Sam quotes from Reaper

Sam

Maybe you guys should cover the other exits.

Sock

Cover the exit with what? Our spines?

Ben

(reads Sam's Wanted poster) 'Large reward?' Exactly what do you mean by large?

Sam

I got a gift certificate to Outback.

Sam

Thirty dollars.

Ben

Oooh, nice.

Sock

I just want her to see me the way the rest of the world does.

Sam

And how is that?

Sock

As a sexual magician.

Sam

You sent a demon to my house to kill me, Gladys! Why would you do that?

Gladys

We're in a book club together.

Sam

So, you agreed to have me assassinated?

Gladys

These book clubs are a lot of pressure.

Ben

Maybe you should grow a soul patch.

Sam

No, I'm not growing a douche tag.

The Devil

For all your whining and complaining, lack of fashion sense, you always get the job done. You want to do the right thing. I hate that about you. But I guess that's the quality that makes you so effective.

Sam

Are you giving me a compliment?

The Devil

No, mostly I just hate that about you.

The Devil

If [the portrait] stays there too long, Fitzgerald will show up and reclaim it, and more people will die.

Sam

Since when did you care if people get killed?

The Devil

I don't. Good call.

Sam

You are evil.

I'm the son of the Devil. I mean, what did you expect?

Gladys

Who's the pretty boy?

Hi, I'm Morgan. Nice to meet you.

Sam

He's sorta the son of your boss.

Gladys

So is Genghis Khan. You expect me to be impressed by a gap ad?

Sam

I just need to talk to you in private.

Sock

Alright. Fine. I'm alone. Give it up.

Sam

No, in the car, where no one can hear us.

Sock

You know what, if this is about your weird little man crush on me, don't worry about it. We all know.

Andi

Anything you want to tell me? Any little details that might be important for me to understand while I'm dating you?

Sam

I'm...allergic to tree nuts?

Sam

What are you doing here?

Mr. Oliver

I came for your brains. Just kidding!

Sam

I'm not done until we get back together.

Ben

Good for you! Sometimes you gotta look reality in the face and say no!

Sam

How'd it go with you and Kristin's dad?

Sock

He called me a clown, said I wasn't good enough to date Kristin, and attacked me with a fishing rod. I had to escape by swimming across the lake.

Ben

That's terrible, Sock.

Sock

You know, honestly, compared to other times when I met the parents, it didn't go that badly, Benji. You know, he didn't pull a gun on me, didn't try to rip off my genitals.

Sam

Sounds like he's got a soft spot for you.

The Devil

(talking about the contest) The loser, however, will be cast out. No financial support, no clothes, no car. Just an eternity of endless toil as one of my minions. Put quite simply, your life will be garbage.

Sam

My life is already garbage.

The Devil

Then, we'll just have to find a way to make it worse.