Pee-wee quotes from Pee-wee's Playhouse

Dixie

Pee-wee? Pee-wee! Pee-wee.

Pee-wee

Hi, Dixie! I can see your bald spot.

Dixie

[sarcastically] Whoops.

[barges into the playhouse] Pee-wee, lock the doors. Shut the windows. Hide!

Pee-wee

What is it, Mrs. Steve?!

There's a monster on the loose.

Pee-wee

[screams] A monster! A monster! [screams again, then suddenly stops] Wait a minute. I don't believe in monsters.

Look! [everyone else screams] Is it the monster?!

Pee-wee

No. You said the secret word, Mrs. Steve.

I'm telling you, I saw a monster. It had a big round eye and two mouths. It was horrible! I have to go warn the other people in the neighborhood! [exits]

Pee-Wee

Hi, Dixie!

Dixie

[combing around the playhouse] Announcing his highness, the King of Cartoons!

[offscreen] Oh, no, Dixie. I'm too afraid to get outta the cab.

Dixie

It's okay, your highness! I checked out the playhouse. The coast is clear. There's no monsters in here.

[nervously enters the playhouse] You sure there's no monster in here?

Chairry

See, Pee-wee? The king is afraid of monsters, too.

Pee-wee

Did you see a monster?

Oh, no, but I heard all about it from Mrs. Steve.

Pee-wee

Oh, that Mrs. Steve's got everybody scared. There's no such thing as MONSTERS!

Dixie

Ya can't be too sure. Make it quick, King. Better safe than sorry.

Will do, Dixie. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and...monsters, if there is any. [pause] Let the cartoon...begin. [turns on the projector]

Pee-wee

Chairry, you're all damp!

Chairry

I was out in the pool. Tito's teachin' me to float.

Yeah. Chairry's doin' real good.

Jambi

All right, then. One pair of cowboy boots, coming up. What size?

Cowboy Curtis

Size 12, double-E.

Pee-wee

Boy, big feet.

Cowboy Curtis

Well, ya know what they say.

Pee-wee

No. What?

Cowboy Curtis

For big feet, big boots!

Pee-wee

Randy, did you steal Mrs. Steve's apples?

No. I didn't steal 'em.

You did so. I saw you with my own two eyes.

Did not.

Did so.

Did not.

Did so.

Did not!

Did so!

Pee-wee

STOOOOOOOP!!! [they stop] Randy, if you didn't steal Mrs. Steve's apples, [extracts apple cores from beneath the bed] then what are these?!

I didn't steal 'em. I just sorta took 'em. Besides, what's the big deal? They were just some crummy crabapples.

Pee-wee

Those "crummy crabapples" belonged to Mrs. Steve. You shouldn't steal stuff that doesn't belong to you.

That's right! I demand an apology from you, young man.

Eh...

Pee-wee

Go on, Randy. Say you're sorry.

All right. I'm sorry.

Sorry isn't going to put those apples back on my tree. I want you to promise me you'll never do that again.

I promise, Mrs. Steve. I had no idea that taking your delicious apples was going to upset you so. I'm awfully sorry. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? Please?

Well, I suppose I can forgive you this one time. But if it ever happens again, I'm calling the police, and you go to prison with all the other apple stealers! [casually] Thank you, Pee-wee. [exits]

[snickers] I had my fingers crossed. [snickers again, but groans] Oooohhh...My stomach hurts.

Pee-Wee

[sarcastically] Gee, I'm sorry what happened to you, Randy. I thought we were going to make some delicious apple pie!

Pee-wee

Rusty, you didn't draw anything.

Yes, I did. I drew you in a snowstorm! [laughs]

Jambi

Hey, Pee-wee, what about me? Where's my present?

Pee-wee

Your present's from me, Jambi. I'm giving you my wish!

Jambi

Thanks, Pee-wee! And I know just what to wish for. [conjures up a second box that appears in Pee-wee's hands] Open says me!

Two heads are better than one.

Jambi

You can say that again.

Two heads are better than one!

Cowboy Curtis

WHOO-WHEE!!!

Wow!

Cowboy Curtis

Hey! Lookie here, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee

[runs up to the living piece of floor] Gosh! Who are you?!

Uh, my name is Floory.

Hello, Floory.

Hello, everybody.

Pee-wee

How long have you been here?

I've been here forever. You just didn't notice me, 'cause I was underneath your teepee.

Pee-wee

Well, why didn't you say somethin'?

Uhhh...I don't know. I guess I just didn't think of it.

Pee-wee

Well, from now on, I'm gonna keep my teepee over there, so you can play with us.

Thanks, Pee-wee.

Pee-wee

Gee. You never know where you're gonna meet a new friend, huh?

Cowboy Curtis

Sure does make ya think.

Why don't you just keep the puppy, Pee-wee?

Pee-wee

I can't, Randy. He doesn't belong to me.

Well, you like him, don't you?

Pee-wee

Sure I do.

So? Finders keepers, losers weepers.

Pee-wee

But, Randy, somebody's out there looking for him right now. I know I'd want him returned to me if I'd lost him.

Eh, if they were dumb enough to lose him, you should let 'em suffer.

Pee-wee

What are you making, Randy?

Macaroni and cheese. At least you can eat that.

Good morning, everybody. Pee-wee's letting me use his exercise belt this morning. [laughs] Okay, Pee-wee. Turn it off now.

Pee-wee

No!

Pee-wee, Mrs. Rene is asking you nicely, dear. TURN IT OFF! [Pee-wee does so] Oh, my. What a workout.

Whattaya talkin' about? I did all the woik!

Pee-wee

Welcome to Herman's Department Store. Can I help you?

Miss Yvonne

No, thank you. We're just window shopping.

Pee-wee

Well, the window's not for sale.

I brought some huge rubber bands for your rubber-band ball, Pee-wee. Shall I put 'em on for you?

Pee-wee

Sure, go ahead. I can't do anything anyways. I'm sick! [starts yelling as voice starts becoming louder and louder] You know, sometimes when you're sick, you don't feel like putting rubber bands on your rubber-band ball! YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING AT ALL!!! [calmly] I'm awfully sorry, Ricardo. You see, sometimes when we're sick, we snap at people when we don't mean to. Our emotions are awfully close to the surface. You understand, don't you?

Oh, sure, I do, Pee-wee.

Hey, how 'bout something to eat, Pee-wee? I made some soup especially for you. [Pee-wee mumbles quietly] What?

Pee-wee

[snaps again] I said YES!! YES! I'll have some soup! OKAY?!?!

[confused] ¿Para que me mortifico? ¿Vengo a verlo, le traigo sopa, y para que?