I've taught them too well. I've created a mob of little Leslie Knope monsters. I'm so proud. And a little annoyed. But mostly proud...70-30.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I really want this dress and I like this crystal beetle but it's expensive and there's no use for it.
Donna Meagle. Treat Yo Self.
...
Velvet slippys, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. I'm a cashmere, velvet candy cane.
Treat Yo Self!
...This is insane.
[Ben walks out of the changing room in a Batman costume]
Oh My God! Oh My God! Oh My God! This is a whole new level of nerd!
You're right. This is ridiculous. What am I doing?
Wait no no no no no! I mean that in a good way Ben! Listen to me. You're part of the Treat Yo Self team now okay!? If that costume somehow makes you happy, you're gonna buy it! You're gonna wear it out of the store. Okay? You're gonna Treat Yourself!
Yeah you know what? I'm gonna do that! I'm gonna treat myself. Thanks you guys. [starts crying] I really needed this. I'm gonna treat myself!
Uh oh. Batman's crying.
When did kids get so interested in fun?
I bought this mackerel at the Supermarket. I've been standing in the water, with the fish, on my hook for 30 minutes. I saw it on an episode of I Love Lucy. Pathetic? Maybe. But, feels pretty good to have a bunch of little boys be super into me...that came out wrong.
[being interviewed] When you work in government, people often suspect that you're anti-business. So I'm throwing a little meet n greet with business owners and I've asked Tom's company to help. Here's my opening line: Hi, I'm Leslie Knope and I'm in the business of being city counselor.
Oh my God!
I'm not going to use that.
I take it we're having a party?
Dude! I knew there was something I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
No, no, no. It's fine. Why should you guys tell me you're gonna have an enormous party? I didn't tell you I was gonna be quietly working in my room.
That's a good point.
My family is very non-confrontational. My parents' method of problem-solving is to kind of keep everything bottled up and just subtly hint at what's bothering them. And after 36 years, they are still divorced.
Donna! Blue shirt, badge, night stick. You are a policewoman.
Yup. You're a regular-
-Sherlock Holmes! I solved that mystery before you did.
Okay this was fun... [walks away]
Hey Ron, good to see ya! Weren't you a pirate last year?
Yes. This is my Halloween costume. Andrew are you aware that your bathroom faucet is leaking?
Are you kidding me?! I just stuffed a sock in it yesterday! What else do they want me to do?
There's an exposed wire above the bathtub as well.
Oh yeah shock wire! I call it that cause if you take a shower and you touch the wire, YOU DIE!
...Yes that is accurate.
Look, I don't like to throw around the word "butthead" often. If you call everyone a butthead, it kind of loses its impact. But I can say without hesitation that Tom is being a real dick.
No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's: A hammer, half of a pretzel, baseball card, some cartridge that says sonic and hedgehog, a scissor half, and a flashlight filled with jellybeans.
[Leslie is chatting with some local business owners]
Although I've not worked with you professionally, as a private citizen I have personally patronized each and every one of your establishments.
TTanya
Hmmm I've never seen you buy a salad at Sue's Salads.
Cause I don't hate myself Tanya.
[Tanya looks insulted]
I'm sorry. I know I should be chasing your vote but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. And I think I have a lot of support in the community for that.
[The other business owners smile and nod approvingly]
Despite the fact that this seems like a party for Tom's face, I think it's going pretty well. When in doubt, in Pawnee, slam salad.
Hey! You stole the nipple king! Thanks a lot traitor!
I'm sorry I just needed to ask him about this one thing but we're all good now. What if I just introduce you for your speech?
I have a better idea. Why don't you go over to one of your rugs and sit on your own face!?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.