I just dropped by to let you know that I'm not gonna be at the wedding. I'm going to the White Party in Miami instead. Later!
You can't ditch my special day!
You selfish prick!
As usual, objectivity falls to me. Think - you don't really want me there, do you? I have to be chemically depended just to show up. I'll be drunk, I'll be bored - not to mention better looking than the brides. I'll offend all the dykes, I'll heckle the ceremony, table dance at the reception and inevitably fuck every good looking guy - gay, straight or undecided - in the place. Finally, I'll pass out - naked - bitching about the cheap booze.You'll lose your dignity, your friends and your shirts paying for the damages. Hell, I'm doing you a favor getting out of town.
… Have a safe trip.
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