[Pee-wee attempts to putt his golf ball into the windmill, but misses; his friends cheer]
CConky
But nobody misses like you do, Pee-wee.
RRandy
What a lotta hooey. Psst! Hey, Pee-wee, come here. [Pee-wee walks up to him] Lemme straighten you out. Can't you see what's goin' on? Why do you think everyone's bein' so nice to ya?
RRandy
Ah, wise up, Pee-wee. Put two and two together. Everybody's bein' nice to you, because they want you to take 'em to that dinner. That's the only reason.
RRandy
What's the matter, Pee-wee?
RRandy
Bored? There's plenty of things to do on a rainy day.
I know Randy, but I've done all them already.
RRandy
No, you haven't. See this phone here?
Yes, I've called everyone I know.
RRandy
So? Call some people you don't know.
RRandy
Here, I'll show you. [goes into the picture phone and dials a number of a housewife]
HHousewife
[picks up the phone] Hello.
RRandy
Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
RRandy
Then you better go and catch it! [laughs; hangs up] See, Pee-wee? It's easy. You try one.
No, Randy. That's not fun. It's not nice to make prank phone calls!
RRandy
Don't be such a chicken. [dials the number again] Here. It's ringing. [hands the phone to Pee-wee]
HHousewife
[annoyed] Hello?
Hello. Is your refrigerator running?
HHousewife
I've had just about enough of this! My husband is a police officer. [dramatic music] Darryl?
DDarryl
Yes, dear? [takes the phone from his wife] What's your name, kid?
DDarryl
Well, you listen to me, Pee-wee Herman. Making prank phone calls is against the law! If I wasn't such a nice guy, I'd take you downtown and throw ya into jail! And you'd have a criminal record for the rest of your life. [dramatic music] Would ya like that?
Uh, no, sir. I mean, no, officer!
DDarryl
Yeah. All right. I'll let you go this time. But next time, you're goin' to jail.
Randy, did you steal Mrs. Steve's apples?
RRandy
No. I didn't steal 'em.
SMrs. Steve
You did so. I saw you with my own two eyes.
STOOOOOOOP!!! [they stop] Randy, if you didn't steal Mrs. Steve's apples, [extracts apple cores from beneath the bed] then what are these?!
RRandy
I didn't steal 'em. I just sorta took 'em. Besides, what's the big deal? They were just some crummy crabapples.
Those "crummy crabapples" belonged to Mrs. Steve. You shouldn't steal stuff that doesn't belong to you.
SMrs. Steve
That's right! I demand an apology from you, young man.
Go on, Randy. Say you're sorry.
RRandy
All right. I'm sorry.
SMrs. Steve
Sorry isn't going to put those apples back on my tree. I want you to promise me you'll never do that again.
RRandy
I promise, Mrs. Steve. I had no idea that taking your delicious apples was going to upset you so. I'm awfully sorry. Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? Please?
SMrs. Steve
Well, I suppose I can forgive you this one time. But if it ever happens again, I'm calling the police, and you go to prison with all the other apple stealers! [casually] Thank you, Pee-wee. [exits]
RRandy
[snickers] I had my fingers crossed. [snickers again, but groans] Oooohhh...My stomach hurts.
[sarcastically] Gee, I'm sorry what happened to you, Randy. I thought we were going to make some delicious apple pie!
[Randy groans and lies down on the floor; Pee-Wee chuckles]
RRandy
Why don't you just keep the puppy, Pee-wee?
I can't, Randy. He doesn't belong to me.
RRandy
Well, you like him, don't you?
RRandy
So? Finders keepers, losers weepers.
But, Randy, somebody's out there looking for him right now. I know I'd want him returned to me if I'd lost him.
RRandy
Eh, if they were dumb enough to lose him, you should let 'em suffer.
RRandy
Hey, Pee-wee, where's my section?
I'm awfully sorry, Randy. But I only have one section left.
RRandy
That's okay. Only want one. [eats the last orange section]
RRandy
Okay, Pee-wee. I'll share mine with ya. Here. You can have the seed. [hands Pee-wee the seed; laughs]
Pee-wee's Playhouse · 45 quotes
