Jeremy quotes from Peep Show

Mark

[Jeremy and Super Hans are trying to intimidate Gog] There, we have our answer. Can we please leave!?

Super Hans

We have to hurt him now, out of principle. Hit him with the fucking bat Jez.

Jeremy

Why do I have to hit him? Punch him with the glove.

Super Hans

Punch him? [holds up baseball glove] I can't even make a fist.

Jeremy

(Still drinking alone, what's the big deal? If I drink a bottle of vodka and a man's there does that somehow make it alright?)

Hey man, I'm really parched, you mind if I have a swig of something?

Jeremy

Whatever.

Jeremy

(God, that's what a man should look like. Look at that body. Those arms.)

Listen man, I know you still have feelings for Suze and that's fine. So, it's really nice to meet you, and...no hard feelings. Yeah?

Jeremy

Yeah

What does that mean?

Jeremy

You know what it means, Stu, by how it makes you feel! That's what it means. [Stu begins to walk away] Welcome to big school!

Jeremy

"If you build it, they will come". That's my market research.

Mark

Your market research is Field of Dreams? I mean, a man who made a baseball pitch in his garden for ghosts? That's your role model?

Mark

She's very ill. We need to get her to someone-

Jeremy

Who has more responsibility for her than us.

Mark

Exactly.

Super Hans

Did you try to section me?

Jeremy

No. (That sounded convincing.)

Mark

We're not going to be two of those idiots you hear about who go up a mountain in Flip Flops and Sombreros and have to be rescued.

Jeremy

Would you rather be one of those idiots they find frozen to death, drinking his own piss while badgers chew on his corpse?

Mark

[Dividing up his chocolate] There's seven segments, so that three each and one left over which is mine since... it's all mine.

Jeremy

Oh, the spirit of the The Blitz lives on. Fuckin' hell.

Jeremy

Why were you phoning me anyway, you big idiot?

Mark

Well, I wanted to talk some stuff through with someone didn't I? You big.. dick.

Jeremy

What stuff? You're not having gay feelings again Mark?

Mark

No, one time that happened.

Jeremy

So you accepted the acceptance?

Mark

I had to .. it was check mate.

Jeremy

I've got loads of really important stuff to do this weekend.

Mark

Jeremy, a carton of Mars Bar Milk, a small bag of marijuana, and a pirated DVD of Anchorman are not important things.

Jeremy

But what's Blair going to do?

Super Hans

Maybe he'll become an ethical porn star.

Jeremy

Or maybe he'll form a political supergroup. Blair, Bono on vocals, Clinton on sax.

Super Hans

Yeah, that's definitely going to happen. Geldof's gonna shit.

Big Suze

Jeremy, you tried to sell my body to another man for private gain. I don't want to talk to you. Goodbye.

Jeremy

I did not try to sell her body. I tried to rent out her sexual organs [beat] on a one-use basis.

Mark

You know what this piece of paper says, Jeremy?

Is it something to do with history? Have they stopped history books?

Mark

This piece of paper says that I am fucked.

Oh. That's horrible, who sent you that?

Mark

It's my plan for Project Zeus

Let's have a look.

Mark

That's what I've got to go through that door and pitch to the entire JLB board in 10 minutes.

Shit.

Mark

I'm about to walk into a boardroom gangbang and get fucked by the biggest swinging dicks in corporate strategy.

Maybe you should run away.

Mark

Right, thanks Jez.

Well, I mean, people say it like it's a bad thing, you know, running away from your problems. But if your problems never catch up with you, what's the hitch?

Mark

Right, well, in this case there would be repercussions.

What do you care? You'd be in the woods, playing the ukulele with the rabbits and the squirrels!

Mark

I suppose I could... run away.

Do it, man!! (I think that was good advice... I mean, I didn't actually expect him to do it... Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... But... yep, there he goes.)

Mark

(God, I'm running away! This is brilliant! Maybe I'll go to KFC and have a whole bargain bucket! Or I could join al-Qaeda! Maybe I'll marry my lap dancer! I do think in a weird way we had a connection... fuck the Blockbuster's fine, I'm going clear!)

Jeremy

(Hiding out in a car park. He's not exactly Grizzly Adams, but it's a start.)

Mark

You gave him a hand?

Jeremy

Yeah.

Mark

Shit. (I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!)

Mark

Nancy stayed over?

Jeremy

Yeah. Lovely, clean Nancy all over our filthy disgusting sofa.