Jeremy Hardy quotes from QI

Jeremy Hardy

You're basing all this on what Stephen Hawking says, and the fact is, he's subject to interference from minicabs.

Jeremy Hardy

Thatcher's grave is going to be a permanent urinal to all decent people, isn't it?

Stephen Fry

Where is ninety percent of the universe? Jeremy?

Jeremy Hardy

Ikea.

Alan Davies

I nearly injured myself the other day.

Stephen Fry

Oh yes?

Alan Davies

I was standing...

Stephen Fry

This is a not quite interesting?

Alan Davies

I was standing at the urinal and it was so high I had to stand on tip toe, and I nearly pulled a muscle in the hamstring area. It must have been a really really lanky plumber who put it up.

Stephen Fry

It must have been.

Bill Bailey

You were in a giant’s toilet.

Alan Davies

Stumbled into a giant's loo.

Jeremy Hardy

Might have been a fountain.

Bill Bailey

It was a font in a church.

Alan Davies

It was outdoors... [Realising what Bill said.] I was not weeing in a font! I resent that.

Bill Bailey

I baptise you... oh, stop that. Distguting.

Rich Hall

Who comes up with this shit? So you're telling me there's a second moon?

Stephen Fry

There... I am!

Jeremy Hardy

"Blue moon, I saw you standing alone." Not "with a small friend."

Rich Hall

So why is there, uh... why is there not one romantic song with the word "Cruithne" in it? Why not "Blue Cruithne of Kentucky," or "Cruithne River," or--

Alan Davies

No one can see it--

Stephen Fry

BECAUSE IT WAS DISCOVERED IN NINETEEN-NINETY-[bleep]-FOUR!

Rich Hall

9 years! 9 years to write a romantic song with the word ‘Cruithne’ in it.

Stephen Fry

In the last 9 years, no romantic songs, as far as I know, have been written at all. Have they?

Alan Davies

Bryan Adams wrote one.

Stephen Fry

Oh, please!

Bill Bailey

‘Everything I Do, I Do It For Cruithne?’