[Ron is shopping at Lowe's for things to fix April and Andy's house]
LSLowe's Employee
Hi there! Is there a project you're working on?
I know more than you.
LSLowe's Employee
...Alright.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[giving a speech] Pawnee has suffered through a tough economy and what has kept our town alive is you, the small business man. And I'm not referring to your stature Gary, you are a giant in this community. So many businesses represented here today; Food N Stuff, JJ's Diner, Glenmore Discount Cemetery, Tramp Stamp Tattoos, Enormous Kenny's Fired Dough Stand & Mobile Phone Emporium. Who else? [quietly] Sue's Salads... [someone in the background boos] Smooth Operator Bikini Waxes, Jeff's Savings & Loan...
[Ron and Ann have just fixed the bathroom sink]
Oh my God! We made it work!
It's a good feeling. Sense of accomplishment and pride. Damn it I just love it so much.
We need to deal with what's bothering you.
[sarcastically] Oh please, come into my room.
See? You're angry at me and you're not talking about it and I'm gonna beat you up until you do because I'm mature.
[starts beating up Ben]
[Ron and Ann have just fixed the kitchen sink]
I see you've got the handle on that torque wrench.
Yeah well the flange was a little warped so I just goosed it with a triple three bolt smack.
That was nonsense.
I know but it's so fun to talk like that!
You know what, keep this. [Hands Ann the toolbox] You earned it.
[touched] Thanks Ron.
Tom Haverford is a selfish, unctuous, sleazy, self-promoting, good-hearted, secretly kind and wonderful tiny little person.
Well, Entertainment 720 is dead. It's up in company heaven along with Pets.com, Blockbuster, and Ask Jeeves. My company is no better than a company where you ask a fake butler to Google things for you.
What religion am I? Well, I'm a practicing none of your [bleep] business.
I need a few more volunteers. Andy, will you be Iceland?
The bad guys from Mighty Ducks 2? Don't think so.
OK, how about Japan?
The bad guys from Karate Kid 2? Even worse. How about Germany? They've never been the bad guys.
It's a white flag, and you better start waving it now, Leslie!
The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
...Good Lord.
Who is ready to join the coalition of the willing?
The Moon shall join your coalition!
Look at that, we got the freaking Moon. What are you gonna do without tides, Peru?
I value a good education, so I don't want to see Andy waste his time in college. Of all my co-workers, he's one of a small number whom I don't actively root against. Ah, there I go getting all sappy.
I'm just freaking out. The only thing we have left is work and now he doesn't want to work together anymore. What does that all mean?
I think you know what it means.
Yeah. I should just drag out that tiny park project for as long as possible so Ben and I can keep working together.
That's almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.
No, what I'll do is I'll get the neighborhood all riled up and then maybe they'll ask for an environmental impact report, and then Ben and I will work together for at least another year. Good idea, Ann.
Leslie, for God's sakes...
No, Ann, please I beg of you, will you just shut your beautiful pie hole? Just sit there and let me stare are at you while you silently support me on this gameplan.
Leslie...
[hugging Ann] Shh Ann...
Leslie...
Your quiet support means the world to me, as does your tacit endorsement of all my behaviors.
On my first day of college, my father dropped me off. At the steel mill. He didn't think I should go to college.
Tom, will you please tell the committee why we were kissing?
An online dating site randomly paired us up, so as a joke I thought it would be funny to pretend you and I were dating. And then you kissed me as a joke to shut me up.
But we never had any other romantic contact after that?
No, that would be like dating my older sister's elderly aunt.
No it wouldn't!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Parks and Recreation pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.