Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Lassiter

You brought a date to the crime scene?

Shawn

It was either this or ice skating.

Henry

[about an army commercial] Look at all the stuff they're getting done while you're lying there slacking off. What does that make you want to do?

Young Shawn

Go into advertising. That's a really catchy jingle. Seriously, I can't get it out of my head.

Major General Felts

I assume you realize this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated on my base!

Shawn

Is there another type of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Shawn

Major General.

Major General Felts

Yes?

Shawn

Oh, no, I don't need anything. I just like to say "Major General". [To Gus] Try it.

Gus

No, Shawn.

Shawn

Gus, just try it.

Gus

No!

Shawn

Dude, just try it.

Gus

Major General! [smiles]

Shawn

Major General.

Major General Felts

Yes?

Shawn

Oh, I got nothing. I just like saying that. Those two words in sequence. "Major General". Try it, Gus.

Gus

I don't want to, Shawn.

Shawn

Just say it!

Gus

I don't want to!

Shawn

Dude, say it.

Gus

Major General! [smiles]

Shawn

Ew, how many men would you say you've killed?

Shawn!

Shawn

Of the four of us, your brother is the only one who's probably killed a man, unless we're counting accidental deaths, in which case Gus would be in running.

Gus

Shawn!

Shawn

You don't have to defend yourself.

Gus

The thing is, I have something big to tell you.

Shawn

You know you can say anything to me, Gus. We've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

Gus

I have a secret girlfriend.

Shawn

You're dead to me.

Shawn

Oh my God. Are you in the vault of secrets right now?

Gus

No.

Shawn

You are! It's settled, I'm helping.

Gus

You're not helping. Period. Suck it!

Shawn

My name is Shawn Spencer, well known psychic. This is my associate Burton Guster.

Gus

Now you use my real name?!

Do you understand about honor, Mr. Spencer?

Shawn

Of course I do. I have a bootleg copy of Saving Private Ryan at home.

Lassiter

Okay, so here are my findings. Turns out Juliet's boyfriend was working for a company owned by the infamous J.T. Waring.

Gus

Who?

Shawn

Come on, Gus, she wrote all the "Harry Potter"s.

Gus

That's J.K. Rowling, Shawn.

Shawn

Also, I put my favorite piece of art back on the wall.

Gus

It's not art, Shawn. It's a picture of a hot blonde laying on a Corvette that says "Haulin' Ass."

Shawn

If it's not art, why did I insure it for half a million dollars?

Gus

That's because you're an idiot.

Gus

I still smell like stinky nuts!

Shawn

Gus, we don't have four hours to riff on that.

Shawn

I can't reach my back pocket. You'll have to punch me in the ass.

Gus

You must be out of your mind.

Shawn

Sock me in the butt.

Gus

No, Shawn.

Shawn

Tell me your opinion on Detective Lassiter's hair.

Scientifically, if he grew it out, his ears wouldn't stick out as much.