Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Henry

You're not afraid of competition, are you Shawn?

Shawn

Of course not. As long as doesn't involve people trying to best each other.

Lassiter

What the hell are you wearing, Spencer?

Shawn

[disguised] I ain't Spencer; I'm Soupcan Sam.

Shawn

Look Gus, he's literally taking her to the bank.

Gus

What's next, the cleaners? [point at each other]

Shawn

You just pressed my competitive button and now it's on.

I'd be frightened if you were wearing any buttons.

What are you doing here?

Shawn

I'm here to see my money. They keep it in a special room in the back, with a trampoline. I'm gonna roll around in it for a while, maybe make it rain sort of like that scene from Indecent Proposal except no sex. MAYBE SEX!

[reading a letter] "...signed "Shown" Spencer". You misspelled your name.

Shawn

I did that on purpose.

No you didn't.

Shawn

You're right, I was on a hurry and I didn't have spell check.

You need spell check for your own name?

May I ask you a personal question?

Shawn

Sure.

Have you ever been tested for idiocy?

Shawn

The truth is, I want to change, I need to change.

You got that right.

Shawn

I want my father, on his deathbed, four, or five years from now, to look at me and say, 'That, that is the man that I raised.' And I want him to be pointing at some other guy, because that means that maybe, just maybe, I am not his biological son.

Lassiter

You're not going anywhere because you're not on this case.

Shawn

Understood. DAAAAAD!

Henry

They're on this case.

Lassiter

Henry!

Lassiter

What do you two know about street racing anyway?

Shawn

Only what we learned from The Fast and The Furious. So... everything.

Shawn

I'm Shawn and this is my associate, M. C. Clap Your Handz. [Gus claps his hands.]

Gus

With a Z.

Is this you ride? [Henry's pick up truck] Seriously?

Shawn

She may look like hell, she may sound like hell, she may run like, she may smell like hell...

Gus

Shawn...

Shawn

But she is fast as HELL.

Gus

Are we dead?

Shawn

I'm not. But if you are, can I have the 6,218 dollars there are in your rainy day money market account?

Gus

How do you know exactly how much money I have in there?

Shawn

Wild guess.

Gus

Why are you singing Lassiter's danger music?

Shawn

It's catchy.

Shawn

I'm not a palm reader, I'm a psychic.

What you are is 172 pounds of we don't give a damn.