Jo Brand quotes from QI

Stephen Fry

Why would you keep a leash on a leech?

Phill Jupitus

Is it a medicinal leech?

Stephen Fry

Yes it is.

Jo Brand

They use them in the NHS today, don't they?

Stephen Fry

Yes, they do. They absolutely do.

You put them on a wound, don't you? And they eat bits that are infected.

Phill Jupitus

No, that's the maggots.

Have I travelled back in time?

Stephen Fry

No!

Phill Jupitus

And migraine headaches are caused by a demon living in your head!

Stephen Fry

Who's in charge of all the ants?

Jo Brand

Adam.

Stephen Fry

Very good.

Jo Brand

NO!

Stephen Fry

We were there before you, I'm afraid.

Is it a queen?

Stephen Fry

A queen ant? Of course, that's gonna get a klaxon.

Stephen Fry

So it is the species that most has to be utterly motionless during sex that we've discovered.

Jo Brand

Is it nuns?

Stephen Fry

When the universe was created...

Alan Davies

4000 years ago.

Stephen Fry

4000 years ago as it says in the bible.

Alan Davies

By our lord.

Stephen Fry

Only two elements were created at that time.

Alan Davies

Gold and silver.

Jo Brand

Frankincense and myrrh.

Stephen Fry

They are still the most abundant elements in the universe. 99% of the universe is composed of...

Bill Bailey

Helium and sarcasm.

Jo Brand

Are some people made of heavy metal?

Alan Davies

Lemmy.

Stephen Fry

How many paintings did Vincent van Gogh sell which he was alive.

Jo Brand

[To Alan.] Don’t say none.

Bill Bailey

None. I’m gonna say none.

Stephen Fry

Really, I’m afraid...

Bill Bailey

One.

Alan Davies

A few, maybe.

Stephen Fry

It was lots, he sold hundreds of paintings.

Alan Davies

Hundreds?!

Stephen Fry

Yeah. When he was 15, he used to work in an art gallery.

Alan Davies

Oh, shut up.

Stephen Fry

It’s true. I just asked you how many paintings...

Alan Davies

This is the closest I’ve come to walking out of this show.