[Michael is making out with a guy when Emmett walks into the room.]
Ooh! Don't mind me, just uh... can't sleep without my milk and Oreo's.
This is my friend Emmett. He's staying with me temporarily since the hooker who lived down the hall from him burnt his apartment building down two years ago.
Two years is a long time to be temporary.
And yet it hasn't interfered with my love life... which I suppose says a lot about my love life.
How old are you really?
20...19...18...
What is this, a missile launch?
17.
Careful, don't drop him!
That's just what I was planning on doing.
We've been thinking of names. Mel wants to call him Abraham after her grandfather, but I like Gus.
[Brian looks at his son, then over to Justin.]
What do you think?
You wouldn't survive a day in school named Abraham, but I guess Gus is okay.
Thank you very much, and who the hell are you?
His name's... Juh...
Justin.
You were on the phone when he shot his load all over me.
Ugh...
Oh Brian!
He can't help it. He's only 17.
So you and Lindsay each had an infant tonight.
Mine doesn't suck on my breasts... unless I want him to.
It's kinda weird you're having a kid. Still it's exciting, isn't it?
What? Having some wrinkled little time clock ticking away? Reminding you that you're getting older by the minute, by the second?
Keep thinking like that you're gonna end up prematurely gray... Oh I think I see one.
There is always one solution. I could end it all right now!
That would be dramatic. Just like ER… birth and death in the same episode. Now, get down!
C'mon, Mikey, let's fly... like in all those comic books. I'm Superman. I'll show you the world!
Why am I always Lois Lane?
Fucked him.
You did not. You looked at him.
That may appear to be what happened, but we did it all.
Oh yeah and how was he?
Fabulous.
Well, here we are. Ma and Pa.
[Lindsay starts to cry]
Hey...
Don't mind me. Just feeling a little... vulnerable.
I promise not to tell.
Who would have thought? You and me, parents?
It's pretty scary, boys and girls. Think it's too late to return it?
[whispers] We could try... [laughs] I guess this means we're finally grown-ups.
Don't say that Wendy. We'll never grow up.
Don't be scared. Hell, if our parents could fuck up, so could we.
Michael [to Justin]: Okay boy wonder, I'm taking you home, where do I turn?
He's going with me.
Oh, no he's not.
Brian [to Justin]: Pop quiz, no talking. Here's your question. Multiple choice. Do you want to come home with me? A, yes. B, yes. Or C, yes. Tick tick tick! Time's up, pencils down. What do you say?
None of the above. He's going home.
I'm going with him.
Good boy. You get an A+.
He calls me, practically begs me to go with him, knowing full well I'm with someone, for the first time in I don't know how long...
7 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days.
Thank you. And even though the guy wasn't all he was cracked up to be...
We'll let that remark pass.
At least he wanted me. Me! [Sits down on the couch] God, I'm so horny!
Poor baby. Well I have just the thing. A new porn video. [Runs to get the video] It all takes place in a prisoner of war camp. Hot, horny men starved for action.
I can relate to that.
[Emmett hands over the video to Michael.]
Guaranteed to make your private stand up and salute.
Schindler's Fist?
Ah... Here. [hands Michael the remote] I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you'll going to have a deep, meaningful relationship. Good night!
Brian [to Justin]: I want you to always remember this. So that no matter who you're ever with... I'll always be there.
[Brian stretches his hand over to the other side of the bed to stop the alarm, wakes up, and realizes that Justin is in his bed.]
What the fuck are you doing here?
You said I could stay.
Right. Your parents. They think you're at a friend's. [Rises to sit on the bed, notices the mess in the loft] Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?
[Justin laughs.]
Don't tell me. I was doing handstands.
And juggling. You're not very good.
Shit! Why do I do these things?
[Justin tries to answer.]
I'll tell you why. It was that fucking pig Anita. She told me that was E. That wasn't E, that was some shit they cooked up in a bathtub in Tijuana.
That's why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.
[laughs] What are you, a public service announcement?
[talking about Lindsay] She must have really wanted a kid.
Most women do.
Even lesbians?
Lesbians are women. Sort of.
[Michael walks into Brian and Justin, kissing.]
Christ! Didn't you get enough last night?
There is no such thing as enough. Besides, I couldn't send him off without a nourishing high-protein breakfast.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Queer as Folk (US) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
