Brian quotes from Queer as Folk (US)

Brian

All your life you've been her little man and all of a sudden some big ol' dick pops up, threatens to take her away... you're hurt, you're angry... mad enough to kill.

Ted

One more word out of you and I'm throwing you out of the car... okay? even if it is yours.

Ted

[To Brian, when they're being pulled over by the police] Do you have anything on you?

Brian

Yeah, 16 pounds of cocaine and 24 ounces of heroin.

Ted

This is no time to be funny!

Brian

Who's being funny?

Are you aware you were speeding?

Michael

Oh, that must be why it felt like we were going so fast.

Ted

Michael!

You were doing 60 in a 35 mile zone.

Michael

Oh, what do you know, math. Give the officer a jelly doughnut.

Excuse me, sir?

Michael

Look, don't you have anything useful to do? Like arrest a murderer?

Ted

Jesus, what the hell are you doing?

Do you have a problem with police officer's sir?

Brian

Only one's that are boffing his mother.

Michael

Shut up, asshole.... just give me the goddamn ticket.

Ted

Aw, now he's done it.

Get out of the car, sir.

Ted

Now we're gonna get arrested.

Michael

What now, so you can work me over?

Ted

Oh, now we're going to jail.

Justin

We have an arrangement.

Brian

Home by 3 or my balls turn into pumpkins.

Justin

The stuff we came up with is amazing. It's like we share the same brain!

Brian

You get it Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, he gets it Tuesday and Thursday?

Brian

What kind of a dyke are you, you can't even handle a power tool!

Lindsay

Oh, go away and play with your son!

Melanie

While you've still got your legs!

Brian

[To Debbie after being yelled at by Justin and Michael] Give me a minute between rounds, then you can have a go with me.

Debbie

Article 14 in the Super-Mom-Handbook says no kicking assholes when they're down. They'd take away my halo.

Debbie

You're jealous.

Brian

I don't do jealous, jealous is for lesbians.

Debbie

Well, then you better start liking pussy.

Justin

Isn't that like the most amazing coincidence?

Brian

That you and Ben and like 17 million other people have the same birthday?

Brian

Didn't your daddy ever teach you how to tie a tie?

Justin

No, he was too busy kicking me out and beating the shit out of you.

Brian

Well, neither did mine. He was too busy regretting the day I was born.

Lindsay

I don't understand you.

Brian

Few do.

Brian

You want too much. You expect too much. And then when your hero disappoints your poor little heart gets crushed.

Michael

So what's the alternative? To expect nothing, to want nothing like you?

Justin

Why don't you just admit you don't want to go away with me for the weekend?

Brian

I don't want to go away with you for the weekend.

Justin

At least it's out in the open.

Brian

I want to go away with you for the whole fucking week!

Emmett

Wow, somebody's on the rag.

Brian

Or not getting any.

Melanie

You see how much you get when you have a family to support, a kid to raise, and a major renovation going on under your roof. But, of course you never will because your only responsibility is to your dicks.

Brian

Which is why I'm smiling and you're not.

Rumor has it that you're gay.

Brian

The rumor's right. But unless I'm fucking you, it's none of your business.