Chief Reilly quotes from Rescue Me

[about Laura] Franco, you're not messin' around with her are you?

Franco

What're you nuts? She's not even my type.

Franco, she's got two tits, a pussy and she's breathin'.

Franco

Okay, so my taste in women has a wide set of parameters.

Lou

Hey kid, my dreams are all filled up with Candice Bergen, a chocolate wheelchair and the Olsen Twins.

I've had the same dream. Except its Carly Simon and a big tub of chunky peanut butter.

Tommy

Why chunky?

Better traction.

Sean

Hey, maybe I can help.

Yeah, and I can grow a vagina.

Sean

You call up and you tell them what kind of service you want, what kind of hours you need and they send over a bunch of nurses.

I only need one.

Sean

I know, but that's like the fun of it. They send over a bunch and you choose one. It's like American Idol, you know, except it's nurses instead of singers, and you don't get to call up and vote to see who wins, and Paula Abdul's not there acting like a freak show. Actually it's not like American Idol at all.

Well, look at 'ya now huh, just pushin' the pencil, runnin' all over the city makin' sure good guys like my crew here aren't rubbing one off on the city's dime huh?

I'm just doin' what I'm told.

Yeah, and there's a lot of honor in that ain't there, Flinn? (pushes him up against the lockers) Now You can take your little clipboard and go back downtown, back to headquarters and you tell who ever it was that sent you up here that they can kiss my white Irish ass. This is the best group of guys I've ever had the honor of serving with. These guys are gold when it comes to saving people's lives and protecting their property, not to mention the five names on that plaque on that wall out there. Guys that went into those two towers on that day and never came back. So, If within the sacred confines of these four walls, they should wanna look at something else other than that shit, that's fine with me. They wanna smoke, they wanna jerk off, they wanna shove potato chips up their ass, I don't give a shit. As long as they keep gettin' on that rig and goin' out the door and savin' lives, I'll back 'em up.

[looking over towards his guys] What've we got?

There's no porn, sir. No tapes, no magazines.

I'm sorry that it was a wasted trip, now get outta my goddamn quarters.

[to his guys] Let's go.

Make sure down at headquarters you tell 'em Chief Jerry Reilly from the 15th battalion. [After the guys leave, everyone claps] Cut it out, cut it out.

Lou

Nicely done, Chief. Now, lemme ask you a question: Did you really mean what you said about us being able to smoke and jerk off and everything?

Why of course.

Lou

Good, because there's a bag of potato chips in the kitchen with my ass' name all over it.

Come on, this game is nuts now.

Franco

Now you know why Puerto Ricans don't play hockey.

Sean

Why's that?

Franco

Well, we'd all be carryin' knives it'd be a blood bath.

Maggie

Not to mention all the hubcaps that would be stolen off of the Zamboni.

Mike

Every morning I'd pass by the construction guys out there on my way to work and there was this one guy-- Chris and I noticed him a couple of times. And one day, when I was passin' by, he sorta like smiled at me.

Sean

Okay, I think I'm gonna puke.

Mike

Well, it freaked me out too. Every morning he'd gimme this like smile. And one day when I stepped out and he wasn't there--

Lou

Did you check the end of your cock? [everyone laughs]

Lou, let him talk. Go ahead, kid.

Mike

And he was gone and I sorta liked missed him.

Tommy

Alright, my balls just went up behind my lungs.

Mike

I don't know how to describe the way I was feeling. Y'know, he was a nice guy... and-- and, we started talkin' and I guess I was like lonely or something and I moved into his place and it was great at first... then it got weird.

Franco

And then it got weird, because I was wonderin' when that was gonna kick in.

Mike

And he was into me that way, and that's when the blow jobs started... and it freaked me out at first. Yeah, and I knew it wasn't right for me--- he's gone, I'm not with him. I-I-I left, it's over, and that's the whole story.

Sean

Bullshit, Mikey. What about the transfer?

Mike

I filled the form out but I never turned it in, did I?

Sean

Oh, cut the shit, Mike, you already got your new house all picked out.

How do you know that?

Sean

Because he's playin' for their softball team.

Mike

What?

Sean

Yeah, your boyfriend Chris, he told me that you were battin' for the other team. edit »

Sean

Hey chief, do you wanna break this window?

Nah, this is beveled glass. He'll shit if we break this.

Sean

What about this one?

Nah, that's a storm window. I'll tell you what — we were down at the track last week. The guy owes me forty bucks, so let's see if we can find a forty dollar window.