I've been looking at our utter and complete lack of experience as a positive thing...but I'm...starting to think it might actually be a problem.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[giving her relaunch speech] As a loyal Pawneean, I've always been proud of this town. And I uh...um...Sorry my cards got out of order here when they fell. Um...together we can defeat...obese children...I'm sure that was something positive originally. I'm sorry, okay this is...this is just a disaster isn't it? This is the worst political event ever in history! Well I can assure you people in the bleachers that if you follow my campaign it will be interesting!
Ann you're fired.
Oh thank God.
He is attractive, and charming, and his family employs half the town. But so what? I am a lifelong government bureaucrat who's well versed in the issues. And those are the kind of sexy qualifications that win elections.
Thank you, John, for coming in. The Public Works department is wonderful and you are the best idea man in the business.
Also we're cancelling all of your ongoing projects.
JJohn
What? What about the Pawnee River dam?
Dam's dead. Have a nice day.
JJohn
Where will all the water go?
Wherever it's headed now. The important thing is the dam is never happening and your dream has been crushed.
We're very sorry.
I am not. Good meeting.
Is everybody feeling good?
Oh, I don't know Jerry. It's Sunday night, I'm making phone calls to strangers, and you're in my house. My life couldn't be worse.
[on bowling] Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.
When I eat, it's the food that's scared.
April hates Valentine's Day. And brunch, and outside, and smiling. [laughs] She's weird.
[quietly] Oh Ann you beautiful spinster. I will find you love.
What did you say something?
Love you!
Thank you all for being here. Let's get started.
Wow! Great attitude Ron.
Sorry, I was talking to these ribs.
Quick question about Ann. Does anybody know if she has any Indian in her?
No one respond. No one say anything.
Why? I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her.
Silence.
...I don't think she does-
Would she like some!?
I found a DJ for the dance and his name is DJ Bluntz.
[reading the flyer] Tom, this a publicly funded couple's dance. I don't think it's appropriate for people to be getting wet with sound.
Aww cool cryptex! Can I have it!?
Hey! No, no you can't!
Where'd you get it!?
How do you know what a cryptex is?
I know what things are.
Well Leslie hid the location of our Valentine's meeting place in here. I've tried every five letter word that has anything to do with our third date.
Have you tried 'Fuck!?'
...That's a four letter word.
Oh. Add an 'S'?
I really don't think it's that.
I wish I could help you bro, I don't know if I can. You're like the second smartest guy I know. You should go to the first smartest guy I know.
[cut to Ben and Andy in Ron's office]
So the clue is inside and it takes a five-letter code to open.
...Did you try 'Fucks?'
Ha!
Yes! Why is that everyone's first suggestion?!
Just smart people.
I think I might be able to help you.
Told ya!
[Ron takes a hammer and smash open the cryptex]
[Jerry walks into the dance with an extremely good looking man]
Leslie! I found a date for Ann!
Jerry! Well done!
I put an ad on Craigslist. "Man Seeking Man For A Night of Casual Fun." Enrico here responded right away!
EEnrico
I'll meet you inside okay?
Okay! Thanks dude.
You hired a male escort.
A what?
Please get your gigolo out of here.
[realizing his mistake] ...Oh my God...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.