Gus quotes from Psych

Shawn

And I've been doing something I liked to call "stalling". And Rutger Hauer calls "schtalling".

Why?

Gus

Because he's Dutch.

Shawn

It's just stupid, that's all. I mean, if he didnt have any hair then no one had any business calling him Fuzzy Wuzzy."

Gus

They were being ironic, Shawn.

Shawn

Yeah, but he wasn't fuzzy, was he?!

Gus

No, he wasn't! Irony, Shawn!

Shawn

My point precisely!

Gus

I'm still not convinced, Shawn. How can you be absolutely certain that Lassiter didn't shoot Chavez?

Shawn

It's relatively easy, Gus. I decided to be and therefore I am. Socrates said that.

Gus

No, that was Descartes.

Shawn

That was the cologne we wore in high school.

Gus

That was Drakkar Noir.

Shawn

No, that's a wine.

Gus

That's pinot noir.

Shawn

What are you, the Great Gatsby? Going to do a little swan-watching with Daisy Buchanan later?

Gus

Wow, how did you come up with that one?

Shawn

Eighth grade summer reading, whaaaat.

Gus

Before we get started we always like to ask a few preliminary questions. Standard stuff.

Lassiter

Ok, fire away.

Gus

Ok, umm. Let's see: one, did you kill that guy?

Shawn

Of course we'll help you. You're like our brother.

Gus

[winces] eh.

Shawn

Stepbrother?

Gus

[winces] eh.

Shawn

Weird kid who lives down the street and eats nothing but mayonnaise on Saltines?

Shawn

Lassie, good news - we got you a grape one.

Lassiter

Told you I don't want a Popsicle.

Shawn

Ah, I guess we'll have to share this one.

Gus

How do you share a Popsicle?

Shawn

I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick, you take a lick, I take a lick.

Shawn

It's time to go into stealth mode.

Gus

Stealth mode? Hit The Jackal switch!

Gus

Did you know that before he stabbed a guy, he was a life coach?

Shawn

Who would hire him as a life coach?

Gus

The guy he stabbed!

Shawn

Looks like it's stealth mode for us, partner.

Gus

Stealth mode? Hit The Jackal switch!

Lassiter

I want our killer--

Shawn

Arsassin! Or karsonist?

Gus

Arsassin.

Lassiter

This could be our killer.

Shawn

Furderer.

Lassiter

What?

Shawn

Fire murderer... furderer.

Shawn

We have found our arsonurderer.

Gus

What?

Shawn

Firearsman.

Gus

Uh-uh.

Shawn

Señor pantalones del fuego?

Gus

And they don't even have a dalmatian here, Shawn.

Shawn

Would you stop with the dalmatians already?

Gus

I'm just saying. It would be nice to see one in its natural habitat.

Shawn

They're not indigenous to firehouses, Gus.

Shawn

So, kiddies, always remember to put out your cigarettes when you are finished smoking them.

Excuse me!

Shawn

Uh, I mean, uh, don't smoke, uh, in bed... Or in restaurants... Or in caves.

No smoking, absolutely no smoking.

Gus

And don't listen to anyone who says that a pipe is cool, because I'm telling it is not.

Get out, get out, get out!

Shawn

I accidentally mixed up Fire Chief Dan's phone with mine. They're similar shapes and my hand was in his jacket pocket.

Gus

You stole his phone?

Shawn

He was throwing us out! Gus, I plead the third.

Gus

The third amendment is no soldier can live in your house against your will. You mean the fifth.

Shawn

Yeah, I've heard it both ways.

Gus

I plead the Fifth.

Shawn

Mmm, element, dimension, Beatle?

Gus

You can't plead Billy Preston.