed me one that did.

Can we see that poor Chinese guy Taka Michinoku get thrown over the top rope again?

He's Japanese!

Funaki's eliminated for about the eighth time tonight.

At least he had a good view there for a second.

Funaki's been eliminated more times than any other Royal Rumble competitor.

Taka had to be taken to a hospital.

Do they have some good Chinese hospitals in New York?

Will you stop that?

My god, what a chokeslam! The Big Show trying to break the Rock into pieces with a chokeslam!

He told this crowd, he's telling the world, "You WILL cheer for me!" He said he has the Rock and he's going to win the Royal Rumble and the people will have to cheer him.

Nobody can go one-on-one, face-to-face, man-to-man, with the Big Show and survive. [Big Show picks Rock up as the crowd chants "Rocky"] The Rock just seconds away from being eliminated here! It's over now, King!

Oh... good-bye Rock. I told you I was picking the Big Show.

The Big Show is toying with the Rock.

He's picking his... picking his sides. [Big Show attempts to throw Rock out] There he goes!

[Suddenly the Rock grasps the top rope. The momentum carries the Big Show out. The Rock holds on to the top rope, winning the Rumble] OH THE BIG SHOW'S OVER!

WHAT?

THE ROCK! THE ROCK HAS WON THE RUMBLE!

WHAT? How did THAT happen? How did the Rock do it?

Here is your winner: the Rock!

How in God's name did THAT happen? It looked like the Big Show is gonna eliminate the Rock!

I knew that the Rock would win! He's done it!

The Rock guaranteed a victory at the Royal Rumble!

He guaran-damn-teed it!

And the Rock has kept his word! He has done what he said he was gonna do!

[on entry #5] I can't believe he actually did it. Drew Carey is actually coming out here.

Drew, don't do it, this is suicide!

One of the biggest stars in all of Hollywood, a man with a couple of weekly television shows, a guy that's gonna have his own pay-per-view on Saturday night.

I'll tell you what. If Drew lives through this, he deserves to have everybody watch his pay-per-view on Saturday night

If I was Drew, I'd just hang around and sign some autographs.

Yeah, pretty good idea; Drew, don't hurry, don't rush anything.

Listen to the crowd chanting for Drew Carey. You never know what's gonna happen in the WWF, and by golly, [ Jeff Hardy clotheslines Matt Hardy over the top onto the apron] you never know what's gonna happen in the Royal Rumble, as Matt Hardy almost got eliminated there.

Come on, ref, get Drew in the ring so I can see how he can handle himself against the Hardys.

[chuckling] You're sadistic.

[as Drew enters the ring] I'd like to see Drew do...try a hurricanrana, Drew! Uh-oh, he's in the ring.

Drew Carey in the ring now.

Dropkick, Drew!

Drew Carey encouraged in this by Mr. McMahon, and I think...

Wait, take your glasses off, you're not a Dudley!

I still think Mr. McMahon, the ol' head of jealousy...[noticing the Hardys fighting in the outside corner] oh my God, look at the Hardys. They just get higher and higher, and the risk factor...[The Hardys fall to the floor, eliminating each other] Matt Hardy eliminated his brother, and Jeff pulled on his shirt that was around his waist...

[on Drew looking over the ropes] Wait, Drew's done it! Do you realize if this was over, Drew would be going to WrestleMania?!

Oh God, I shudder to think that.

Kane is about to become famous. He's gonna be on the news, he's gonna be on the front page of the New York Post!

Drew Carey's asking for assistance. I hope he's got good insurance with the Screen Actors Guild.

I can see it now. Access Hollywood, Entertainment Tonight, the E! Network. Look at Drew, he's calling for the Hardys to come back.

Drew Carey has been left all alone at the Royal Rumble. He's all by himself, and the Big Red Machine is a carnivore!

Yeah, I don't think Drew really understands what he's gotten into here tonight.

The Big Red Machine's a carnivore, and Drew Carey's a big ol' pork chop. Drew's starting to sweat Crisco.

Hey, Drew? What do you think his blood type is? Ragu?