Phineas and Ferb · Season 1
Great job, Agent P. You stopped Doofenshmirtz, saved the Tri-State Area, and finished the music video countdown. [at the camera] Well, thanks for tuning in, folks. We'll see ya next time. [at Doofenshmirtz, who is now trapped in the cage] Say good night, Doofenshmirtz.
You know, someday I'll get out of this cage, but your name will still be Francis.
Making changes to my schedu—
We're building a machine to make the biggest, most durable bubble ever!
Ugh! Right, nobody ever asks Baljeet what he is doing.
Let me guess, the Let's Help Phineas and Ferb patch?
It's called the Help Thy Neighbor patch, Adyson. Don't make up patch names.
I already have fifty-two of those.
I have fifty-three. Remember? I went back one afternoon before everyone else went home.
I know. Don't remind me.
[in Isabella's fantasy] Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't know what I'm doing! I don't know what I've been doing, always getting so wrapped in these projects I don't care about— it's you I care about, Isabella! [turns into a centaur that Isabella rides away on] Can we be together forever and ever?
[back in reality] Great! While they're getting that, we can finish our designs on the transponder! See ya girls back at the field!
(Flashback)
Can I help you with something, ma'am?
Yes. Can you tell me where you've moved your Stiff Beauty hair spray?
Oh, I'm so sorry, ma'am. That product has been discontinued. As it turns out, only amusement park clowns used it. And ever since the old amusement park shut down, Stiff Beauty hasn't been selling.
Discontinued?
Discontinued.
So what you're saying is Stiff Beauty's no longer going to be sold.
Right. That's what "discontinued" means.
[after a pause] How about I discontinue YOU from this dimension! [Poofenplotz zaps the worker away and sending her into a red void in another dimension]
This so isn't worth minimum wage.
I may be stiff, but at least I'm beautiful. [Part of her hair kinks and stand straight up] Curse you, Pinky the Chihuahua!
Candace has a great sense of humor. Remember the time she got her face caught in the sink?
[Isabella looks at the the audience with a strange look on her face]
You see, it occurred to me that what I should REALLY be doing is fighting fire with fire. And by "fire", I mean Perry the Platypus. And by "fire", I ALSO mean Perry the Platypus. [beat] It occurred to me while I was on fire.
[as the Mix 'n' Mingler machine goes to full speed and lifts off the ground] Sorry, folks. Prepare for emergency ejection! [pulls a cord, and he and all the other people are ejected from the machine as it flies away and parachutes emerge from their chairs] In hindsight, a simple ice cream cone might have been more effective.
See?
Who puts a picture frame on a window?
[reading from a card] "Should a nerd save a bully's life, the bully is the nerd's slave for life." "Should" is misspelled.
Duh! It was written by bullies.
Detectives. Perfect. I know what you're gonna do today. Track down my little Mary McGuffin!
Piece of cake. [Ferb gives him a piece of chocolate cake] Ooh, chocolate! Thanks, Ferb. [to Candace] We'll have your little Mary McGuffin back here faster than you can say-hey, where's Perry?
[giving the Mary McGuffin doll to Vanessa] Remember when you said that you wanted a Mary McGuffin doll, I be the world's greatest dad?
[flatly] Yeah, when I was, like, seven.
At last, I have found one. I've been spending years scourging the Internet and the garage sales trying to find the discontinued doll.
[surprised by this revelation] Wow, I can't believe you remembered that I wanted this.
Remembered? I never stopped looking.
Really?
You know, I may be an evil scientist, but it doesn't take a degree purchsed off the Internet with your ex-wife's moeny to show how important you are to me.
[smiles] That's so sweet.
Well, I better run. I bought a used -inator from the garage sale and it's missing a part.
Really? What does it do?
I don't know yet. It's missing a part. But whatever it is, I'm sure it will be pure evil.
[looks at the doll and smiles again] Well, at least, you're not evil.
[The Mary McGuffin doll falls into the hands of a little girl named Sally]
Look! She's perfect, And I just love her!
[both Candace and Vanessa are watching this]
Oh, forget it! I guess I'm just too old for dolls anyway.
Yeah, maybe I don't really have to have the one object that my dad spent years finding in order to show me his affection...
[they both look at each other]
No, actually, I do. [snatches the doll from Sally] Gimme that, kid! [walks away with the doll, causing Sally to cry]
[later on, Doofenshmirtz gets a call from Vanessa about the event while he's cutting a carrot]
So you just took it from the little girl, and left her there crying?! Wow, that is evil! Honey, I am so proud of you! It felt good, didn't it? Yeah, we can build on this.
[singing] Not so bad a dad after all!
Ferb, you must have left your skateboard in England the last time we were there. I know! We could create a highly intricate and sophisticated machine that will transport any object from anywhere on the globe to our backyard!
Why don't you just build a new skateboard?
[awkward silence]
Nah, I don't think so.
If it's all the same with you, Father, we're going to build the machine.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Phineas and Ferb pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
