Red vs Blue quotes

[Stands up] Excuse me, excuse me. I have to go to the bathroom. Again.

Get out of my way, I can't see!

It's not my fault the small drink is 164 ounces!

Uh oh. [stands] Emergency! Emergency! [Everyone yells at him to sit down and shut up] Don't yell at me! I have a nervous bladder! Oh boy. [sighs] It's okay, I don't have to go anymore.

Oh, gross.

I'm thirsty again.

Hang up the fucking phone! [People yell]

God, chill out everybody, I have to take this! It could be incredibly important! [answers] Yo, what up, fools? [people yell] Oh, nothing. Whatcha doing? [More yelling] Aw, no way! I'm watching that movie right now too! [yelling] Oh snap, we're in the same theater! [Donut stands up]

What's up, girl?

What's up, dawg? God, doesn't this movie suck? All the people in here are assholes!

Hey, can we wrap this up? I gotta get to a movie in a few minutes and I need to get a new tape for my video camera.

You're going to video tape the movie?

Yeah, so?

Oh man, you gotta go digital! You'll get a much better copy for the black market.

Oh, good idea, man. Thanks. You know, I just hope no one makes too much noise during the show. People who talk during movies are really ruining the industry.

Yeah, there ought to be a law.

[Standing amid a pile of junk] Someone help me - I lost my gas powered internet-enabled blow dryer! I have a lot of moistness that I need to dismoisten! And also I need to do it while I am webpaging about moistness.

Sarge, did you just skate in here on a pair of robot vacuums?

Sarge

Don't be ridiculous, Simmons. These are robot vacuum smart-phones! You see the answer to today's overabundance of technology isn't fewer useless gadgets, it's more useless features in fewer usable gadgets!

What?

Sarge

And of course it plays MP3s. Everything's gotta play MP3s - except your MP3 player! It now plays MP4s, 'cause everybody knows MP3s are a dead technology. They're our generation's betamax. And the next generation's Blu-ray.

What? Blu-ray just came out. It can't be obsolete already.

Sarge

Nonsense, numb-nuts. Being released to the public is what makes technology obsolete. The only way to stay ahead of the curve is to invest in products that don't exist, and hopefully never will. Like the iPlunger, or the Nintendonut.

Hhh, or the Simmons two point five upgrade...

Sarge

Aw, that's just vaporware and you know it. Anyway, everybody knows this year's Blu-ray, is gonna be Red-ray. Heh heh.

What about HD-DVD?

Sarge

Bad marketing. Not enough repeated letters in the name to be catchy. So it's being replaced with HHD DDVVDDBVDs.

Actually I just came back from the future. I got this new wristwatch, it's got a pedometer and a built-in time machine. Oh and it also plays MP3s. But in the future we don't call 'em MP3s. We call 'em MP48s

Sweet

Yeah, you can also play MP48s on your HHDDVVDD BVD player

Sarge

Dar dern They stole my idea!

I would just like everyone to know, I found my nucular powered SMS-messaging bowling ball. And I'm going to activate it now if anyone wants to text me while I'm playing.

Hey! I already told you, those ain't finger holes!

Hey! I think Andy's resting on one of those laptops with the exploding batteries!

Uh-oh. [boom!]

I also have my own achievables!

Shut up blue! We haven't even made any for you guys yet.

Yes you have, see? Bleep Bloop. [A fake achievement pops up saying: You Got Achevables]

That's not a real achievement!

Yes it is, bleep bloop. [Another fake achievement pops up saying: 10 Points Yes It Is.]

No! You can't do that! You can't fake the achievements they have to be approved! [A video achievement pops up saying: 10G - Wahmbulance, Whine like a bitch.]

Bleep Bloop.

Stop saying bleep bloop!

Bleep Bloop. [Fake Achievement: Bleep Bloop]

Stop it!

Bleep Bloop. [Fake Achievement: Bleep Bloop]

Stop it!

Bleep Bloop. [Fake Achievement: Bloop Bloop]

Okay, that's it, I quit.

Bleep Bloop. [Fake Achievement: Daboop Doop] I have so many achievables! Bleep Bloop. [Fake Achievement: 1 Billion Point, won the video]

[After a very long pause] Bleep Bloop! [Fake Achievement: Secret Bloop]