Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Brian

Let me see your wrist. That's a stunning watch you're wearing.

Emmett

I'm not wearing a watch.

Brian

Wow, Emmett, you're really observant. He's [Ted's] got a Rolex.

Ted

What happens if a condom breaks, or he's flossing his teeth and his gums bleed?

Brian

Or if he shoots his load and you're bending over to tie your shoe and it accidentally flies up your ass?

Leda

Hi, I'm Leda.

Brian

Melanie's evil ex.

Leda

And you must be the antichrist. Big fan.

Leda

Ever been fucked by a dyke with a dildo?

Brian

Is that an offer?

Michael

[about Debbie] She actually said she wished I wasn't gay!

Brian

Well, I'll always be glad that you're a big fat queer. [They kiss.] You know, she's right. You should forget Ben.

Michael

What the fuck do you know?

Brian

Let's see... I know advertising, and... you.

Brian

Some guys are into prime-aged cock.

Ted

Better hope Justin is.

[In a church] Wait 'til you see our new minister. I can't tell you what a comfort he's been to me since your father died. He calls, he visits, he makes sure I'm all right. He's been like a son.

Brian

Well, for his sake I sure hope you don't treat him like one.

Brian

Great service.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Brian

I meant at the baths.

Ted

I took Viagra last night! It's been 18 hours and it won't go down! What am I gonna do?

Emmett

Have you tried soaking it?

Lindsay

How about a cold shower?

Brian

How about scaring it?

Justin

That's hiccups...

Brian

Boo!

Ted

Thank you all for caring.

Melanie

What about something that would absolutely turn you off?

Brian

That's a great idea, why don't you two show him your tits?

Brian!

I'm sorry, am I disturbing you? I was gonna leave this [cake] here by the door with a note but then I thought as long as I'm here...

Brian

… I might as well bang on his door a million times and drive him nuts until he answers.

Joan Kinney

I hope you know it's a sin.

Brian

That I fuck guys or that I didn't tell you?

Joan

You make all the jokes you want. The Bible makes it clear. You're going to Hell.

Ted

Well, don't worry, God still loves you... no matter what.

Brian

Yeah like I give a shit what God thinks about me. He better be worried about what I think about him.

Michael

How do you figure that?

Brian

In all this cold dead universe, we're the only one's that know he exists. Without us... he's nothing.

Joan

I always include you in my prayers.

Brian

What a pal.

Joan

I hope you've come to ask forgiveness.

Brian

Not exactly.

Joan

It's the only salvation there is.

Brian

What about the Salvation Army?

Ted

Better to join the living. Have a drink.

Justin

Have a bump.

Brian

Have a boy.