Pee-wee quotes from Pee-wee's Playhouse

Pee-wee

And now, for my next trick,... [rolls up his sleeves] Nothin' up here. Nothin' up here. [points at his head] And nothin' up here.

Pee-wee

If you're good to your teeth, your teeth will be good to you.

Pee-wee

That does it! I have had enough! [slowly walks up to the camera] They can take the suit off your back. They can take your special cereal bowl and spoon. They can even take your album of photo memories. [at this point, his face is very close to the camera] But when they mess with your dots... they go too far.

Pee-wee

Hey, Magic Screen, what's that red thing over there?

Magic Screen

What a silly question Pee-wee. It's the door.

Hey, Pee-wee!

Pee-wee

Yes, Mr. Window?

Someone's at the do - uh...Someone's at the red-padded entrance.

Pee-wee

Oh, you mean the door.

Jambi

Hey, Pee-wee, are you ready to make your wish yet?

Pee-wee

No, but I'll take a prediction.

Jambi

Okay, I predict...we'll be back right after this!

Pee-wee

But I missed!

But nobody misses like you do, Pee-wee.

Magic Screen

What style.

Chairry

What flair.

What a lotta hooey. Psst! Hey, Pee-wee, come here. [Pee-wee walks up to him] Lemme straighten you out. Can't you see what's goin' on? Why do you think everyone's bein' so nice to ya?

Pee-wee

'Cause they like me.

Ah, wise up, Pee-wee. Put two and two together. Everybody's bein' nice to you, because they want you to take 'em to that dinner. That's the only reason.

What's the matter, Pee-wee?

Pee-wee

I'm bored, Randy.

Bored? There's plenty of things to do on a rainy day.

Pee-wee

I know Randy, but I've done all them already.

No, you haven't. See this phone here?

Pee-wee

Yes, I've called everyone I know.

So? Call some people you don't know.

Pee-wee

What do you mean?

Here, I'll show you. [goes into the picture phone and dials a number of a housewife]

[picks up the phone] Hello.

Hello. Is your refrigerator running?

Why, yes.

Then you better go and catch it! [laughs; hangs up] See, Pee-wee? It's easy. You try one.

Pee-wee

No, Randy. That's not fun. It's not nice to make prank phone calls!

Don't be such a chicken. [dials the number again] Here. It's ringing. [hands the phone to Pee-wee]

[annoyed] Hello?

Pee-wee

Hello. Is your refrigerator running?

I've had just about enough of this! My husband is a police officer. [dramatic music] Darryl?

Yes, dear? [takes the phone from his wife] What's your name, kid?

Pee-wee

Pee-wee Herman.

Well, you listen to me, Pee-wee Herman. Making prank phone calls is against the law! If I wasn't such a nice guy, I'd take you downtown and throw ya into jail! And you'd have a criminal record for the rest of your life. [dramatic music] Would ya like that?

Pee-wee

Uh, no, sir. I mean, no, officer!

Yeah. All right. I'll let you go this time. But next time, you're goin' to jail.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, puppets, machines, and everyone else, big and little... [everyone else screams] Prepare to be stupid.

Stupefied!

Oh, yeah. Prepare to be stupefied. For the first time anywhere, presenting the Amazing Pee-wee!

Pee-wee

[enters, appearing to be levitating] I love levitating.

Pee-wee

What do cowboys eat?

Cowboy Curtis

Let's see. Uh,...Rattlesnakes, horn toads, cactus, armadillo, gophers, prairie dogs.

Pee-wee

[grossed out] If I was a cowboy, I'd never eat.

Cowboy Curtis

I's just funnin' ya, Pee-wee. It's a cowboy joke.

Pee-wee

Oh. [laughs] Cowboy joke.

Knock-knock!

Pee-wee

Who's there?

Boo!

Pee-wee

Boo who?

I'll tell ya if ya stop cryin'! [laughs]

Jambi

Hey, I got a genie joke for you. How many genies does it take to cross the road?

Pee-wee

I don't know.

Jambi

4. One to ride in the box, one to push the box, one to watch for traffic, and one to wish he was on the other side! [laughs] "Wish he was on the other..." [notices Pee-wee's confused look] Guess you had to be there.

Interception! [catches the toy]

[flies up to Mr. Kite] Hey! That's my toy!

Not anymore.

You have no business with that toy. Give it back.

No. It's mine.

Pee-wee! Pee-wee!

Pee-wee

Yeah, what is it?!

Mr. Kite won't give me back my toy.

Pee-wee

Mr. Kite, give Pterri back his toy!

See?! Pee-wee said you have to give me back my toy!

[tosses Pterri's toy back to him] Baby.

[catches his toy] I am not a baby. Pee-wee, Mr. Kite called me a baby.

Pee-wee

All right, Pterri. Get in here.

[flies back inside] Why do I have to come in? Mr. Kite doesn't have to come in.

Baby.

Hey, Pee-wee, here comes Dixie!

Pee-wee

Hi, Dixie. I didn't hear your horn honk.

Dixie

All right. All right. If it'll make ya happy, "Honk! Honk!"

Pee-wee

Boy, are you uptight or what?

Dixie

I'm sorry, Pee-wee. [offers a handshake with her oily hand]

Pee-wee

EWW!

Dixie

Oh, my cab's got a flat tire! I had to walk all the way up the hill. You know, it's been a really bad day.

Dixie

Hey, your majesty! [beat] STEP ON IT!

[looks at his bill] $2 for a peanut butter sandwich?!

Pee-wee

And jelly.

Hey, Miss Yvonne, let's play something.

Miss Yvonne

Yes! Let's!

Let's play Army.

Miss Yvonne

No. The last time I played Army, I got hurt.

Pee-wee

I know! Let's play Headhunters.

Jambi

No! I'm not playing Headhunters again!