You know that your mother and I dated for a long time. I wanted like hell to propose to her, but I was always broke, and... well, anyway, one day we're at Coney Island. I had eight hot dogs, six candy apples, and a pound of cotton candy - I threw up three times.
The best! We stop at Great Sal's Ball Throw and Lithuanian Deli. I throw the balls and win this ring. And I say to your mother, just kidding, "I think this means we should get married." And your mother gets this funny look on her face, and says... "I'd love to."
When I was young, my mother told me Santa Claus was real. But when I got older, she told me he wasn't. One book says Jesus is real; one book says he isn't. We're living in the greatest country in the world...! And we're murdering each other in the streets. What did they expect when they made us believe in the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny... and then gave us the nuclear bomb to play with? Hey-diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle... is a lie like all the rest. The astronauts killed the Man in the Moon. Growing up took care of the rest.
What is it, Buddy? What is it about you that makes you so special? Why do people who are alone, and-and sad, they feel better just 'cause you're around? What is it?
[reading her invitation] "Lords and Ladies, Christine Sullivan requests the pleasure of your company at a gala affair commemorating the sixth wedding anniversary of Prince Charles and Lady Diana." [sarcastic]Par-ty!
No, you listen to me, Dan. Miss Sullivan is our friend, and if that means that occasionally, she'd like us all to get together, then we should do so cheerfully...! Even if it is excruciatingly dull and stupid.
