Brian and Justin in “Pilot”

What the fuck are you doing here?

You said I could stay.

Right. Your parents. They think you're at a friend's. [Rises to sit on the bed, notices the mess in the loft] Jesus Christ! What the hell happened?

Don't tell me. I was doing handstands.

And juggling. You're not very good.

Shit! Why do I do these things?

I'll tell you why. It was that fucking pig Anita. She told me that was E. That wasn't E, that was some shit they cooked up in a bathtub in Tijuana.

That's why you should never take drugs that aren't prescribed by a physician or recommended by a reliable pharmacist.

[laughs] What are you, a public service announcement?