Shawn Spencer quotes from Psych

Nigel St. Nigel

Nose hair trimmer. Invest.

Henry

Can you even remember what it felt like to be able to move the muscles in your face?

Nigel St. Nigel

Who decorated this place? Kris Kristofferson?

Henry

I built that table.

Nigel St. Nigel

Really? I'm pretty sure if I were to build a table, I would start by using wood that had never drifted.

Henry

All right. You know... that's it.

Nigel St. Nigel

Already? I'm just getting started. I've got a sonnet for each piece of fish paraphernalia.

Henry

Oh yeah? Well I've got an ice-cold can of whup-ass just sitting in that fridge!

Shawn

Actually it's diet whup-ass.

Shawn

I'm Shawn Spenstar and this is my partner, Gus "TT" Showbiz.

Gus

The extra T is for extra talent.

Shawn

You're mad.

Gus

I'm not mad; I'm happy, I'm thrilled. I love looking like an idiot.

Shawn

That explains your shoes.

Shawn

Don't panic. Those bites are consistent with a T-Rex bite.

Gus

You know that?

Shawn

Yes, I know that. [shows picture of himself in the mouth of a T-Rex skeleton] I was canned from the Wyoming National Museum for that shot. The bruises didn't go away for a year, but it was totally worth it. It was my best screensaver ever!

Shawn

I can play six degrees of dinosaur with you right now... You've never been in a movie with Kevin Bacon or a dilophosaurus, have you?

Gus

How about you play six degrees of kiss my ass?

Shawn

First of all, that sounds like a totally disturbing game.

Juliet

Detective Lassiter is literally on fire.

Shawn

Michael Jackson in the Pepsi commercial fire, or misusing the word "literally" fire?

Shawn

Is she still mad about me requisitioning the segway

Juliet

You did that?

Shawn

No....

That's ridiculous.

Shawn

Is it? It's not like I'm wearing a giant moose costume.

Shawn

I'm getting more... like five hundred thousand, which could last a whole lifetime.

That's not possible.

Shawn

It is if you live in one of the Baltic states.

Gus

What are we looking for anyway?

Shawn

Anything that points to criminal activity. You know... a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign. A red barrel labeled "TNT." An anvil. Anything.

Gus

[picking up a rim] Check this out!

Shawn

What, you have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.

Stop trying to figure it out!

Shawn

(Continuing jumping up and down) I can't help it!

Gus

I wrote the location down.

Shawn

This says "In the middle of a field". Why did you have to write that down?

Gus

The address is on the back.

Gus

Are you crazy?!

Shawn

I wouldn't say crazy... maybe an eccentric who looks good in jeans.

Juliet

Shawn, how do you know this?

Shawn

The same way that I know that as a child Lassie wanted nothing more than a pony.

Lassiter

Oh, come on. Who didn't?

Gus

Anyone who wasn't an 8 year-old girl.

Henry

It's a good thing we wore our lucky shirts.

Shawn

I'm just worried someone is going to stare directly at the pattern and have a seizure.

Henry

Oh, Shawn, what have I told you a thousand times before?

Young Shawn

Don't hide Gus in the pantry?

Henry

That lies always lead to more lies. Now, go to your room.

Young Shawn

I don't know where that is.

Henry

SHAWN!!!

Young Shawn

Who's Shawn?