Kathy quotes from Roseanne

So now you're a better mother because you have more children?

Roseanne

Yes! I have three, and you only have one. Three to one, get it! I have three! I win!

Roseanne

Oh, you probably still sneak into Todd's room at night, and check if he's breathing.

Yes!

Roseanne

Amateur!

[after learning that Roseanne bought some of Kathy's stolen property from the robbers under the impression that she was donating to charity] It was a stupid thing, Roseanne. It was the stupidest thing anyone has ever done, and you are the stupidest woman on the face of the earth! [storms away]

Roseanne

Oh yeah?! I paid twenty bucks for that piece of crap and you paid two hundred! THAT'S stupid!

I'm in hell.

Roseanne

Nah, you're just in Lanford. Same zip code, though. Y'know, Lanford's not a bad town. You just gotta go with it more... fit in.

And what does that mean, Roseanne? Am I supposed to wander around town in a tacky house coat and flip-flops with my hair in curlers?

Roseanne

Now you're getting it! Yeah! Absolutely. And then I'll throw us one of these here Tupperware parties and then I'll introduce you to the others.

What are you talking about?

Roseanne

Oh, we all used to be like you, Kathy. Angry, bitter, annoying...but now...we're The Lanford Wives.

Goodbye, Roseanne.

Roseanne

Oh, it's useless to try to resist us, Kathy. We already have Jerry! Jerry's one of us. Jerry joined the Lodge.

You're a sick woman, Roseanne.

Roseanne

Oh, you'll start to love it, I promise, Kathy. Just think about it: Swap meets, bowling leagues, bingo, double coupon days, Casino Night at the slaughterhouse. IT'S YOUR DESTINY.