Gus quotes from Psych

Shawn

I don't lose things. I place things in locations which later elude me.

Gus

That's the same thing as losing it.

Shawn

Maybe to those without the nuance chromosome.

Henry

I saw the shooting on television, I been trying to call your cell phone. It keeps going to voicemail. I been worried to death.

Shawn

I... forgot to turn on my phone.

Henry

Gus, let me ask you something. What was the very first thing you did right after the shooting?

Gus

I called my folks to tell them I was okay.

Henry

And what's the first thing he did?

Gus

He ate a banana.

Henry

[to Shawn] You ate a banana?!

Shawn

I sure I did. You know why? Because it makes me think of you, because you're my big old papa monkey.

Shawn

I'm sorry, but was this chicken seasoned with molten lava?

Shawn

I can't see out of my left eye.

Gus

I see dead people.

Shawn

Even the water's spicy!

Gus

Who does that?!

Shawn

All right, I'm sorry, no offense, but it's stupid that you people eat food this hot.

Shawn

[aside to Abigail] I said "no offense", right?

Shawn

Gus, don't be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan.

Gus

It's Azkaban.

Shawn

I've heard it both ways.

Gus

How do you not have a black suit? What kind of grown man doesn't own a black suit?

Shawn

Besides me, the Joker, Colonel Sanders, Matthew McConaughey--

Gus

McConaughey doesn't count, he doesn't own a shirt.

Shawn

He doesn't need a shirt!

Gus

You know that's right.

Gus

Yeah, and Skip here has romantic dreams about firemen that look like Dolph Lundgren.

Shawn

[laughing] What?! I... you cheeky screwball. What I tell you? He's wacko.

Gus

No. You said it was late and you were in the fire house and you slid down this large pole...

Shawn

Why? Why?

Shawn

[seeing Gus and Juliet pulling up along side the truck he is held captive in on the highway] Look at you, buddy, you're just like Vin Diesel!

Gus

That makes Jules Michelle Rodriguez, and you Paul Walker!

Shawn

This is no good!

Gus

Don't worry, Shawn, you're gonna make it!

Shawn

No, I know I'll be fine. I just really don't wanna be Paul Walker, not even for a day.

Gus

You could be Lucas Black from Tokyo Drift, but then we wouldn't be in the movie with you!

Shawn

That's weird. I'll just be Walker.

Shawn

Major General.

Major General Felts

Yes?

Shawn

Oh, no, I don't need anything. I just like to say "Major General". [To Gus] Try it.

Gus

No, Shawn.

Shawn

Gus, just try it.

Gus

No!

Shawn

Dude, just try it.

Gus

Major General! [smiles]

Shawn

Major General.

Major General Felts

Yes?

Shawn

Oh, I got nothing. I just like saying that. Those two words in sequence. "Major General". Try it, Gus.

Gus

I don't want to, Shawn.

Shawn

Just say it!

Gus

I don't want to!

Shawn

Dude, say it.

Gus

Major General! [smiles]

Shawn

Ew, how many men would you say you've killed?

Shawn!

Shawn

Of the four of us, your brother is the only one who's probably killed a man, unless we're counting accidental deaths, in which case Gus would be in running.

Gus

Shawn!

Shawn

You don't have to defend yourself.

Gus

The thing is, I have something big to tell you.

Shawn

You know you can say anything to me, Gus. We've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

Gus

I have a secret girlfriend.

Shawn

You're dead to me.

Shawn

Oh my God. Are you in the vault of secrets right now?

Gus

No.

Shawn

You are! It's settled, I'm helping.

Gus

You're not helping. Period. Suck it!

Shawn

My name is Shawn Spencer, well known psychic. This is my associate Burton Guster.

Gus

Now you use my real name?!

Lassiter

Okay, so here are my findings. Turns out Juliet's boyfriend was working for a company owned by the infamous J.T. Waring.

Gus

Who?

Shawn

Come on, Gus, she wrote all the "Harry Potter"s.

Gus

That's J.K. Rowling, Shawn.

Shawn

Also, I put my favorite piece of art back on the wall.

Gus

It's not art, Shawn. It's a picture of a hot blonde laying on a Corvette that says "Haulin' Ass."

Shawn

If it's not art, why did I insure it for half a million dollars?

Gus

That's because you're an idiot.