Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

George

From what Emmett tells me, you're the love child of James Dean and Ayn Rand.

Brian

George, can I buy you a drink?

Brian

The first time you came here you didn't know anything about me. I could have done anything to you.

Justin

I was pretty sure you were going to fuck me.

Brian

I just dropped by to let you know that I'm not gonna be at the wedding. I'm going to the White Party in Miami instead. Later!

You can't ditch my special day!

You selfish prick!

Brian

As usual, objectivity falls to me. Think - you don't really want me there, do you? I have to be chemically depended just to show up. I'll be drunk, I'll be bored - not to mention better looking than the brides. I'll offend all the dykes, I'll heckle the ceremony, table dance at the reception and inevitably fuck every good looking guy - gay, straight or undecided - in the place. Finally, I'll pass out - naked - bitching about the cheap booze.You'll lose your dignity, your friends and your shirts paying for the damages. Hell, I'm doing you a favor getting out of town.

… Have a safe trip.

Brian

Competition: world class. Wardrobe: crucial. Margin for error: zero. So long, Pittsburgh; hello, Miami Vice!

Justin

I thought your all-expenses-paid fuck-fest was just for the weekend?

Brian

Each beach party has its own theme and a strict dress code. The White Party: 15,000 horny queers all in white.

Justin

I'll be busy, too. I have a paper due on Renaissance art...

Brian

Then there's the muscle beach party...

Justin

Then there's the laundry and, of course, the wedding...

Brian

I mustn't forget the Cowboy contest...

Justin

I have to remember to write to my Grandmother...

Brian

So you're standing me up to see two dykes tie the knot?

Justin

Yeah, I guess I am. You're angry?

Brian

I think you are a selfish heartless asshole... Keep up the good work!

Michael

What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done with a guy?

Brian

It's too weird to talk about.

Michael

Come on, dish!

Brian

Hm.. Kinky.. Kinky... Well, one night I went to this guys house and... I stayed over.

Brian

[about Garths party] Why would I want to hang out with a bunch of arrogant, self-important assholes?

Ted

'cause you fit right in?

Emmett

What kind of homosexual are you?!

Brian

The kind that fucks men...

Lindsay

I want you to be my husband.

Brian

You already have one.

Melanie

I told you, he's a total hetero-probe!

Justin

It's true; he is.

Brian

It's true; I am.

Lindsay

Promise me you'll behave.

Brian

I won't mention dick if you don't mention pussy.

Brian

Maybe we can hang it.

Justin

Really?

Brian

Then you can tell everybody you're hung.

Justin

I already do.

Brian

I'll give you 5000 dollars.

Justin

What for?

Brian

The drawing.

Justin

It's not for sale.

Brian

No... just you.

Brian

The reason you don't have a boyfriend is because you don't want one.

Ted

I don't?

Brian

If you had one it would challenge the well established opinion you have of yourself as a worthless sac of shit that nobody wants; therefore, you go after guys you know will reject you and you stand around here and bitch like a high school girl, when in fact you got exactly what you want, mainly, nothing.

Ted

Thank you Doctor Kinney, you've saved me years of therapy, not to mention several thousand dollars.

Michael

She hit me! My mother fucking hit me!

Ted

She's always hitting you.

Brian

That's how she shows her affection.

Michael

I mean for real.

Brian

Well, what did Mikey do?

Michael

I don't wanna talk about it..... I told her she was pathetic for dating that fag-hating cop!

Ted

You know, if she keeps this up we're gonna have to take her honorary queer button away.

Michael

Where are her values? Her principles?

Brian

You know how it us when you want cock, they're the first things to go.