Brian and Ted in “[Episode 214]”

The reason you don't have a boyfriend is because you don't want one.

I don't?

If you had one it would challenge the well established opinion you have of yourself as a worthless sac of shit that nobody wants; therefore, you go after guys you know will reject you and you stand around here and bitch like a high school girl, when in fact you got exactly what you want, mainly, nothing.

Thank you Doctor Kinney, you've saved me years of therapy, not to mention several thousand dollars.