Berdie Rogers quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Joe Caputo

Now, what'd you hear?

Berdie Rogers

That you got caught in a shit-storm, but you put up a sturdy umbrella.

Joe Caputo

Yeah, well, it's starting to leak. Now I'm doing Madame Shit-Storm's job, along with doing my old job, which the powers-that-be have yet to fill.[sighs] I'm doin' two jobs.

Berdie Rogers

Do you resent that the administration hired me before finding a replacement for your old job?

Joe Caputo

Are you analyzin' me?

Berdie Rogers

No. I just don't want any shade without having been given a shot.

Joe Caputo

My beef's not with you.

Berdie Rogers

What'd you hear about me?

Joe Caputo

That you're smart and you're qualified and you said yes.

Berdie Rogers

Does my saying yes maybe cancel out the smart part?

Joe Caputo

How's this? Welcome to Litchfield, where your services are needed in both the counseling and hair removal arenas. These are complicated ladies in a complicated place.

Berdie Rogers

Look, Vause, I get it. I get the anger. When a country has more inmates than teachers or engineers, we are living in a fucked up society. Prison is bullshit.

Alex Vause

[chuckling] Then why work in one?

Berdie Rogers

Because I think there are people here with potential that's being squandered - and I wanna make a -

Alex Vause

Oh, you wanna make a difference? Yeah, I get it. You're one of the good guys. But guess what. We all think we're good guys. I used to work for a drug dealer who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in your head if you crossed him, or if you stopped being useful to him, but in his mind, he's still a good guy. [laughing] Heroin Robin Hood because he cut out the Mexican cartels and passed on the savings to the consumer, and he never cut his shit with brick dust. And you're not just another shill taking a paycheck from an evil system of oppression, 'cause you're fighting it from the inside with drama class. Fine. Whatever you need to tell yourself to get by. But excuse me if I don't want to spend my precious time catering to the delusion that you're making a difference. I have my own quilt of lies to sew.

Berdie Rogers

That is a great speech. Now, I would love to hear you give it again in drama class.

Lorna Morello

Oh, Frankie? [makes motions] You have a phone call, Frankie! Would you...like to...take the phone? [Chang shrugs] Take the phone...

That's not a phone.

Lorna Morello

What is it?

It's a dog.

Lorna Morello

No, it's not...

Berdie Rogers

Agree to the situation, go with it...

Lorna Morello

But she is clear---alright, dog, my mistake, and here...is the phone!

That's not a phone either.

Lorna Morello

What is it?

A DICK!

Berdie Rogers

What exactly is your real issue? See I can't quite pin down whether you're a misogynist, or a racist, or a winning combination of the two.

Sam Healy

You foster inappropriate relationships, you walk around here like you own the place. You come in here every week with a different hairstyle, and your class is a festering incubator of deviance!

Berdie Rogers

You're a vengeful little man, aren't you? But I'll be back. Because I am good at what I do.